|Dancing On my Own|
I don't feel so good.
|Location||Ballbusters, Alice's apartment, and Vegan Restaurant|
|Other episodes by the author|
I Am The Man
Ex Marks The Spot
Veronica plans Molly's twenty fourth birthday, Alice deals with the aftermath of her agent's death. Michael and Emma help Thomas get over Molly
- Brief Nudity
- Adult Content
- Adult Language
- Sarah Connors
- Lavander (Blue)
- Scarlet (Red) (Mentioned)
On a Thursday
(Opens with Molly walking out of her room)
Veronica: (Out of nowhere) Surprise!
Molly: Fuck! (Punches Veronica in the face) Oh my god! I'm so sorry.
Veronica: (Gets up) It's fine, my face is so good, it won't leave a mark.
Molly: Well, I just hate surprises. I had to to deal with them my whole life.
Veronica: It's your birthday, today is so big.
Molly: Not really, I'm only turning twenty four, it's not like anything is changing.
Veronica: Today is still special. (Holds Molly's hands and swings them) We get to party, drink, and maybe do a little more later tonight.
Molly: (Giggles) Well then, today is special then. (Kisses Veronica, as it then cuts to Alice crying in bed)
Alice: (Sniffing) Today is just complete shit.
(Veronica walks in)
Veronica: I need to ask you some questions about Molly, it's her birthday.
Alice: I know, whenever someone surprises her, they usually end up punched in the face.
Veronica: The thing is, I want to plan her birthday party, but I can't decide what the theme should be.
Alice: Your asking me for help on what to do for Molly's birthday?
Alice: Well, planning a party for Molly is tricky.
Alice: Because she doesn't like parties.
Veronica: Is there some kind of reason why?
Alice: Well it goes back to a story she told me last year.
(Flashbacks to Molly drinking at a bar and is taking several shots of tequila)
Alice: (Overhead) When she turned twenty one she took the opportunity to get hammered and do whatever.
Molly: (To four men) Hey boys! Like this!? (Shows the men her naked breasts and they cheer for her)
Alice: (Overhead) After letting the men motorboat her breasts, she went to her dance instructor's apartment at two in the morning and knocked on her door.
Molly: Oh dancer! (Knocks harder on the door)
Dance Instructor: (Opens the door) Molly? Do you realize what time it is?
Molly: It's my twenty-first birthday!
Dance Instructor: You need to go home and get some sleep. (Tries to close the door but Molly just barges in)
Molly: (Drunk) No! I will dance for you! (Molly dances to the song Hey Baby and the dance instructor looks freaked out)
Dance Instructor: Seriously, you need to go home.
Alice: (Overhead) So Molly kept dancing and made the dance instructor step back until he hit his window, then suddenly.
Molly: (Drunk) Oh yeah! (Molly flies her right foot in the air and it hits the dance instructor and sends him out the window, he falls to the ground dead)
Alice: (Overhead) Molly had killed her dance instructor.
Veronica: Wow, so she is now afraid that if she gets drunk on her birthday she'll kill someone?
Alice: That's what she told me.
Veronica: Okay, well I'll make sure her birthday this year is even more special, even though I now have to change my plans.
Alice: What were your original plans?
Veronica: A brewery.
Alice: Now you have reconsidering.
(Cuts to Thomas on his computer at Ball Busters)
Thomas: So Online dating huh.
(Michael and Emma appear behind Thomas)
Michael & Emma: Hey.
Thomas: (Surprised) Jesus christ, don't scare me like that.
Emma: Are you dating online?
Thomas: (Sighs) Yes, look it may seem cheesy, but it'll help me get over Molly.
Michael: Well, online dating isn't going to help, you need to do it the old fashion way.
Emma: By actually going out and looking for someone.
Michael: But first, you have to get inside someone.
Thomas: Emotionally or…
Emma: Sexually you loner, haven't you learned that?
Thomas: I get it, well how are you two going to help me?
Michael: We're both experts at scoring with our opposite gender, we'll help you get into bed with someone.
Thomas: Alright, thanks.
(Cuts to Veronica and Alice setting up balloons and streamers in Ball Busters with the song Dancing On My Own playing)
Alice: So this will be a whole surprise after you take Molly out for dinner, and make sure she doesn't drink.
Veronica: Okay, I know this great place that makes the best vegan food.
Alice: Alright, we'll all be here ready to surprise here at seven, make sure your here.
Veronica: Got it, I'm going to go pick her up right now. (Veronica goes out the front door as it shows Simon and Sarah Connors kissing in a booth in the club)
Simon: This is so good what we have.
Sarah Connors: I know.
(They continue to kiss as Alice sees them)
Alice: (Sighs) They just happen to have all the luck.
(Alice walks away as it cuts to Molly and Veronica in a vegan restaurant sitting at a table)
Molly: So thanks for taking me out for my birthday, even though it's too a vegan place.
Veronica: I figure, we should, go somewhere we can both handle.
Molly: Both handle?
Veronica: Yeah why?
Molly: (Sighs) Alice told you about what happened on my twenty first birthday didn't she?
(Veronica nods yes)
Molly: Well, that's something I'm trying to avoid every birthday, so I'm glad you're concerned about me.
Veronica: This place well be great, they actually have good food here.
Molly: That's good to hear. (Twitches) So does this place have alcohol? (Shakes a little) Sorry, I just have that feeling for booze.
Veronica: (Worried) Can I do anything to help this crave?
Molly: I don't know, maybe something for me to put in my mouth or something? (Shakes a little)
Veronica: Um… (To the waiter) Waiter, can we have the beans please?
Molly: Bean? I like beans.
Veronica: This place has the best beans. (The waiter places a bowl of beans on they're table)
Molly: Oh good. (Eats the whole bowl of beans with her hands)
Veronica: Wow, you must be hungry, hope you have room for me later. (Giggles)
Molly: I could use something else in my mouth as well.
Veronica: Well… (Two glasses of pineapple juice are placed on their table) want some juice?
Molly: Oh yeah! (Drinks both glasses quickly)
Veronica: How do you feel?
Molly: I feel… (Hears her stomach make funny noises) like I have to shit.
Veronica: Are you serious?
Molly: Those beans and pineapple juice must have made me feel bloated.
Veronica: I guess vegan food can do that to you.
Molly: (In stomach pain) Ah man! We have to go!
Veronica: Okay, just let me pay the check.
Veronica: Ah fuck, you know what I never liked this place anyway let's go. (Runs outside with Molly as it cuts to many people at the surprise party at Ball Busters getting ready)
Alice: Okay, everything's all set.
(Cuts to Thomas at the bar looking at various women with Michael and Emma)
Michael: You're lucky tonight Tommy boy, there is a whole flock of women ready to score.
Thomas: I don't know, I'm not the kind of guy to just go to a bar and just close the deal with some random chick.
Emma: Well here are some tips to help you, considering I am a chick.
Thomas: What can you tell me?
Emma: Okay, when a woman slightly moves her head and locks her lips, it's a sign that she wants to close the deal.
Michael: And consider humor to be your best weapon, use it at the most necessary moments.
Thomas: What about when I approach a girl, what do I say?
Emma: Act like your on a date, ask her about her day, just ask her questions that always relate to her.
Michael: Then have a couple drinks, walk with her to her place, and then right when you get to the door, bam! You kiss her and you're in.
Emma: It should work, men do it to me all the time, Michael is an expert at it.
Michael: Learned all my good shit from Simon.
Thomas: Alright, I'm going to do it, wish me luck.
Emma: Wish you sex. (Thomas walks around the bar as Alice approaches Michael and Emma behind the bar counter)
Alice: So Thomas is getting over Molly?
Emma: Pretty much.
Michael: That's good for him, he should get out more and score with chicks, he's all young and new into the scene and…
(Alice interrupts by burping)
Alice: Opps (Giggles)
Emma: Ally are you drunk.
Alice: (Drunk) Okay, here's the deal. (Drinks a bottle of vodka straight from the bottle) Simon and Sarah are so happy together, that I should just say "fuck it" I should have more fun.
Michael: (To Alice) You do realize you are becoming your ex-boyfriend Simon, right?
Alice: (Drunk) What makes you think that?
Emma: Well, your drinking alcohol straight from the bottle, getting into random shit, and becoming a selfish loser.
Alice: That is so not! (Hears the song Dancing On My Own) Oh my god! This is my jam!
(Alice hops over the bar counter and does a drunk dance with a bunch of other random people on the dance floor, as it cuts to Thomas talking to a blue girl with a ponytail)
Thomas: (To Blue Girl) So how was your day?
Blue Girl: Well it could've been better, my "stupid roommate" ruined my date by puking all over our chicken, so I came here because I hear there's a big party.
Thomas: It's a big party for sure, and don't worry the chicken here is fresh and free of puke.
(The Blue girl giggles)
Thomas: But it's just for an acquaintance of mine, you wanna get out of here?
Blue Girl: Okay, sounds fun. (Finishes her martini and walks out of Ball Busters with Thomas as Michael and Emma give him the thumbs up sign)
Emma: That was so quick, he's going to be scoring much more in his life.
Michael: They grow up so fast.
(Cuts to Molly and Veronica on the bus and it hits many bumps)
Molly: (In stomach pain) F-U-U-U-U-C-C-C-C-K-K!
Veronica: (To Molly) We should be there soon.
Molly: (In stomach pain) I hope, otherwise these beans will be heading downtown and out of my ass!
(Molly looks outside and sees signs that say "Waterfall Toilets", "Streamline Bathrooms", and "Wet & Painful Trash Dump")
Molly: (In stomach pain) Everything is reminding me to shit!
Veronica: You'll be fine, just think of happy thoughts, something that makes you relax.
Molly: Well the only thing that will relax me is a bathroom at this moment right now.
(Cuts back to Ball Busters and Alice is sitting at the bar humming the chorus to Dancing On My Own)
Simon: Shouldn't Molly be here by now, she and Veronica are almost fifteen minutes late.
Emma: I got a text from Veronica, they should be here soon.
Alice: (Drunk) Who gives a shit.
Simon: (To Michael) What's with her?
Michael: A lot, she must have gone through a whole bunch of shit to get that drunk.
Emma: She'll be fine the next morning.
(Hears the bus pull up)
Emma: Oh shit, she's here, quick turn off the lights!
(The lights turn off, as Molly and Veronica approach the door)
Molly: (Frustrated) They better not be closed, I'm about to lose it!
Veronica: Just open the door!
Molly: Alright! (Molly opens the front door and walks in)
Everyone: (Yells) Surprise!
(Molly ends up surprised and is heard shitting and peening right out of her skirt and she looks shocked)
Veronica: (Rubs her head) Ehhh… surprise?
(Cuts to Thomas in bed the next morning in bed with the blue girl sleeping next to him and he smiles)
Thomas: (To himself) Well that was fun.
(Thomas gets up and puts his clothes on, and realizes the door is locked)
Thomas: (In his head) What the fuck? Her door is locked from the outside.
(Thomas sees a note under the door and reads it)
Scarlet: (In the note) Dear Lavender, I had to switch the door because I broke your old door, I should let you know that the lock is on the outside of this door, so don't let me accidentally lock this door from the outside, from your roommate Scarlet)
Thomas: (In his head) Fuck, I'm trapped.
(Thomas goes out Lavender's window and steps on the very thin ledge)
Thomas: (In his head) This is certainly an uncomfortable morning after.
(Lavender wakes up and sees Thomas out the window and screams)
Lavender: Oh shit! A robber! (Gets out her pepper spray)
Thomas: No, no, no, no. I'm the guy from last… (Lavender sprays Thomas in the face which causes him to fall three stories into a dumpster)
Lavender: (Quiet) Sorry.
Thomas: (In pain) Why!?
Created by AndrewBrauer
Written by AndrewBrauer
-Lightshow Episode 17-
- Aired on the same day as I Am The Man, due to schedule delays.
- The first time Lavander (Blue) and Scarlet (Red) are featured in Lightshow, meaning this episode took place in the genderbent world.
- Molly's birthday is revealed to be June 5th 1990, and is now currently twenty four.
- The third time Alice is shown drunk, the first two being Autotune and The Alcohol and But I...