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Derek Makes a Return
Season 1, Episode 7
7. Derek Makes a Return
Air date 6/27/13
Written by IONIXMUSIC
Directed by IONIXMUSIC
Episode guide
Previous
Derek Strikes Back
Next
A Small Step for Sex
Derek is back with his follow DICKS on an epic adventure. Meanwhile, Suzan and her fellow VAGINAS plot to stop the DICKS dead in their tracks.

Characters

  • Derek and the D.I.C.K.S
  • Suzan and the V.A.G.I.N.A.S

Transcript

(On our last adventure, Derek was accepted into the D.I.C.K.S. Now, he has to face a mission that nobody would expect.)

Derek: I have to kill the president?! Are you mental?!

Suzan: No. This is serious. We need you to travel to D.C. to assassinate the president.

Issac: Alright! Let's go all JFK up in this bitch!

Cameron: Hey genius, who's gonna be running all 50 states afterwards?

Suzan: Us! All of us!

(Silence.)

Derek: Okay, now you're really mental.

Suzan: Listen, we have intellegence far greater than any normal leader. We can overpower the government and send peace and rights throughout the U.S!

Kaleb: Alright, that sounds like a good plan, but there's one thing wrong. How in the hell are we gonna get into the White House undetected?!

Suzan: Simple.

(Suzan lays out a blueprint on a table.)

Suzan: We go at night. Choke the guards with poison gas and head towards the main office. Secondly, stealth your way towards the Presidental Bedroom and kill the President in his sleep.

Samuel: And how are we gonna get to D.C?

Suzan: Train!

Derek: Train. We are going from California to Washington D.C by train.

Suzan: Yup! Sound simple?

Kaleb: Oh yeah it's simple! Hey while you're at it, can you get The Three Stooges to op in for us?

(The D.I.C.K.S sit down on a couch.)

Suzan: I'm completely serious!

Samuel: O RLY? Can you tell us which train we're riding then?

Suzan: Any!

Derek: Suzan, do you know what it's like to be an assassin?

Kaleb: First of all, it's more than just go to that place, go to this place, boom, done.

Cameron: It requires special training and great intellegence.

Absinthe: Hey dude, stop yelling at us girls!

Kaleb: Hey dyke stereotype, get a life!

(A single tear runs down her face with sad music in the background.)

Derek: Well if we don't think of a better plan we'll be stuck here forever!

Samuel: Alright. We'll go by plane.

D.I.C.K.S: Woo! Best idea ever!

Violet: (whispering to Suzan) Why didn't you think of that before?

Suzan: Ugh...

Issac: Let's go!

(The D.I.C.K.S jump out a window, breaking it.)

D.I.C.K.S: AW YEAH!

Suzan: *sigh...* Why don't we just kill them?

Ianthe: Wasn't that the entire point of you hiring him?

Suzan: I guess so. So how are we gonna kill them?

Amy: I got a plan.

(Amy puts a blueprint on top of the other one.)

Amy: Okay so...

(TWO HOURS LATER...)

Amy: And that's my master plan.

Ianthe: Sweet. Let's go!

(They head towards the door until...)

Suzan: Wait! Can we do a quick review?

Georgia: Suzan...can you...stay behind?

Suzan: What?!

Georgia: I'm sorry...but you're so slow!

Suzan: Oh yeah. Blame the zombie for being slow.

Georgia: No, I meant slow at learning and adapting subjects.

(Silence.)

Suzan: Fine! I'll stay back!

Georgia: Great.

(All of them except Suzan leave.)

Suzan: *sniff...*

Suzan: Dicks.

(Her eyes start glowing red with fire.)

Suzan: We'll see who's the slow one.

END.

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