|Death Battle 4|
Bird brain against pussy
|Other episodes by the author|
Foully fights Kitty Amazing in a Death Battle
(Shows Wolf and Red behind the desk)
Wolf: Welcome everyone for another pleasurable moment of death and destruction.
Red: He’s Wolf and I am awesome.
Wolf: Yes I am awesome and before we begin, we’re going to go down a list of strengths, skills and weaknesses to see who would win in a Death Battle.
Red: Today’s contestants while be in a fight to deliver the final animality. Wolf’s parrot Foully and My cat Kitty Amazing.
Wolf: Foully has lived over 25 years and is still in his prime. He has a mouth to surpass Lord Tourettes and the attitude to back it up.
Red: Foully is a foul mouth spewing fowl that will not hesitate to speak his foul worded mind and have no regrets.
Wolf: That’s why I kept him around. Also he can mimic anyone’s voice and anything’s sound.
Red: Hey, let’s listen to him make Blue sound like a loser.
Wolf: Maybe later, but Foully has sharpened his talons for fighting and his beak for gutting.
Red: How did he get that done?
Wolf: I used a sander and replaced his bone claws with star forged metal claws.
Red: You have too much time on your hands.
Wolf: But if his talons show fail, there is always his super foul mouth that can rip the flesh off your face at close range.
Red: Foully can fit through small spaces and bite his way through walls.
Wolf: But just like any other bird, he is still a tasty snack for the typical predator of birds.
Red: But it’s a good thing for Foully that he has the intelligence of a regular person to know what to do.
Wolf: Foully is stone hearted, uncaring, and a real pinfeather.
Red: Ha, good one.
(Shows Foully fly on a branch)
Foully: Go fuck your damn bitch ass face up you bastard.
(Next it shows Kitty Amazing)
Red: Abandoned like the shit I found her in and a heart melting bag of fur.
Wolf: And we mean that literally folks. Kitty Amazing can use it’s cuteness on certain people to melt their hearts inside their bodies.
Red: Kitty amazing can only be destroyed by her own reflection.
Wolf: Wait, how the fuck is she even alive?
Red: The fourth wall!
Wolf: Oh, I guess that makes sense.
Red: Thanks to the fourth wall, we were able to revive Kitty Amazing to fight another day.
Wolf: Kitty Amazing is a still framed character so that means she is immune to cuts or bruises, but she can still be smashed or ripped in two.
Red: So there is no telling if Kitty Amazing is growing weak because she has no emotions besides the sad looking face she has right now. (Looks at Kitty Amazing) Aww look at the little face.
Wolf: Yeah, it looks like she ran his face into a hammer.
Red: Even tough it may not look like it, but she move around if she wanted to.
Wolf: I’m guessing she slides or hops, which will most likely be the reason.
Red: Kitty Amazing’s other weakness is eye protection.
Wolf: She cannot affect her opponents while they have something to protect their eyes with.
Red: But that can give her the advantage to have them look away to avoid the stare and open them up for attack.
(Shows Kitty Amazing with a man)
Man: this cat is cute.
(Kitty Amazing meows and the man dies)
Wolf: Well the combatants are set. So let’s talk about where they will be fighting.
Red: Since they can’t do much, they will be fighting around Wolf’s home in the forest.
Wolf: And if any of them comes near my cottage, I’ll kill them and I’ll do it slow and painful so they cry for death. Then I’ll replay it in my mind as I sleep and hmm it like a tune in my mind all day. (Red stares at Wolf freaked
Red: You freak me out dude.
Wolf: Well now that is said, IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!
Red: Aww. I wanted to say that.
(Shows Kitty Amazing hop out of a dumpster and meows, then Foully flies in and give her the feather version of the middle finger)
Foully: I’m about to fuck this pussy up.
Deep Voice: FIGHT!
(Kitty Amazing leaps at Foully with a ferocious growl. Foully flaps to the side and flies up above Kitty Amazing . She tries to hop after Foully until he stops in front of a tree and held a broken stick full of sap and pine needles in his claws)
Foully: Bring it you fucking puss face.
(Kitty Amazing tried to hop around Foully but was fended off by the swinging stick. Kitty Amazing finally head butted into Foully knocking him down and begun to stomp on Foully. Foully was then able to slash his claws at kitty amazing and tossing her on the ground.)
Foully: I had enough of your fucking shit. Now it’s your turn to take mine!
(Foully flies in the air and starts to shoot a rapid fire of bird shit at Kitty Amazing. Kitty Amazing tumbled and rolled out of the way. Kitty Amazing starts to shake and shed fur towards Foully. As foully moved out of the way Kitty Amazing jumps on the tip of a tray of kitty litter and launches poop at Foully. As the poop flies past Foully the smell crosses his nose and causes him to get dizzy and fall to the ground. Kitty Amazing leaps at Foully until
he cusses a super blast to blow Kitty Amazing away)
Foully: (Comes up to Kitty Amazing bleeding against a wall) Foully you fucking pussy shit, I’m going to turn you into kitty litter.
(Kitty Amazing meows at the camera man and he falls dead on Foully crushing him)
Kitty Amazing: Meow.
Deep Voice: KO
Red: That was short.
Wolf: Well when you put two animals with little to do against each other.
Red: It looked like Kitty Amazing couldn’t melt the heart of the parrot but it sure worked on the camera man.
Wolf: Foully hates cats with a passion and his heart is too small to think of anything cute.
Red: Looks like pussy won in this round. But then again pussy always does.
Wolf: Not much could be explained about the results of this Death Battle. If anything could be said about it is dumb luck.
Red: Just like me.
Wolf: Dumb luck with you is an understatement.
Red: Well that’s all we have for today.
Wolf: Sorry Blue wasn’t here to make it. He got caught up in something.
Red: By the way, where is that pussy?
(Blue breaks through the closet door wrapped in a fishing net)
Wolf: Ah there he is. See ya!
Blue: You dick! You tied me up to miss the death battle you asshole! I’m going to kill you! (hops after Wolf still tied up)
Red: Death Battle!
COMMENT YOUR POLL VOTE
- 1/5 Unicorn Barf!
- 2/5 It was like Meh.
- 3/5 I guess it was... pretty good.
- 4/5 This is like crazy right?
- 5/5 CUZ I'M AWESOME