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A Rei Problem
Request for AndrewBrauer 16
What the fuck Rei!?
Air date 6-14-14
Written by AndrewBrauer, YoshiRocker13, & CookieEyes
Directed by AndrewBrauer
Location Jade's Home and the park
Other episodes by the author

True Fear

A Rapper's Stalker

 Rei finds herself drawn to Jones and his weapons, which is a problem for Rapper and Bitchess.

Characters

Transcript

(Katorou and Rei are sitting in the park, while Kari is next to them playing with a cute rabbit)

Katorou: So, uhh, crappy day, huh?

Rei: Totally crappy. If I don't hear any thunderstorms for the week, I'm going to make it rain period blood!

Katorou: (surprised) You keep track of when you get your period?

Rei: Duh!

Katorou: ...Smart move. (he and Rei high-five)

Rapper: (behind Rei) Wow, rain period blood? Sounds so sexy.

(Rei blushes at the sight of Rapper)

Katorou: Oh hey. It's you... How long were you the-

Kari: (jumps onto Katorou's lap) It's Orange killer man!

Rapper: Really Kari?

(Jones is at the park about to test a new weapon)

Jones: Alright then, who should I fuck up with this new weapon?

(Jones sees the Cute rabbit with Kari)

Jones: BINGO! (Shoots a laser at the rabbit, which it blows up in front of Kari)

Bitchess: Whoa Jones, that was so cool!

Kari: MY BUNNY!

Rei: Holy shit!

Katorou: (sees Kari about to cry) Oh no...

Rapper: Oh boy... (covers his ears)

Jones: That's my new weapon, that can make a persons organs blow up like a balloon and their whole body explodes, booyah!

Kari: You- (flames burst behind her) MEANIE!

Bitchess: Pfft, don't be a pussy red bitch, it was just a shitty bunny.

Jones: I got a shit ton of other good weapons too.

Rei: (interested) Ohhh really!

Rapper: (notices) What the fuck?!

Bitchess: Yeah, cuz he's so sexy.

Kari: AND MEAN!

(Katorou gets in front of her)

Katorou: Kari! Please! Come on! (grabs her hand) I'll take you to the pet store if it'll make you feel better.

Kari: Will there be rabbits?

Katorou: It's a fucking pet store! DUH!

Kari: Yippie! Tell me about the rabbits, Otouto! Tell me about the rabbits!

Rapper: Uhh Rei? Maybe we should- (notices she's gone) Rei? Rei?!

Jones: (To Rei) So I got a gun that can shoot a laser and melt someone's head off right away.

Rei: Sick!

Jones: (To Rei) So I'm assuming you like guns then.

Rei: Ohhh boy do I fucking LOVE them!

Rapper: Hey! Dude! She's my girl!

Bitchess: Jones! What the fuck are you doing?!

Jones: We're talking! And Bitchess, I thought we were only friends who like to fuck each other?

Bitchess: EXACTLY!

(Rapper folds his arms becoming extremely jealous)

Rei: Say, do you, y'know, (background becomes floral) have more at your place?

Jones: Sure, do you want to see them? And I don't mean my dick, which big gun is Bitchess's nickname for my dick!

Bitchess: JONES! (gets angry)

Rapper: Rei!

Rei: Oooh! (seductive voice) I do like "big" weapons, you know?

Rapper: (thinks) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!

Jones: (Confused) Then let's go. (Walks away with Rei) I don't mean to be rude, but aren't you sixteen?

Rapper: THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE!

Bitchess: When Jones goes back for me! I'm gonna fucking kill him!

Rapper: Looks like somebody is jealous.

Bitchess: HEY SO ARE YOU! (growls)

(Jones and Rei walk into Jade's home)

Jones: So this is my place, and this is my best friend Jade.

Jade: Who's this new bitch?

Rei: Name's Rei, slut.

Jones: Anyways, my weapon collection is in my lab, let me show you. (Jones and Rei walk into Jones's lab and Rei stares in amazement at the amount of weapons Jones has)

(Rapper and Bitchess watch from outside)

Rapper: Fuck! Now there's no way I'm gonna win her back!

Bitchess: (raises middle finger at Jones) Fuck you traitor!

(Back in Jones lab)

Rei: (picks up a long sword) Hot damn!

Jade: (Walks outside to Rapper and Bitchess) I assume you two have a bone to pick with on Jones and, that young girl Rei.

Rapper: YES! Rei dumped me for that dick!

Bitchess: And I'm gonna fucking kill Jones even if he comes near me!

Jade: This is none of my business, but I can help, mainly because I find it weird imagining a twenty seven year old with a sixteen year old.

Rapper: I AM TWENTY THREE!

Jade: Still weird, but maybe if Jones loses to Rapper, then Rei will get back with Rapper, and Jones can be back with Bitchess, but we have to make sure Jones is along with the plan so that he pretends to lose to you Rapper.

Rapper: Yeah, that's actually better than what I thought.

Bitchess: You mean I have to work together with this douche?!

Jade: (To Bitchess) If you want your fuck buddy back.

(Back at the lab, Rei flirts with Jones, who is backly away slowly)

Jones: Okay girl, what do you want?

Rei: Nooothin'~!

Rapper: Hey Jones boy! (stands in front of him)

Jones: What's up Rapp?

Rapper: So Rei? You think that Jones is better than me?

Jones: (Surprised) Whoa! Rapp, I'm not trying to fuck your girl, she's a teenager, that's fucking weird!

Rei: ...Uhhhhhhhh...

Rapper: So? She dates me doesn't she? And I'm twenty three.

Jones: Are you trying to make a point or something?

Rapper: And... we've actually fucked before. And she enjoyed it...

Jones: Like I give a shit, I'm busy fucking Bitchess, and it's the best sex she's ever had!

Rei: Wait. We fucked?

Rapper: (whispers to Rei) I'm only joking.

Rei: Oh.

Jones: Okay Rapp, that's just considered child pornography.

Rapper: So why are you flirting with Rei?!

Jones: (Angry) I'M NOT!!! ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TEST MY FUCKING WEAPONS!!!

Rapper: Tell ya what? How about a duel? Whoever wins gets Rei.

Jones: You really want to fight me? You do realize I make the deadliest weapons in the world, right!?

Jade: (Whispers to Rapper) If you actually kill him, I'll kill you.

Rapper: Don't worry, he won't die.... yet.

Jones: You know what, to make this better, we just use our fists.

Rapper: Fine. Have it your way.

Jones: I will! (Winks at both Bitchess and Jade)

Jade: (To Bitchess) Oh good, he knows about the plan, but let's just let Rapper do his work.

Bitchess: Fine.

Rapper: (fake punches Jones) Boom! How's that?!

(Jones pretends to get hit)

Jones: Ow, that hurt. I'll show you my shit! (Pretends to punch Rapper)

Rapper: (pretends to get hit) Ooh! That hurt bad! How about this? (pretends to kick Jones in the balls)

Jones: Ow! (Falls to the ground) Okay Rapper, you win.

(Rei starts to fall for Rapper again.)

Rei: Wow! You managed to kick his ass in just a couple of moves.

(Jade helps Jones up)

Jade: Impressive performance Jones.

Jones: Yeah, I knew this was a plan, since I could kill Rapper easily with my weapons, but that nut shot actually did hurt.

(Jones walks over to Bitchess)

Bitchess: (glares at Jones) So what do you have to fucking say?

Jones: (To Bitchess) That you look fucking hot today, and that you'll always be my bitch!

Bitchess: That's more like it.

Rapper: (To Rei) Yeah Jones' weapon collection may have been great, but wait til you see mine.

Rei: ...As long as you're not referring to your dick.

Jade: Sounds like a code word for sex.

Jones: I say it to Bitchess all the time when we have sex.

Bitchess: Fuck yeah!

(Cuts to Rapper showing Rei his weapon room, filled with almost all the weapons in the world and more than what Jones had, Rei falls over in love)

Rei: Wow...

Kari: Hey Rei-chan!

Rei: (scoffs) What?!

Kari: (hands her a suitcase) Start packing! We're gonna live off the fatta the land with the rabbits! (runs off) Woo-hoo!

(Rei holds Rapper's hand as if she didn't feel like going)

Rei: (glares) I'm going to kill her someday.

Rapper: Someday I may do that honor.

(Rei kisses Rapper's lips)

(After-credits)

(Jones and Bitchess are in bed, sweating, after having sex)

Jones: (Pants) So, was my big gun better than Rapper's?

Bitchess: (pants) You... fucking... said it.

Jones: Ha! At least I'm better at something than Rapper! (High fives Bitchess)

The End

Trivia

  • Rapper's age is revealed to be 23.
  • We learn that Jade finds it weird for an teen girl to be with someone who is older.
  • When Rapper said he fucked Rei, he was only kidding to piss Jones off. Rapper and Rei have not had sex yet and they probably won't.

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