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A Rare Thing to Please
A Rare Thing to Please
Air date 5-4-13
Written by AndrewBrauer & CookieEyes
Directed by AndrewBrauer
Location Putain Delicieux
Other episodes by the author

Missing Tape

Rare's Cookie Monster

 With business slow, Madelene and Charlotte are surprised to see Rare come for a bite to eat, so Madelene must do what she can to get Rare to like the place.

Characters

Transcript

(Opens at Putain Delicieux where Madelene is at the front counter and business seems slow)

Charlotte: (enters the place with her pogo stick) Hey Maddie. ...Maddie?

Madelene: OH! (sighs) Sorry Charlotte. I was almost asleep.

Charlotte: Why?

Madelene: Because business is quite slow today. Only one person came here. Just to get a napkin. Nothing else.

Charlotte: Well, shit.

(Suddenly a limo shows up with many cameras flashing around it and people surrounding it, then Rare gets out of the limo)

Rare: (On the phone) Yes, I will do the music video later, right now I'm hungry and want something to eat so leave me ALONE!! (Hangs up her cellphone)

(Rare walks inside and cameras are flashing at Rare from outside)

Rare: Excuse me? Is this a place to get food!?

Madelene: (shocked yet excited) Why, yes mam!

Rare: Good! My name is Rare, the richest, most popular celebrity in the world, and today is your lucky day. I decided to stop at your garbage of a restaurant because I've eaten everywhere else. So I would like some food PLEASE!

(Rare sits down at a table)

Madelene: Yes Maîtresse Rare! (takes out a menu for Rare) What would you like?

Charlotte: (quietly) "Garbage of a restaurant"?

Rare: What is your most requested item of food here?

Madelene: Why, I believe that would be our Beef Bourguignon and French Onion Soup.

Rare: Give me both, RIGHT NOW!

Madelene: Yes, madam! (does a curtsey as she walks backwards into the kitchen) Coming right up!

(Charlotte looks at Madelene with a weird expression)

Charlotte: Boy. Business really was slow until now.

(As Charlotte goes into the kitchen as well, Scarlet hops up behind the front counter and stares at Rare curiously.)

Rare: (To Scarlet) Stop staring at me, you little girl!

(Scarlet continues to stare, but with bigger eyes)

Rare: Ugh! I hate stupid kids!

(Scarlet's eyes are huge and sparkly. Suddenly someone grabs her shoulder gently.)

Madelene's Mom: Let's go, voleur. Your mum and friend can handle her.

(Cuts back to Madelene making the food and Charlotte is just watching)

Madelene: (gasps) Oh no! I forgot to ask if she wanted crackers with her soup!

Charlotte: What kinda famous celebrity eats crackers?

Madelene: Never mind! Let's get going! Do we have enough beef?

Charlotte: Would the chopped up cow in the basement freezer give you an answer?

Madelene: Oh thank God! Mom remembered!

Charlotte: Let's hope Scarlet didn't remember!

Rare: (Sighs) I better tweet about this, since I'm so bored. (Rare uses her cellphone while her stomach growls)

Charlotte: (looks through the kitchen curtains) Crap! She's tweeting!

Madelene: Not tweeting! (tries to cook the beef faster)

Rare: If I don't get some food soon, then I'll trash this place for being an awful place to eat, I'm so famous, they'll believe me right away.

Madelene's Mom: Sorry, miss. We don't serve WiFi to customers.

Rare: It's my own personal hotspot, you would never know you crusty old hag!

Madelene's Mom: I mainly meant I don't want costumers on their phones here. They disgust me.

Rare: Whatever, I'm rich I can do whatever I fuck I want. And I want some fucking food!

Madelene's Mom: Ooh! (to Scarlet) (sarcastic tone) Isn't she cute, Scar. She thinks she's all special 'cause she's rich and famous.

Rare: You know! (Gets up) I can just leave!

Madelene's Mom: No can do. We don't let costumers leave until they finish their whole meal. (demonic voice as the background blazes) THE WHOLE MEAL!

Rare: (Fake laughs) Your kidding right? (Then the doors lock) Seriously?

Madelene's Mom: I don't kid around. (grins) Most of the time.

Rare: Fine. (Sits down and growls)

Madelene's Mom: (whispers to herself) Hmm... (grins) Tweeting, huh? (leaves)

Rare: Hey! Where's my food!?

Charlotte: (off-screen) IT'S COMING!

(Rare rolls her eyes and continues to use her cellphone, upstairs, Madelene's Mom gets on her computer and cracks her knuckles(?) before going online and typing)

Rare: (On the computer) This bitch at this food place, it trip pin my fucking mind! #MUSTEATNOW

(On the computer, a post that says "Like #OMG. Some cunt named @Rare is at my restaurant, and she is an impatient bitch. #NOTSURPRISED" appears.)

Rare: (On her phone) This shit is funny. (Stomach growls even louder and grows even more impatient)

(A new post appears and it says "#HELLYEAH! My daughter and her friend's food is done, and it smells like a wonderful air freshener. It sure overpowers the smell of everything I've ever smelled. #ProudOfYouHone".)

Rare: I hope that's my food!

Madelene: (hurries over to the table) Here you are, Maîtresse Rare. (places the food on the table and wipes the sweat off her face with a handkerchief before handing it to an equally tired Charlotte)

Rare: Good, I'm glad it's finally here. (Begins to eat the food)

(A new post says "Thanks for waiting so 'patiently', #bitch. With delicious love, Putain Delicieux. #<3")

Rare: (To Madelene) Okay, this food is pretty decent.

Madelene: ...Oooookayyy...

Rare: What more do you want? That was enough for me to recommend this place, just be lucky for that.

Madelene: Oh, okay.

Rare: I know this won't be a problem, but how much is this?

Madelene: That'll be $100,000,000... (checks the menu, confused) Wait a sec...

(A new post says "I'm so glad I changed the prices up a bit. :)")

Rare: That must be a mistake.

Madelene: (confused) Uhh, w-well, surely you can still pay for it. (smiles nervously) After all, you're the richest person in the world. (laughs quietly)

Rare: Fine. (Gives Madelene a check) Just put it on my manager's account. (Gets up and leaves)

Madelene: A-Au revoir!

Charlotte: Don't come back.

(Suddenly many cars show up and many people walk inside)

Madelene & Charlotte: WHOA!

Random Fan: (To her friends) Can you believe the lovely Rare, ate here!?

(The girls then scream with excitement)

(Upstairs, Madelene's Mom and Scarlet are looking at all the posts Madelene's Mom made on her account.)

Madelene's Mom: Hmm... (grins) Maybe I should open accounts on other websites! First stop, (types on her computer) tumblr.

The End

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