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Darker and Edgier (and Sluttier)
Season 3, Episode 7
31. Darker and Edgier (and Sluttier) (3)
Air date 7/3/14
Written by IONIXMUSIC
Directed by IONIXMUSIC
Episode guide
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The Everyman
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Morons from Another Dimension!

Characters

Transcript

(Suzan is in a group meeting with the rest of the members of VAGINAS.)

Suzan: Okay, listen up people! Derek is now a father, so we have to upgrade our image.

Ianthe: To what?

Suzan: Something darker.

(They all gasp.)

Suzan: Something edgier!

(They are gasp louder.)

Suzan: Something SLUTTIER!

(They all faint.)

Suzan: Okay, okay. I know it might seem weird, but we need to upgrade so we can seem out of style.

Amy: Why do we need to go out of style? Doesn't that make us worse fighters?

Suzan: No, it makes us better and more intimidating fighters, so nobody would want to touch us.

Georgia: Okay, Suzan, you just want this because you're a mother now, right?

Suzan: Kinda, yeah.

Nicole: Wow, Suzan. It's all about you now, selfish bitch.

Suzan: It's not about me! It's about Derek! You know, the person who started this organization!

Absinthe: Well, she has a point.

Suzan: See, Absinthe gets it!

Absinthe: Okay, don't sugar coat it.

Nicole: Alright, fine. So where are the outfits?

Suzan: Oh, I'll get the outfits, just wait right here.

(She runs off.)

Ianthe: Oh, this is gonna be good.

1 HOUR LATER

(Suzan runs back with black, skimpy outfits.)

Ianthe: Oh my fucking god...

Suzan: I know, cool, right?

Ianthe: No, those are the worst outfits I've ever seen.

Suzan: Oh, you'll get used to it.

Ianthe: I beg to differ.

(The girls begin to get into the outfits, in a cheesy 90's dress-up montage.)

Nicole: Why...is...it...so...TIGHT?!

Suzan: To fit the skimpy-ness quota!

Nicole: You know, most of the time I can deal with your bullshit, Suzan. But now...this is too much.

Suzan: Well, it's not like you don't come up with bullshit too.

Violet: Yeah, I can agree with Suzan on that.

Suzan: Oh hey, Violet! I did not know you were here!

Violet: ...Fuck you, Suzan.

Suzan: All right, we all geared up?

(Cut to the girls, sloppily dressed in the suits.)

Suzan: Great!

Ianthe: I feel violated.

Suzan: Well, that's the point.

Georgia: So what are going to do with the suits?

Suzan: We're going to have a meeting with the DICKS crew!

Georgia: With the suits on?

Suzan: Yep!

Georgia (head in hands): Oh god this is going to be a train wreck.

(Suzan and the rest of the gang hop out a window, and head for DICKS HQ. As the run to the door, they're interrupted by Samuel.)

Samuel: What's up, Suzan? (pause) Okay...what's with the outfits?

Suzan: We're trying for a darker, edgier and sluttier look.

(Samuel scans Suzan from head to toe.)

Samuel: I see. So you think that dressing up in tight, spandex body suits with utility belts and camel toes will make you seem "edgy" and "dark"?

Suzan: Well, yeah.

Samuel: *sigh* All right. You can go in.

(Suzan runs into the HQ.)

Suzan: Hey, Derek!

(Derek sees Suzan in the suit, and he gets embarrassed.)

Derek: Oh my fucking god, Suzan.

Suzan: What, you don't like my suit?

Derek: No! I don't! That is completely inappropriate for the baby to see!

(Suzan turns from excitement to sadness.)

Suzan: What the hell, Derek?

Derek: Listen, Suzan. I...actually care about this child!

Suzan: What?

Derek: Okay, I used to not care about him. But, now that I got to hang around with him, I...really like 2.

Suzan: You got to be kidding me.

Derek: Hey, you had this child! I could've not even cared this baby, but I didn't. And if you don't care about him...then...I don't think that we can work out anymore.

Suzan: ...

Derek: I think we should see other people.

(Suzan hangs her head down, and walks out the door.)

Issac: Damn, dude. That was harsh.

Derek: Well, if she can't care for this child, then I can.

Issac: That's your choice, man.

(Derek sits down back in his chair.)

Derek: Hey 2.

(2 looks up at Derek.)

Derek: Don't worry, 2. Things will be alright.

(2 smiles at Derek.)

END.

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