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Allen's Chances of Hope
Air date 5-30-14
Written by AndrewBrauer & Panda-warrior1995
Directed by AndrewBrauer
Location Gym & The Forest
Other episodes by the author

The Last Laugh

A Rare Role Model

 Jade decides to toughen up Allen so that he can have better chances with Hope.

Characters

Transcript

(Allen is shown looking out the window of his apartment, where he sees Hope beating up a group of gang members)

Allen: God fucking damn it, those dudes are getting physically closer to her then I ever will.

(Hope finishes by snapping the final gang member's neck)

Allen: Damn, she's tougher than I'll ever be. Maybe.. If I were stronger, she would take an interest. YES! ..... Shit how am I going to do that? ...Fuck.

(Jade then appears behind Allen and throws him out another window, she then jumps out the window and falls with him)

Jade: So, I hear you want to be more manly?

Allen: WHAT THE HELL? .... And.. Yes.

(They both land in a dumpster)

Jade: Well then, I'm here to help you.

Allen: Huh? But.. Fuck it I'm in.

Jade: Great, here's your first test.

(They appear in the gym)

Allen: The gym? I've been here tons of times! ..... (sigh) With Hope....

Jade: Okay then, you have to bench press this 300 pound weight, and if it helps... (Tapes Allen's hands to the bar where the weights are in)

Allen: I CAN'T DO THAT!

Jade: Really? (Bench presses a 300 pound weight twenty times) If I can do it, so can you.

Allen: Um.. (Lifts it and it falls on him instantly) H-help!

(Jade sighs and easily gets the weight off of Allen)

Jade: We'll do that later, we have more tests to do.

Allen: (Sigh) Yeah okay...

(Allen is then shown on a motorcycle)

Jade: So now, your gonna drive up this ramp into this hoops of fire over a crocodile pit.

Allen: WHAT!? NO WAY!

Jade: Relax, this might help. (Puts a helmet on Allen) Now GO!!

Allen: WAIT!

(The motorcycle drives off and flies through the hoops, Allen is still cringing with his eyes closed as it jumps over the crocodile pit and lands safely)

Allen: (Shaking) Am I dead? If not please KILL ME.

Jade: Relax, you pussy. (Stops the motorcycle) You passed that test.

Allen: Good, can I go now?

Jade: Oh please, we're just getting started.

(They are now shown at the bottom of a mountain)

Jade: Time to test your strength and survival skills. (Begins climbing the mountain)

Allen: NO! NO! NO! NO! I HATE the outdoors! We have houses for a reason!

Jade: And what if they get destroyed and you're forced to live in the woods? Now quit complaining and let's go!

Allen: (Mumbling to himself as he walks) Fucking shit like I wanted to do this BS.

(They are climbing the tall mountain, as Allen is far behind Jade)

Jade: (While climbing with ease) Hey! Quit falling behind, we're not even halfway there yet!

Allen: (Panting) STILL!? Ugh! I'm gonna die out here.

Jade: We still have more to do, now come on!

Allen: Fuck my life.. (continues to climb)

Jade: Oh, and watch out for some of the falling rocks!

Allen: Wait what? (A big rock falls down and almost hits him) WHAT THE HELL?

Jade: Hold on tight! There may be more coming.

Allen: I wanna go home! (A few more rocks almost hit him) NOW!

(Jade reaches the top of the mountain)

Jade: Alright Allen... (Reaches her arms out) Now jump and grab my arms! But be careful, otherwise it's a long fall down!

Allen: (Gulps and grabs her arms) Wow amazing view! Can I go now?

Jade: (Pulls Allen up) Nope, now we set up camp here.

Allen: Uhh.. Fine.

(Jade sets up sticks and makes them into a tent, and makes a hole for her to sleep in)

Jade: This is camping for the tough.

Allen: Right, I gotta do this... I'LL DO IT FOR THE BOOBS!

Jade: Well, make your own camp, cause I won't do shit for you.

Allen: (Sigh) I'll try (Takes a few sticks and drops them.) DAMN IT!

Jade: You better do something, I hear the wolves come out here at night.

Allen: Um... (Digs a hole) Is this good? Is it not deep enough?

Jade: It's up to you, I'm just here because I like the forest.

Allen: I'm here because you made me. I'll just try my luck with this.

(THE NEXT MORNING)

(Allen wakes up with ants all over him, while Jade wakes up peacefully)

Allen: (yawns) Huh? ANTS!? GET THEM OFF!

Jade: (Yawns) You should have dug deeper.

Allen: Where was that advice last night! (shakes a few ants off) How do I get 'em off!?

Jade: The ants are the least you have to worry about, now you must find food.

Allen: HOW!? I can't hunt! OR COOK!

Jade: You can just look for berries in the woods.

Allen: What if they're poiso-- Fuck it. (goes to look for berries)

(Allen finds blueberries)

Allen: Awesome! (Goes and picks a few, and eats one) This shit is tasty!

(Jade grabs Allen and the two are running in the forest)

Jade: Time for your next test!

Allen: There's MORE?

Jade: Yep! (Three bears are chasing them)

Allen: WHAT THE FUCK! (Runs like hell) THIS IS INSANE!

Jade: Watch your step!

Allen: NO SHIT! NOW CAN YOU DO SOMETHING!

(Jade manages to jump to the side, while Allen continues running and then falls into a gushing, flowing river)

Allen: (Inhales deeply as his head comes out of the river) WORST DAY EVER!

Jade: (From the side of the river) Here's your next test, find a way to save yourself.

Allen: Umm... Shit what now.. Oh! (Grabs the branch of a tree that was leaning over the river as he passed by) Yes! (Pulls on the branch and gets out) Thank God! Are we done now?

Jade: Now, you come with me.

Allen: This nightmare will never end! (goes with her)

(They are now at the edge of the mountain looking over the city)

Jade: Now... (Pushes Allen)

Allen: (Hanging on with one hand) WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?

Jade: Testing your fears. Now you will either let go or I'll do it for you?

Allen: NO! And how are you going to "test my fears" like THIS! Of-fucking-course I'm afraid of being PUSHED OFF A FUCKING MOUNTAIN!

Jade: This is your final test, this will prove if you've learned how to become stronger, save yourself, and survive on your own. Now we see if your not too chicken shit to fall off a mountain.

Allen: But.. I.. Y-you can't just expect me to FALL.

Jade: Well, if your falling, how do you save yourself, imagine it was Hope, if she fell, you would save her with your mighty strength, and if you were lost with her, you would know how to survive.

Allen:... (Thinks about it and sighs) ..Fine. (Let's go slowly) What now!?

Jade: Save yourself, use what you've learned!

Allen: What.. I've.. Learned... RIGHT! (Grabs on to a tree root sticking out of the mountain, as it starts to snap he grabs onto the mountain and starts to climb it) I'm doin' it! (Reaches the bottom) HELL YEAH! I DID IT!

Jade: I have taught you well, now we just have one more thing.

Allen: (Gulps) What is it?

(Cuts to them at the gym, and Allen is about to bench press the 300 pound weight from before.

Jade: Okay, if you climb a mountain, save yourself in a dangerous situation, do stunts, and survive in the woods, then you can lift this 300 pound weight.

Allen: I... don't know if I can.

Jade: (Sees Hope walk in) Well then, you have some motivation now.

Allen: (Thinks) I have to do this, otherwise I'll look like an idiot. (Yells) I'll do it... FOR THE BOOBS! (Allen begins lifting the weight, and sturggles at first) Come on! (He then finally manages to lift the weight completely) YES!!! I did it!

Hope: Nice work Al, I didn't know you lift weights.

Allen: Yeah, you know, I do manly stuff and all that.

Jade: So how did you learn to do that then. (Winks at Allen to go along with what she's saying)

Allen: Well, I climbed a mountain, did a motorcycle stunt through fire hoops over a croc pit, and even survived in the woods for a day.

Hope: Wow Al, you even stayed in the woods?

(Allen nods)

Hope: You and I should lift weights sometime soon.

Allen: Yeah, we... should.

Hope: Okay, see ya later. (Walks out)

Allen: Yes! It worked!

Jade: You do realize now you have to do this more just to impress her?

Allen: I know.

Jade: Good, now let's lift some more weights.

Allen: Ugggghhhh! (Passes out)

Jade: Well, my job is done.

The End

Trivia

  • The first time Allen had to be manly.
  • The orignal final act had to be redone by Andrew himself, as the original version was lost to reasons unknown, though both versions are very similar and lead to the same ending
  • Marks Jade as the third person to help someone become better
    • First person was Wolf.
    • Second Person was Rapper.
What did you think about Allen's chances of Hope?
 
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The poll was created at 03:45 on May 31, 2014, and so far 1 people voted.

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