|Epic Dating Fail|
Wolf. It's time for you to get a girlfriend.
|Written by||Alpha-LoneWolf and YoshiRocker13|
|Other episodes by the author|
Crazy Is Golden
Red and Blue try to get a girlfriend for Wolf, but turns out to be a horrible mistake.
Blue: Red i got to talk to you about something
Red: What's that bitch?
Blue: You think maybe it's time Wolf got a girlfriend?
Red: Why? you want to make a porn video with Wolf and his new girlfriend?
Blue: Well Wolf has been very stressed lately. I think a girlfriend could cheer him up and make him feel calm. Like how Pink makes me feel calm and happy.
Red: Wolf is always stressed even in a good mood.
Blue: Well I think he should just TRY to hook up with one.
Red: Meh, why not?
(Blue and Red head to Wolf's cabin)
Blue: (knocks) Hello? Wolf you there?
Wolf: (opens the door biting off the head of a bird) yes?
Blue: (sighs) I can't believe I'm about to say this but- Wolf. It's time for you to get a girlfriend.
Wolf: (laughs while spitting pieces of the bird in Blue's face) You got to be kidding me. That is funnier than
turning a chipmunk inside out.
(Red Begins to laugh too)
Blue: Come on Wolf. A girl could really help you out. Who knows, you could make her a killer like you. Plus the important thing is that she'll always be there to make you feel calm.
Wolf: Since when do i need to be calm? (hears a bird chirping and then shoots it with a rocket launcher) Fucking bird.
Blue: Come on Wolf. Can you at least TRY?
Wolf: If you can find one, then I will try. but I won't guarantee i won't kill her.
Blue: If you kill her Wolf. I swear to God I REALLY WILL post that video of your wedding with Fifi.
Wolf: you know I can do something even worse to you right?
Red: Uh, Blue i think we better not.
Blue: (sighs) Fine I'll find you a girl.
(later Red and Blue are back at the city)
Red: How are we going to find a girl good enough for Wolf?
Blue: We look I guess. We find someone who is nice enough for him. Maybe lucky enough we find a girl who likes to kill like Wolf does. But I highly doubt that.
Red: Lets try some hookers first. They'll do anything.
Blue: (sighs) Fine.
(later Red brings Wolf a hooker)
Hooker: You look man enough for me to tame.
Wolf: (glares before throwing her in front of an on coming train) Wrong word bitch.
(back at the city)
Red: Okay maybe not a hooker.
Blue: Well THAT was a terrible idea.
Red: Lets see you try asshole.
Blue: Let's try to find a nice girl who obviously wouldn't want to tame Wolf.
Red: Who are we going to find like that?
Blue: Let's just look.
(Red spots a light purple girl on her phone)
Girl: (on her phone) Yeah so I just broke up with my last boyfriend and-
Blue: How about her?
Red: Meh, any girl you pick is a stupid idea.
(back at with Wolf)
Girl: So what are you like?
Wolf: to put it simply, I love killing things from babies to ancient old things. I don't discriminate who I kill and sometimes get a boner from it.
Girl: (disgusted) What is wrong with you!? (walks away)
Blue: Did you really need to tell her about that!?
Wolf: Why not? some things shouldn't be a secret. (shoots the girl in the head)
Blue: You know? Maybe Wolf just shouldn't have a girlfriend at all.
(begins to walk away)
Red: wait, I want to try more to see him kill them (runs off)
(Later Red brings an Emo girl)
Red: how about her?
Emo: I like to bleed.
Wolf: (Slices her in half) I like to see people bleed.
Blue: Look! I give up! Wolf's just going to keep killing every girl we bring him!
Red: More! (runs off again)
Blue: You know what? Find all the girls you want! I'm going home!
(Later brings Wolf a Librarian)
Wolf: What the fuck are you?
Librarian: Shh. Quiet.
Wolf: (Pulls a cannon out and blasts her) I'm sorry! I couldn't hear you!
(Red Finds Rapper)
Red: hey dude. help me find some girls to try to be Wolf's girlfriend so he can kill them.
Rapper: Wolf killing girls? Sounds cool.
Red: Who should we choose next?
Rapper: Hmm.... How about that girl over there?
(Points to a girl reading her novel)
Red: Lets check it out.
(later with Wolf)
Girl: Hi, you like books?
Wolf: As long as it is blessed with action and death and not cursed with drama and chick flicks.
(the girl hits Wolf's face with her book and walks away)
Rapper: Boom, girl's dead.
Wolf: (Throws a spear right at her heart) I also read books on how to throw weapons.
Red: Who should we choose next?
Rapper: How about those three prostitutes? I heard Indigo really wants them dead.
(later the three prostitutes are brought to Wolf)
Prostitutes: So is this the one we're fucking?
Wolf: What's it to you?
Rapper: Well aren't you going to kill them?
Prostitute #1: Wait what?
Wolf: well if you're begging. (Beheads them with one strike of a sword)
(Blue angrily walks through his door and takes a seat on the sofa)
Blue: Augh! I am never doing that again!
Blue: Having to find Wolf a girlfriend and he ends up killing them.
Rapper: How about this girl next?
Blue: (face palms) God damn it.
Red: How about Stella? maybe they'll cancel Fang Angels.
(Rapper brings Stella to Wolf)
Blue: Oh no you don't! Your not cancelling Pink's favourite show! (runs outside)
(later with Wolf)
Wolf: what the fuck?
Rapper: How about this one Wolf?
(Blue grabs Stella and runs off with her)
Blue: I'm not letting you kill Stella so Pink's favourite show won't be cancelled!
Red: Damn it!
Rapper: Oh well.
Red: I know!
(Later brings the three airheads)
Wolf: (before they could speak Wolf runs them over with a tank and shoots their smashed bodies with the tank cannon) NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!!!
(Blue quickly hides Stella in his room)
Blue: Phew. That was close.
Pink: Blue? why is She in your room?
Blue: Long story.
Blue: I'm sure you still want Fang Angels to continue running. (opens the door to find her gone) The fuck!?
Rapper: Sorry dude! Most girls gotta die!
Blue: DAMN IT RAPPER!!! Well at least there's no way she could take- (finds Pink gone) Pink? Pink!?
(back with Wolf)
Wolf: (Points to Stella) Why is she here?
Rapper: Duh? Kill her dude.
Stella: I can never die because love can never...
Wolf: (Cuts her into 20 pieces) Sorry, I didn't want to hear the rest of that crap.
Red: Why is Pink here?
Blue: PINK! (takes her) What are you doing!?
Wolf: I don't know. I just thought they brought her to see Stella die along with the show.
Rapper: Uh Blue? That's not Pink.
Blue: Then who is it?
Red: A pink look-alike but she has TWO pony tails.
Blue: So, this isn't-
Wolf: Who is it?
Girl: They call me Pinky. I'm how you say a-
(Wolf shoots her in the head with a shotgun)
Wolf: I don't really care.
Blue: Screw this. (walks away)
Wolf: Are you done trying to set me up with a girlfriend now?
Blue: YES!!! God Fucking damn it! (walks away)
Red: Yeah I guess we had our fun. I actually hoped you wouldn't get one.
COMMENT YOUR POLL VOTE
- 1/5 Unicorn Barf!
- 2/5 It was like Meh.
- 3/5 I guess it was... pretty good.
- 4/5 This is like crazy right?
- 5/5 CUZ I'M AWESOME