This retarded girl gets more attention than me!?
|Written by||AndrewBrauer & Alpha-Lonewolf|
|Other episodes by the author|
Rare's Cookie Monster
Fifi has discovered a new way to ruin Rare, by stealing all her attention. What could go wrong?
(Rare is shown leaving a fancy restaurant and cameras are flashing at her as Rare poses for the cameras)
Rare: (Giggles) I love the attention.
Fifi: (comes through the front doors) HI COOKIE FAIRY!
Rare: (To herself) Oh shit! (Tries to run away but Fifi tackles her)
Fifi: Tag you're it! (sees a celebrity near by eating cookie ice cream) COOKIE! (Jumps on their table and eats the ice cream in a messy manner)
Cameraman One: Look, that purple girl is making a scene!
Cameraman Two: Let's get some pics of this!
(The group of cameramen take pictures of Fifi)
Fifi: Am I on a movie?
(Camera's keep flashing on Fifi as Rare gets up and grows angry)
Rare: (Angry) Are you fucking serious!?
Celebrity: That is mine you idiot!
Fifi: Oh then have some. (throws the ice cream in their face)
Cameraman One: This is golden! (Takes pictures of Fifi throwing ice cream at the celebrity's face)
Celebrity: You little moron!
Fifi: (pat's him on the head) don't get mad. get Glad (gives him a box of Glad plastic bags)
(Rare grabs Fifi by her head and throws her into a truck as she splatters by it)
Rare: Problem solved! (The cameramen are shocked but decide to take photos of Rare)
Fifi: (comes back) That truck was pretty rude. he didn't even say excuse me.
(The cameramen run over Rare and then take pictures of Fifi)
Rare: (Angry) You can't be serious, right!? (The cameramen ignore Rare)
Fifi: Do you want a cookie? I keep a lot in my skirt. (pulls out one) I had this one for three years.
Fifi: aww you must be shy. I'll help you. (stuffs it in her mouth)
Rare: (Muffled) No! (Spits it out and looks disgusted) Don't ever do that again! (Gets up and leaves)
Fifi: okay. (takes out another from her skirt and puts it in Rare's skirt) now you have one for later. Aren't I the niciest?
(LATER THAT DAY)
(Rare is sitting on her couch and is watching the news)
News Reporter: Headlines today involves a purple woman, throwing ice cream at people, the paparazzi got great photos and made us wonder "Who is this purple woman"?
(Rare turns off the television and looks mad)
Rare: (Angry) This retarded girl gets more attention than me!?
(hears water dripping)
Rare: (Sighs) I bet that must be her. (Gets up)
(she sees a trail of water flooding the room coming from her bathroom)
Rare: Fifi? Is that you?
Fifi: (inside her bathroom) Ahoy matey!
Rare: I'm going to say this once. (Yells) GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM, NOW!!!
Fifi: (From inside the bathroom with it's door closed while water leaks from the bottom) Captain cookie beard never takes orders! Arr!
Rare: I'm warning you! One!
Fifi: Yar! tis the Lochness Monster!
Rare: Two! (Is about to open the door)
Fifi: be off before she blows!
Rare: Three! (Opens the door)
(a massive burst of water roars out and washes Rare all the way outside her home with Fifi on a floatation device. Unfortunately the paparazzi was outside watching them)
Cameraman One: There's the purple girl!
(The cameramen take pictures of Fifi)
Fifi: Yay fireworks! (points at the camera flashes)
Rare: NO!!!! (Grabs Fifi and beats her to a bloody pulp)
Fifi: Yay Cookie Fairy loves me 58 times!
Rare: (Angry) STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!! (The cameras flash at Rare beating up Fifi)
Fifi: Look flashy men. Cookie Fairy loves me and I love her too. (kisses Rare on the cheek)
Cameraman Two: We got ourselves some lesbians! (Takes even more pictures of the two)
Rare: No! We're not in love!!
Fifi: Yay! I like lesbeans
(Rare pushes Fifi to the side and walks away as cameras keep flashing on them)
Rare: Get away from me you dumb purple bitch!
Fifi: Can we make lesbeans to make burritos?
Cameraman One: No lesbians are girls who love each other romantically
Fifi: I never heard such a thing. you're not making any sense.
Cameraman Two: Well at least we can work with this
Rare: Fuck! (Gets in her sports car and drives away from everyone)
Fifi: Hey Mr flashy men. I can show you all of Cookie Fairy's stuff in her room. follow me to the Chips Ahoy land. (skips up to Rare's room)
Cameraman One: We can get some photo's of Rare's mansion.
Cameraman Two: Let's take some pics of it. (Follows Fifi into Rare's room)
Fifi: (Opens her door) Open house! (starts hopping on Rare's bed as the Camera men start taking pictures of her stuff)
Cameraman One: This is going to look great on tv tonight!
Fifi: I'm getting hot. (takes off her clothes and continues to jump on Rare's bed) Bouncy bouncy birdy! Tee hee.
Cameraman Two: We're going to get so much money!
(Later on when Rare stops by near a TV for the news to play)
News Reporter: And today, it's confirmed that the purple girl is in a secret relationship with Rare, as confirmed by this pic of the two kissing by her house. (A pic of Fifi kissing Rare's cheek is shown)
Rare: (Grabs the television and smash it on the ground) I HATE THAT FUCKING BITCH!!!!
Girl: OMG is that Rare?!
Rare: (Notices the girl and calms down) Why, yes I am.
Girl: Do you know Fifi? She is so awesome and wild! I wish I could be like her.
2nd Girl: Look at what she does here.
(shows a video on her phone showing Fifi naked and jumping on Rare's bed)
Rare: (Shocked) That's my bed! Why is she doing that on my bed!?
Girl: They said she opened your room to let the camera men in to take pictures and she took her clothes off to jump on your bed.
2nd Girl: is it true you two had sex?
Rare: I… (Thinks in her head) This could help me win over fans in the gay community. (To the Girls) Yes, we had sex.
Girl: OMG I am totally tweeting this.
Rare: (Thinks) This could work.
(Rare sees a firetruck heading down the street heading towards her home's direction)
Rare: (Sighs) What did that bitch do now? (Gets in her sports car and follows the firetruck)
(She soon arrives at her home as it is bursting into flames and people dances in front of it)
Rare: (Shocked) What is going on!?
Dancing guy: Fifi lit the place on fire! isn't that awesome? (continues to dance)
Rare: (Sighs) I better fix this. (Gets on her phone and confirms that she and Fifi are not going out) This will teach you not to burn down my home.
Fifi: (comes up to Rare) Hey Cookie Fairy! I saved all your underwear.
Rare: (To Fifi) Well guess what? We're not going on, so all this bullshit is over!
Fifi: but i don't see any bulls around. so how can there be and poop? i think something is wrong with your brain.
Rare: No, there's something wrong with your brain. (Slaps Fifi and everyone notices)
Fifi: Yay! You love me again!
Rare: (Angry) No I don't! I never loved you!
Fifi: Love hurts and you hurt me a lot so you love me a lot. (hugs around Rare's waist)
Rare: (Pushes Fifi away) Get away from me!
Fifi: Everybody Dance Now! (the song plays as everyone dances again)
Man: Fifi Rocks!
Girl: I Love you Fifi!
Man: I'm getting a tattoo of her on my dick!
Rare: Oh well, at least Fifi's fans are mostly creepy.