Dates Are For Suckers

Air Date


Written By


Directed By



Z.E.N's house


Katie and Zach are tired of Z.E.N not having a relationship and 'life'


(Katie wakes up in the morning feeling good)

Katie: (yawns) today is going to be awesome!! (gets changed and gets a bowl of cereal and sits down) maybe ill call red, go to some party's drin- (notices the house shakes) what the fu-

(Scythe breaks through the houses wall)


Z.E.N: (comes running out of her room) fuck ya! see ya katie! me and sythe are terrorizing part of the city today~ (hops on scythe's back)


Z.E.N: pffft of course i am. (her and  scythe leave and you could hear people screaming in the distance)

Katie: (grumbles) crazy bitch, i have had enough! (hops into her car and starts to drive to Zachs house)

(mean while at Zachs house....)

Zach: im just going to chill and watch TV today (sits on the couch and turns on a football game but then his glass of water falls over) what?-

(Z.E.N and Sythe come barging through the wall scaring the crap out of Zach causing him to fall off the couch)

Zach: Z.E.N! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

Z.E.N: (jumps of sythe) want to join us in a killing spree big bro?


Z.E.N: your loss! (jumps back on sythe and pulls out a mini gun) hehehe (shoots some people walking down the street)

Zach: (slouches on the couch) jesus

Katie: (opens the door to Zachs house) Zach i need to- (sees the massive hole in the wall) let me guess, your sister payed you a visit?

Zach: hey! shes partly your sister too!

Katie: any ways, we need to do something about it!

Zach: if you mean change her then youve lost it

Katie: we should get her in a relationship

Zach: (sits up) hell no!

Katie: come on! she can't be a loner forever!

Zach: (groans) i like her the way she is

Katie: well maybe a boyfriend would calm her down!

Zach: (thinks hard) i guess we could try....

Katie: thank you!

Zach: so, where do we start?

(katie and Zach walk on the street looking for guys for Z.E.N)

Katie: lets get Red to help us

Zach: i don't know.that guy will fuck anything.

Katie: (waves at Red who's making out with a few chicks) RED! COME HELP US!!

Red: (ditches the girls he was making out with) sup babe? i can help out in the bed the most. (lifts up his eyebrows and grins)

Katie: we need your help to get Z.E.N a date you think you co-

Red: (is already running off) I GOT THIS!

Zach: he thinks of anything to touch my sister he's dead

Katie: (sighs) chill. lets just hope.... fuck.

(mean while with Red.....)

Red: (walks up to a group of guys) hey dudes! you ever see a brown chick with do diffrent colored eyes?

Guy 1: ya why?

Guy 2: is she sick?

Guy 3: is she actually a dude?

Red: No! rumor has it, that if you have sex with her, you would be legendary! you see, no man has ever touched her! 

(the group of guys all huddle up and start planning)

(Red goes and tells most of the guys in the whole city about Z.E.N)

Red: ahhhh. all in a days work

(Z.E.N is murdering a side of the city but notices its mostly girls)

Z.E.N: even better! (shoots a bazooka into a crowd of girls) 

Scythe: (notices a huge group of guys heading toward them) (Z.E.N... you might want to see this...)

Z.E.N: (what?) (sees the massive crowd and blushes) OH SHIT.

Guy: hey babe want to come to my place?

Z.E.N: (shoots him through the head) hahaha, no

(guys surround Scythe and Z.E.N and some even try to climb on to the snake before Scythe eats them)

Z.E.N: (is freaking out and sits on Scythe's head) (GO)

Scythe: (Now?)

Z.E.N: (YES NOW!!)

(Scythe and her take off as most of the guys run after them)

(back with Zach, Katie and Red....)

Zach: she better be ok you son of a bitch!

Red: chillax! she'll be fine!

(all of the sudden the ground rumbles and Scythe, Z.E.N and the massive crowd of guys pass by them)

Z.E.N: (is shooting as many as she can) WHAT THE FUCK?!?! (throws a grenade into the crowd) 

Zach: YOU DICK! (starts to beat the shit out of red)

Katie: whoa.

Z.E.N: (looks at katie, Red and Zach) MIND EXPLAINING THIS SHIT?!?!

Katie: (laughs nervously) we tried to get you a date and we let Red advertise

Z.E.N: (mouth open) YOU my friend, are absalutly retarded

Katie: (can not speak) Z-Z.E.N! LOOK OUT!!

(a few guys jump onto her)

Z.E.N: (Blushes and almost shuts down but she goes into FULL.ON.RED mode) (demonic voice) THAT IS IT!!

(camera moves to katie, Zach and Red as they look away horrified and get splattered with blood, guts and other body parts. They covered their ears to try to block out the screaming and pleas for help before they heard the sound of ripping flesh)

(Z.E.N eventually calms down and lyies down on Scythe, both soaked in blood)

Z.E.N: (glares at Katie and talks slowly) DATES.ARE.FOR.SUCKERS!!!

Katie: (groans) i give up! if you don't want a fucking life then fine! (stomps back home)

Z.E.N: that is what i intend to do 

Zach: (shakes his head and walks back home)

Z.E.N: now.... (looks at red and smiles evily)

Red: i am so-

(LT comes out of no where)

Lord Tourettes: FUCKED! (giggles and skips off)


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