|Derek Makes a Return|
|Season 1, Episode 7|
Derek Strikes Back
A Small Step for Sex
- Derek and the D.I.C.K.S
- Suzan and the V.A.G.I.N.A.S
(On our last adventure, Derek was accepted into the D.I.C.K.S. Now, he has to face a mission that nobody would expect.)
Derek: I have to kill the president?! Are you mental?!
Suzan: No. This is serious. We need you to travel to D.C. to assassinate the president.
Issac: Alright! Let's go all JFK up in this bitch!
Cameron: Hey genius, who's gonna be running all 50 states afterwards?
Suzan: Us! All of us!
Derek: Okay, now you're really mental.
Suzan: Listen, we have intellegence far greater than any normal leader. We can overpower the government and send peace and rights throughout the U.S!
Kaleb: Alright, that sounds like a good plan, but there's one thing wrong. How in the hell are we gonna get into the White House undetected?!
(Suzan lays out a blueprint on a table.)
Suzan: We go at night. Choke the guards with poison gas and head towards the main office. Secondly, stealth your way towards the Presidental Bedroom and kill the President in his sleep.
Samuel: And how are we gonna get to D.C?
Derek: Train. We are going from California to Washington D.C by train.
Suzan: Yup! Sound simple?
Kaleb: Oh yeah it's simple! Hey while you're at it, can you get The Three Stooges to op in for us?
(The D.I.C.K.S sit down on a couch.)
Suzan: I'm completely serious!
Samuel: O RLY? Can you tell us which train we're riding then?
Derek: Suzan, do you know what it's like to be an assassin?
Kaleb: First of all, it's more than just go to that place, go to this place, boom, done.
Cameron: It requires special training and great intellegence.
Absinthe: Hey dude, stop yelling at us girls!
Kaleb: Hey dyke stereotype, get a life!
(A single tear runs down her face with sad music in the background.)
Derek: Well if we don't think of a better plan we'll be stuck here forever!
Samuel: Alright. We'll go by plane.
D.I.C.K.S: Woo! Best idea ever!
Violet: (whispering to Suzan) Why didn't you think of that before?
Issac: Let's go!
(The D.I.C.K.S jump out a window, breaking it.)
D.I.C.K.S: AW YEAH!
Suzan: *sigh...* Why don't we just kill them?
Ianthe: Wasn't that the entire point of you hiring him?
Suzan: I guess so. So how are we gonna kill them?
Amy: I got a plan.
(Amy puts a blueprint on top of the other one.)
Amy: Okay so...
(TWO HOURS LATER...)
Amy: And that's my master plan.
Ianthe: Sweet. Let's go!
(They head towards the door until...)
Suzan: Wait! Can we do a quick review?
Georgia: Suzan...can you...stay behind?
Georgia: I'm sorry...but you're so slow!
Suzan: Oh yeah. Blame the zombie for being slow.
Georgia: No, I meant slow at learning and adapting subjects.
Suzan: Fine! I'll stay back!
(All of them except Suzan leave.)
(Her eyes start glowing red with fire.)
Suzan: We'll see who's the slow one.