Epic Dating Fail
Epic Dating Fail
Wolf. It's time for you to get a girlfriend.
Air date 12-05-13
Written by Alpha-LoneWolf and YoshiRocker13
Directed by Alpha-LoneWolf
Location Streets
Other episodes by the author

Getting Whooped

Crazy Is Golden



Red and Blue try to get a girlfriend for Wolf, but turns out to be a horrible mistake.


Blue: Red i got to talk to you about something

Red: What's that bitch?

Blue: You think maybe it's time Wolf got a girlfriend?

Red: Why? you want to make a porn video with Wolf and his new girlfriend?

Blue: Well Wolf has been very stressed lately. I think a girlfriend could cheer him up and make him feel calm. Like how Pink makes me feel calm and happy.

Red: Wolf is always stressed even in a good mood.

Blue: Well I think he should just TRY to hook up with one.

Red: Meh, why not?

(Blue and Red head to Wolf's cabin)

Blue: (knocks) Hello? Wolf you there?

Wolf: (opens the door biting off the head of a bird) yes?

Blue: (sighs) I can't believe I'm about to say this but- Wolf. It's time for you to get a girlfriend.

Wolf: (laughs while spitting pieces of the bird in Blue's face) You got to be kidding me. That is funnier than

turning a chipmunk inside out.

(Red Begins to laugh too)

Blue: Come on Wolf. A girl could really help you out. Who knows, you could make her a killer like you. Plus the important thing is that she'll always be there to make you feel calm.

Wolf: Since when do i need to be calm? (hears a bird chirping and then shoots it with a rocket launcher) Fucking bird.

Blue: Come on Wolf. Can you at least TRY?

Wolf: If you can find one, then I will try. but I won't guarantee i won't kill her.

Blue: If you kill her Wolf. I swear to God I REALLY WILL post that video of your wedding with Fifi.

Wolf: you know I can do something even worse to you right?

Red: Uh, Blue i think we better not.

Blue: (sighs) Fine I'll find you a girl.

(later Red and Blue are back at the city)

Red: How are we going to find a girl good enough for Wolf?

Blue: We look I guess. We find someone who is nice enough for him. Maybe lucky enough we find a girl who likes to kill like Wolf does. But I highly doubt that.

Red: Lets try some hookers first. They'll do anything.

Blue: (sighs) Fine.

(later Red brings Wolf a hooker)

Hooker: You look man enough for me to tame.

Wolf: (glares before throwing her in front of an on coming train) Wrong word bitch.

(back at the city)

Red: Okay maybe not a hooker.

Blue: Well THAT was a terrible idea.

Red: Lets see you try asshole.

Blue: Let's try to find a nice girl who obviously wouldn't want to tame Wolf.

Red: Who are we going to find like that?

Blue: Let's just look.

(Red spots a light purple girl on her phone)

Girl: (on her phone) Yeah so I just broke up with my last boyfriend and-

Blue: How about her?  

Red: Meh, any girl you pick is a stupid idea.

(back at with Wolf)

Girl: So what are you like?

Wolf: to put it simply, I love killing things from babies to ancient old things. I don't discriminate who I kill and sometimes get a boner from it.

Girl: (disgusted) What is wrong with you!? (walks away)

Blue: Did you really need to tell her about that!?

Wolf: Why not? some things shouldn't be a secret. (shoots the girl in the head)

Blue: You know? Maybe Wolf just shouldn't have a girlfriend at all.

(begins to walk away)

Red: wait, I want to try more to see him kill them (runs off)

(Later Red brings an Emo girl)

Red: how about her?

Emo: I like to bleed.

Wolf: (Slices her in half) I like to see people bleed.

Blue: Look! I give up! Wolf's just going to keep killing every girl we bring him!

Red: More! (runs off again)

Blue: You know what? Find all the girls you want! I'm going home!

(Later brings Wolf a Librarian)

Wolf: What the fuck are you?

Librarian: Shh. Quiet.

Wolf: (Pulls a cannon out and blasts her) I'm sorry! I couldn't hear you!

(Red Finds Rapper)

Red: hey dude. help me find some girls to try to be Wolf's girlfriend so he can kill them.

Rapper: Wolf killing girls? Sounds cool.

Red: Who should we choose next?

Rapper: Hmm.... How about that girl over there?

(Points to a girl reading her novel)

Red: Lets check it out.

(later with Wolf)

Girl: Hi, you like books?

Wolf: As long as it is blessed with action and death and not cursed with drama and chick flicks.

(the girl hits Wolf's face with her book and walks away)

Rapper: Boom, girl's dead.

Wolf: (Throws a spear right at her heart) I also read books on how to throw weapons.

Red: Who should we choose next?

Rapper: How about those three prostitutes? I heard Indigo really wants them dead.

(later the three prostitutes are brought to Wolf)

Prostitutes: So is this the one we're fucking?

Wolf: What's it to you?

Rapper: Well aren't you going to kill them?

Prostitute #1: Wait what?

Wolf: well if you're begging. (Beheads them with one strike of a sword)

(Blue angrily walks through his door and takes a seat on the sofa)

Blue: Augh! I am never doing that again!

Pink: What?

Blue: Having to find Wolf a girlfriend and he ends up killing them.

Rapper: How about this girl next?

Blue: (face palms) God damn it.

Red: How about Stella? maybe they'll cancel Fang Angels.

(Rapper brings Stella to Wolf)

Blue: Oh no you don't! Your not cancelling Pink's favourite show! (runs outside)

(later with Wolf)

Wolf: what the fuck?

Rapper: How about this one Wolf?

(Blue grabs Stella and runs off with her)

Blue: I'm not letting you kill Stella so Pink's favourite show won't be cancelled!

Red: Damn it!

Rapper: Oh well.

Red: I know!

(Later brings the three airheads)

Wolf: (before they could speak Wolf runs them over with a tank and shoots their smashed bodies with the tank cannon) NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!

(Blue quickly hides Stella in his room)

Blue: Phew. That was close.

Pink: Blue? why is She in your room?

Blue: Long story.

Blue: I'm sure you still want Fang Angels to continue running. (opens the door to find her gone) The fuck!?

Rapper: Sorry dude! Most girls gotta die!

Blue: DAMN IT RAPPER!!! Well at least there's no way she could take- (finds Pink gone) Pink? Pink!?

(back with Wolf)

Wolf: (Points to Stella) Why is she here?

Rapper: Duh? Kill her dude.

Stella: I can never die because love can never...

Wolf: (Cuts her into 20 pieces) Sorry, I didn't want to hear the rest of that crap.

Red: Why is Pink here?

Blue: PINK! (takes her) What are you doing!?

Wolf: I don't know. I just thought they brought her to see Stella die along with the show.

Rapper: Uh Blue? That's not Pink.

Blue: Then who is it?

Red: A pink look-alike but she has TWO pony tails.

Blue: So, this isn't-

Wolf: Who is it?

Girl: They call me Pinky. I'm how you say a-

(Wolf shoots her in the head with a shotgun)

Wolf: I don't really care.

Blue: Screw this. (walks away)

Wolf: Are you done trying to set me up with a girlfriend now?

Blue: YES!!! God Fucking damn it! (walks away)

Red: Yeah I guess we had our fun. I actually hoped you wouldn't get one.



  • 1/5 Unicorn Barf!
  • 2/5 It was like Meh.
  • 3/5 I guess it was... pretty good.
  • 4/5 This is like crazy right?

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