|Dick Figures Show|
Word of the day!
|Location||TV show room|
|Other episodes by the author|
Fifi and the Wolf
Wolf and Red make their own TV show with interviews, stories, and crazy events.
(Bath Rhymes music plays with sounds of applause as the camera lowers down from above to show Wolf and Red behind a desk)
Wolf: Gun Ho bitches
Red: (gets on the desk and pelvic thrusts) Suck my dick!
Wolf: Welcome to the very first show Red and I have sabotaged from another show you will no longer be seeing.
(Shows disappointment viewer watching the TV)
Red: And if you are thinking to change the channel. (comes out of the TV screen and points a sword at the viewer) don't you do a God damn thing! (goes back in the TV) and have fun watching this show against your will suckas!
Wolf: Well I know that a lot of fans of Dick figures can't stand the way I am and think I should be a more civilized person and not such a heartless dick most of the time.
Red: Well you better suck you own dick and live with it.
Wolf: exactly assholes. if you can't stand the sight of me killing and making a joke out of it then go back to watching your soap opera shows and cry like a bitch.
Red: I know you are now thinking that we shouldn't talk like this to our viewers. well tough luck. this is our show and you are now our slaves! (Laughs)
Wolf: now we took the liberty of kidnapping some guest by either sedating them or whacking them over the head with a blunt object. so for tonight let us bring out our first and probably already predicted guest Blue!
(Blue is thrown on a couch near the desk tied up with duck tape on his mouth as he struggles to get loose)
Red: Time to rip out the questions. (rips off the duck tape from Blue)
Blue: OW!!! God damn it! where the hell am I?
Wolf: What a question to begin with. Well my blue smurf friend, we are on...
(Zooms out to show a sign of the show's name in flashing lights)
Everyone: The Dick Figure Show!
Blue: Get me out of here you jerk!
(A sign comes down flashing "The Word Of The Day" while everyone cheers)
Wolf: congratulations Blue you just said the word of the day.
Wolf: tell him what he's won Stacy.
Stacy: (laying across the hood of a new sports car) You win a brand new hot rod! (moans as she rubs herself against the car)
Blue: wow really?
Red: and a kick to the nuts! (kicks Blue's balls)
Blue: Rrrrgh! why!?
Wolf: Now Blue, the first question we have for you today is... (pulls out a card from a jar) Why do you masturbate?
Blue: What?! (lies) I - I don't do that.
Wolf: (makes a buzzer sound) wrong answer! (pushes a button and has a gallons of blood dumped on him)
Blue: OH MY GOD!!!
Red: care to answer that question again?
Blue: (cries) alright, alright. I do it to relieve stress okay?
Red: Stacy tell Blue what he has won.
Stacy: Five tons of gold! (rubs her boobs with gold)
Blue: What the fuck?
Red: next question. (pulls out a card) What the fuck is a sun?
Blue: what kind of question is that?
Stacy: ding! ding! ding! tell him what he's won Stacy. He has one two boobs to the face! (smothers Blue's face in her boobs)
Red: that wasn't in the script.
Stacy: I know. I just wanted to rub my boobs on someone.
Blue: (takes a breath after Stacy gets off) What the fuck?!
Wolf: nice one. it seems we have a caller wanting to talk to Blue.
Blue: (is put on speaker) Hello?
Pink: What the fuck Blue?!
Blue: Pink?! you were watching?!
Pink: It's on every channel!
Blue: it's not my fault!
Pink : We will talk about this when you get home! (hangs up)
Wolf: looks like someone won't get some tonight.
Blue: SHUT UP YOU BASTARDS!!!
Wolf: on to the next event.
Red: The game challenge.
(Blue is suddenly placed against a wall with a huge target on it)
Blue: uh, what kind of game is this?
Red and Wolf: EXTREME DODGE BALL!!!
(crowd cheers as Wolf and Red shoot at Blue with cannons as Blue scrambles around for his life)
Blue: I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!!!
Red: It's the Dick Figure Show. you don't need to sign up for anything (laughs)
Blue: I'm getting the FCC for this!
Wolf: well you can try but we are just going to lock them in the back with the rest of them.
(a door opens to see a bunch of FCC agents chained up hanging upside down in a torture room)
Blue: you guys are insane!
Red: I know isn't it awesome!?
(Wolf and Red run out of cannon balls)
Wolf: Well looks like our guest made it without a scratch.
Blue: (out of breath on the floor) damn...you... guys.
Red: hot mama tell him what he's won.
Stacy: you've won a brand new private plane! (riding on top of the plane) check out the shaft on this thing.
Wolf: Now onto the interview.
(Red kicks Blue into a chair then Wolf and Red sit in their chair across from Blue)
Wolf: So Blue how does it feel to be a apart of two movies like the DF movie and the fanon DFFU movie?
Blue: uh well it's...
Wolf: very interesting moving on.
Blue: But i didn't get to...
Red: We know but we felt a yawn coming.
Red: so how does it feel to have your children named in the fanon when the canon didn't bother to name them?
Blue: it really pissses me off to think they didn't think my first children weren't important enough for a name. especially my first born child!
Wolf: oh well then. water under the bridge right?
Blue: like hell it's water under the bridge!
Wolf: good t know you got passed it. Moving on!
Blue: but I just... (groans) nevermind
Wolf: Well looks like our time here is running short but before we go we would like to give Blue a parting gift.
Blue: really? what do I get?
Wolf: (kicks Blue out a window) A swift kick in the ass sucker! (laughs)
(Blue falls into a garbage dumpster before it is emptied by a garbage truck)
Red: well we hope you liked this show. Be sure to ask for a request on this show if you want to be on.
Wolf: well I had all those prizes sent to Blue's place.
Red: how did it go?
(Shows Blue's house with gold dumped on the roof, the sports car on top of blue's old car, and the smashed into the side of the garage)
Wolf: I don't think we need to worry about it.
Red and Wolf: Fuck off everybody!
(Bath Rymes music plays with the sounds of applause as the show ends)
Blue: (sees his house) MY HOUSE!!!