|Creepy Tales of Dick Figures|
"Prepare to meet your end"
|Written by||YoshiRocker13, Alpha-Lonewolf, Mdkid663|
|Other episodes by the author|
On Halloween night, Red, Blue and the gang see who has the scariest story ever. And it's time for you to experience this.
- Lord Tourettes
- Fox (in first story)
- Demon (in third story)
- Fifi (in third story)
(the camera moves along a creppy graveyard when a bat flies to the screen making the camera showing a camp site)
Red: Camp party!
Blue: Guys! Could you keep it quiet! Blink's trying to sleep in the tent!
Rapper: Who cares about the little shit?
Blue: I do!
Red: Man! I thought this was a halloween party! Not a fucking camp! Bane came here for nothing!
Blue: Isn't it nice to get out of the house for a while?
Red: Nature haunts me...
Blue: Hmm, I wonder where Wolf is? He usually comes when we camp.
(suddenly a headless man walks near them. Causing everyone to scream in fear. Suddenly Broseph sticks his head out the man)
Broseph: (laughs) You dudes like my costume?
Blue: DUDE! What the fuck!?
Broseph: Oh, this isn't a halloween costume party?
(Red shoots Broseph)
Red: Bane likes you dead.
Pink: (pants) That scared the shit out of me!
Rapper: Pfft. Please. I got scary stuff than that.
Blue: Like a scary story?
Rapper: Yeah because I-
Red: I got one! (clears throat) Well it all started one dark night....
(red words spell Red Exorcist)
(then cuts to Red sleeping in his bed)
(in the next room Wolf hears Red making sounds keeping him up)
Wolf: That's it. I'm smothering him in his sleep.
(Wolf walks in and see that Red is lying down on the ceiling than on his bed)
Wolf: What the fuck!?
Red: (multiple voices at once) Give me virgins to spread my demon seed (cackles)
Wolf: (locks Red in his room) Holy shit!
(Rapper's phone rings)
Wolf: Dude, find Blue and get him over here quick!
(later, Rapper & Blue arrive)
(Fox waits outside the cottage)
Fox: Rapper, Blue thank god
Blue: What's going on!?
Fox: I don't know. Red got possessed somehow and is lock in his room.
Rapper: Whoa. That's crazy.
Fox: Blue you know how to do an exorcist?
Blue: Yeah, I do...
Fox: you may be the only one who can save him.
(Blue nervously walks into Red's room as Red climbs on the ceiling)
Blue: OH SHIT!
Red: (multiple voices at once) Hey Blue balls. how is that pink pussy wife of yours?
Wolf: You got this Blue?
Blue: I- I think I do...
(Blue quickly pulls out a rope and grabs Red with it, causing him to fall on the bed, everyone quickly ties him up)
Red: Why don't you get Fox here so I can feed her my dick!
Blue: We gotta get the heaven to cure him!
Fox: (Gives Blue a Holy Book) I got the holy water.
Wolf: (Holds a big wooden cross) I got the cross
Blue: Alright, let's do this.
Red: And Rapper has aids (laughs)
Blue: By the name of heaven... (Wolf smacks Red across the face) WOLF!
Wolf: go faster!
Blue: By the name of heaven, I command you to be cast out. (Fox Splashes the water on Red's faces as it starts to burn him. and Wolf smacks red again with the cross)
Fox: is it working?
(The house begins to groan and shake)
Demon: Fools! I will have my reven... (the demon gets clobbered with the cross)
Wolf: So you want to feed your dick to Fox huh?
Demon: Wait! I was just kidding.
Wolf: Here's a joke for you. I am not going to beat you to a puddle with this cross. Isn't that hilarious? because I am going to beat you to a puddle!
(Wolf continues to keep beating the demon)
(Rapper beats the demon as well)
Red: (Snaps out of it) Dude, what happened?
Blue: You were possessed by a Demon.
Red: Oh. whoops.
Red: That will teach me not to fuck anymore hot witches.
Blue: (face palms) God damn it Red.
Fox: Wolf, Rapper. That demon is a puddle of blood now.
Wolf: (keeps beating into the blood puddle) I just want to make sure.
Red: Are you sure that guy isn't possessed?
Fox: No, That's just Wolf being normal.
(cuts back to normal episode)
Red: The End.
(Lord Tourettes begins shaking in fear)
Blue: You okay L.T.?
Lord Tourettes: That.... Story..... was...... SHIT!
Red: (laughs) I scared you!
Red: (turns away) okay I'm sorry. (quickly turns back around with evil yellow eyes and foam at the mouth and screams at Blue) RAAAGH!!!
Blue: AUGH SHIT!!!!
Red: (takes out the contacts and wipes off the shaving cream from his mouth) what a puss. (laughs)
Raccoon: You chirdren gather around. Because I got-a the scariest story for you. (clears throat) It was one day...
(words appear Joined Assholes, each are red and blue, when they join, they explode, then showing Red at a bar)
Red: (Real drunk) Hey bar keep. I think you're too drunk to drive home.
Bartender: (face palms) Every week I must deal with this asshole.
Red: You're mom deals with this asshole! Yeah!
Bartender: Get out!
Red: no need to whisper. I know my way out bitch. (Crashes through a window)
(Red drunkenly falls on the road)
Steve: (driving a car) I hate my new job. (gasps) RED!
(Steve tries to stop the truck but before the truck could hit Red, the screen goes black as a car crashes. Later, Red wakes up in a hospital bed)
Doctor: how is our lucky patient doing?
Red: Huh!? Where am I!?
Doctor: After your little accident we were able to save what we could in the surgery room.
Stacy: (next to Red) That's right, dick.
Doctor: Thanks to this young lady giving a donation, you were able to survive.
Red: Well now I know this is heaven.
Doctor: we had to connect your head to her body.
(The doctor takes off the sheets and shows Red's head on Stacy's body)
Red: Where's my body!?
Doctor: it was mangled and burned in the accident.
Red: (cries) Now I'll never fuck girls and drink again!
Stacy: At least you get to see me shower right?
Red: (smiles) Then again. wet boobies is sexy.
Stacy: That reminds me, I have a sex date tonight.
(Later, Stacy is having a shower while Red stares at her boobs)
Red: yeah that's it. I can feel you getting horny from my arousal.
Stacy: Red. It's hard for me to shower and play with myself at the same time.
Red: I don't mind.
Stacy: oops. Red, I need to take a shit.
Red: I still think that's sexy.
(Stacy starts pooping in her toilet)
Stacy: AUGH! How did I shit out a rock?!
Red: Sorry, that was me.
Stacy: What else did you eat?
(Stacy then pooped out a bottle of beer, a pizza still in the box, and a cat)
Red: That too.
(later, with Blue, Pink & Blink at the park)
Blue: (sighs) Look at him Pink? Enjoying the day.
Pink: And there's nothing that could ruin it.
Stacy: Sup bitch?
Pink: Oh hey Sta- (recognises Red) RED!?
Red: Two heads are better than one asshole right?
Blue: Red! what the hell happened to you?!
Red: I saw Stacy shower, thats what.
Red: I got drunk and got in a car accident and now I am hot and awesome!
Blink: Daddy, why does that girl have two heads?
Red: I also saw Stacy go poop.
Blue: (covers Blink's ears) Red! (to Pink) Maybe we should go.
Pink: Good idea. (they leave)
Stacy: Red makes me feel super horny everyday.
Red: (Looks at hot girls) Yeah that looks hot.
(later, they go in a bar)
Red and Stacy are real drunk)
Stacy: Woo! I never felt double drunk before.
Red: My mom made your mom drunk
Stacy: You're mom is sexy.
(suddenly Steve's car runs into them again)
Steve: Why must this happen to me?
(Later at the hospital, Stacy and Red wake up)
Doctor: I think you two should be more careful.
Red: NOOO!!! don't tell me stacy's body is gone!
Doctor: Yup. But your lucky we were able to save you.
Blue: (next to Red) This is a fucking nightmare!
Red: Aw man! Now I have to share a Bloser body!
Pink: Why is this happening to me!?
Stacy: don't know, but now I have a new set of boobs to play with.
Blue and Pink: NOOOOOOOO-
(back to normal episode)
Raccoon: The End.
Blue: What the fuck was that!?
Raccoon: A scary story.
Red: That sucked!
Blue: Can we stop telling stories! Look how Lord Tourettes is reacting!
Lord Tourettes: (shaking in fear)
Pink: Aww! But I got a story!
Red: WHAT!? (laughs) I highly doubt that!
Rapper: Please! It wouldn't even be scary!
Pink: Can I just tell it?
Blue: Come on guys.
Red: Ugh fine.
Stacy: Go ahead.
Pink: Alright. Well it started one dark night...
(Black words with blood spell Demon Killer. It then shows Stacy getting into her bed)
Stacy: Good night my boobs.
(Stacy sleeps. Later a black shadow approaches her bed)
(it then cuts out Stacy's house as a scream is heard from inside)
Red: (walks in Stacy's room) Yo Stacy! Time to- (screams)
(Stacy is completley covered in gore and blood)
Red: HOLY SHIT! (bends down) MY BURRITO! (cries)
(later at the park with Blue and Pink)
Blue: Holy shit! Really?
Red: Yeah! My burrito was ruined!
Blue: NO! I meant Stacy! She was dead?
Pink: I wonder who killed her?
(suddenly Blink is heard screaming, it cuts to him dead on the grass)
Pink: BLINK!!! (cries)
Red: Huh? Could it be Wolf?
Blue: That's not true, today is when Wolf takes a break from killing.
(suddenly Pink gets stabbed and dies)
Blue: PIIIINK!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (cries)
Red: Say goodbye to yo wife!
Blue: SHUT UP!!!! (punches Red) I LOST MY FAMILY!! AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE!!?
Red: NO! I don't care about any shit you own!
(the trees begin to fall)
Blue: (shakes) What was that?
Red: Just trees fucktard, relax.
(suddenly giant claws shoot at Red and Blue)
(they dodge the claws right when they come out of the ground stabbing Red)
(suddenly, a demon ninja lands on the ground with a soundwave)
Blue: Wh- Who are you!?
Demon: I, am your worst nightmare.
Blue: D- Did you kill my friends?
Blue: You DID!
Demon: Maybe I did. You want your friends back? You must fight me and win.
Blue: Oh shit!
Raccoon: Blue-san! Use this! (gives great sword of destiny to Blue)
Blue: Alright, let's do this.
(they begin sword fighting with the demon winning, Blue dodges many slashes trying to stab the demon in the back)
Demon: You'll NEVER beat me!
Blue: Maybe I can't.... But this will. (throws cookies near the demon)
Demon: What the hell?
(suddenly Fifi jumps on the Demon for the cookies)
Fifi: (tackles Damon) COOKIES!
Demon: Get off me! don't you know what I am?
Fifi: um... A big moose. I win!
Demon: GET HER OFF ME!
Blue: Only if you bring my friends back!
Demon: FINE!!! (brings dead people back) YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME! (dissapears)
Pink: What happened?
Blue: Long story.
Fifi: I made friends with a big moose.
Blue: Fifi, doesnt Wolf miss you right now?
Fifi: Wolfy! i'm coming! (runs off)
Stacy: What happened to cloudy place?
Red: It was like heaven!
Blue: I wish Red was still dead.
(suddenly Red gets stabbed right when the story ends)
Pink: The End.
(everyone stares at Pink with shock)
Red; That was pretty scary.
Pink: Ha! I win!
Raccoon: Yes you did.
Lord Tourettes: I'll never sleep again.
Blue: That was actually really scary Pink. Nice job.
Pink: Thanks Blue!
Stacy: Seriously. You scared my boobs
(the fire suddenly blew out)
Red: the fuck?
Blue: What was that!?
(Eerie sounds came from the woods)
Pink: Are you guys doing this?
Blue: (scared) N- no....
(The trees start to groan and a cold wind blows through the trees)
Lord Tourettes: there's no place like CRAP! there's no place like CRAP! there's no place like CRAP!
(a large shadow quickly moves around the camp site)
Red: (Jumps on Blue) I don't want to die without fucking a girl!
Blue: Get off me!
(one large demon eye glows in the dark and stares at them. Causing everyone to scream in fear)
Red: I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!
Blue: PLEASE DON'T HURT US!!!
(Then a giant deformed flesh dangling monster with pale skin and white silky hair comes through the trees and roars at them in the highest pitch scream and it's mouth opens unnaturally wide and shows blood dripping long sharp teeth)
(Everyone screams and runs away with shit in their pants)
Wolf: (comes out of, what is now know as a giant machine) Ha. I guess I win then.
Blink: (comes out of the tent) Who are you?
Wolf: The winner of the scare game. (looks around) I think i better help you find your parents.
(the guys are seen running out of the forest)
Blue: DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT!?
Red: Yeah! I got shit in my pants now.
Lord Tourettes: I wanna go FUCK!'''''
Stacy: At least my shit is sexy right?
Rapper: Is it just me or did we forget someone?
Pink: Wait! where's Blink?
Raccoon: He sreeps with the demon now.
Blue: Did we forget him!? SHIT! That demon's going to kill him! (cries)
(Blink's voice is heard calling from in the dark woods)
Blink's voice: Mommy. Daddy. where are you?
(Blue and Pink run in the forest)
(they get closer to the voice)
Blink's Voice: Where are you. I'm scared mommy.
Blue: Blink! Where are you? We're coming!
(they come to a clearing where a small figure stands facing away from them covered in a tent cloth)
Blue: Blink? Is that-
(the figure turns around and only one red bright shining eye lights up and speaks in a shriveled up voice)
Small Dark Figure: Why did you leave me!?
Blue: Wh- Wai- Blink?
(it starts to float in the air)
Pink: We mean no harm! We're just looking for our son!
Small Dark Figure: Now you must know the dark truth!
(Blue and Pink hug in fear)
(It takes off the cloth and reveals itself as Wolf curled up to look small and wearing the cyborg eye)
Wolf: It was all just a joke. your son is right over there looking at you. (point to a tree where Blink was watching)
Blink: Mommy! Daddy!
Blue: Blink! Your okay!
Pink: (hugs Blink) Thank god!
Wolf: So did I win the scare game?
Blue: Wolf you dick!
Wolf: I already won that title years ago.
Blue: Let's just get the fuck outta here.
Pink: BLUE! What did I say about swearing in front of Blink!?
Blue: Sorry Pink. let's just go.
(crying is heard)
Pink: What's that?
Blue: Can we just go? This is getting creepy.