|Fifi and the Wolf|
We're sitting on a Date!
|Written by||Alpha-Lonewolf, YoshiRocker13, and CookieEyes|
|Location||City at night|
|Other episodes by the author|
Dick Figures Show
Wolf is forced to go on a date with Fifi. How will he survive this?
Red: (takes a picture of Wolf and laughs) You’re going out with Fifi! IN A TUXEDO! (cracks up laughing) Glad Fox told you to wear that!
Wolf: Wait how did this get on me! (rips it apart) I'm going in my normal clothes!
Red: I put it on in your sleep! (laughs)
Wolf: I am going but that doesn't mean I have to be romantic.
Red: (as Wolf leaves) Have fun being romantic, bro! I'll keep this place under control! (dance party music starts)
Wolf: God hates me... but I guess I can't blame him.
(At Fifi's house Blue and Pink try to get Fifi ready)
Blue: How were you able to get a house in the first place?
Fifi: The governor man said he'd let me keep this house if I stay away from his.
Pink: I'm happy for you Fifi... sort of. (fixes Fifi's dress)
Fifi: Am I a toad now?
(While Wolf heads over to Fifi’s house)
Rapper: (greets Wolf) You must really hate doing his huh?
Wolf: (walks with a grudge) What fucking tipped you off?
(Bruce sits in one of the seats looking very pissed)
Wolf: (sees Bruce) What about him?
Rapper: He'll be dead if he tries to ruin something.
Bruce: (glares at Rapper) Fuckhead.
(Fifi's house, Pink struggles with Fifi to fix her hair)
Fifi: (Sings) I am a swan! I am a princess!
Pink: Stop Moving!
Blue: Let me try to get Kari here and calm Fifi. (calls phone)
(Kari wakes up in her bed.)
Kari: (answers the phone) (Japanese) Good evening…
Blue: (confused) Uh Kari?
Kari: Who is this?
Blue: It's Blue. We need you to come down and calm Fifi down.
Kari: What’s blue?
Blue: Rrgh, just come to Fifi's house.
Kari: (suddenly yells angrily) TELL ME WHAT IS BLUE AND I’LL PUT HIM ON, YOU MOTHERFUCKING CUNT FACE!
Blue: (yells back) I AM BLUE RETARD! NOW PUT YOUR BROTHER ON THE GOD DAMN PHONE!
Kari: Aww. You must be so sad. I’m sorry I yelled. I’ll go get him.
Blue: God damn it!
Kari: (can be heard on Blue’s phone) Otouto! There’s a stranger on my phone!
(Blue waits a moment.)
Katorou: (now on the other line) You better not be calling my sister for phone sex. Even Dylan knows she’s terrible at it.
Blue: It’s Blue!
Katorou: Whatever. What do you want?
Blue: I just need Kari over here to calm Fifi down as Pink gets her ready for her date.
Katorou: Alright. I’ll throw her there.
Blue: thank you. (hangs up)
(After a brief silence, there is a loud slam at the door.)
Pink: Hold still!
Blue: (opens the door) Hello?
(Kari is seen lying on the ground.)
Kari: (giggles) Katorou loves to throw me far away from him.
Blue: Whatever. Go calm Fifi down.
Kari: Okay. (walks inside)
Pink: Just talk to her Kari.
Fifi: I'm throwing a date at Wolfy.
Blue: Going on a date. (Blue corrected)
Kari: Who’s Wolfy?
Fifi: My Wolfy.
Kari: You have a Wolfy?
Fifi: So fluffy.
Fifi: And I'm eating a date with him tonight.
Blue: Going on a date! (Blue corrected again)
Kari: When are you going to eat with him?
Pink: (finishes with Fifi's hair) Done.
Fifi: He's coming...
(a knock on the door)
Wolf: Oh god damn it.
Rapper: This should be good.
(Fifi had her hair up in a swirly bun and an elegant purple glittering dress)
Wolf: Your work I guess pink?
Pink: You better appreciate it after all the work I went through.
Wolf: I don't think I can.
Blue: Why? cuz you’re speechless?
Wolf: No I just don't give a fuck.
Blue: (glares) You're a real asshole you know that?
Wolf: Really did you just figure that out? Then congratulations on your awareness for having the sight of a blind bat flying in the dark wearing ear muffs.
Blue: (angry) Shut up you dick!
Red: (whispers to Blue) He'll always be a bitch when in a mood like this.
Wolf: Says the one who was beaten both literally and in popularity by a green pansy
Red: (glares at Wolf) I hate you ya dick.
Wolf: Don't step on a landmine wuss.
Rapper: Well enjoy the date you two. Well not too much.
Blue: (whispers) I highly doubt Wolf will enjoy it... Plus Bruce over there will kill Wolf the chance he has.
Rapper: Didn't you see what happened before with Saigron!?
Blue: Oh yeah. Well if Bruce tries, he's dead.
Kari: Can I bring a friend too?
Fifi: Wolfy says the more the better.
Wolf: GOD DAMN IT!!!
Kari: Great! I'll go find her. (runs off)
Fifi: Let’s go! (pulls Wolf)
Wolf: Fuck it.
(Later at the movies Fifi was watching a movie about puppies while Wolf was playing a game on killing puppies on his phone with a dead guy behind him who tried to tell him to put away his phone)
Fifi: (holds Wolf's arm) isn't this romantic?
Wolf: Sure is (Wolf brutally kills a puppy on the game) So romantic indeed. heh heh heh.
(Kari comes in with Midnight Blaze. They are both wearing dresses.)
Midnight Blaze: (stares at her dress) Ugh! I look like a fucking doll!
Kari: I wonder where they are.
Midnight Blaze: So what's this friend like? She cute?
Kari: Absolutely! And just as smart as me! She taught me lots of things, like how fish swim in the air and birds fly in the ocean.
Midnight Blaze: (laughs anxiously) That's...nice?
(Wolf and Fifi soon come out of the theater)
(Spark flying sees Midnight Blaze in her and blushes even. more) Spark: Wow.
Kari: (sees Fifi and Wolf) and gasps) There they are!
Wolf: (Sees Kari and Midnight Blaze) oh great, there they are.
Kari: Hi Fifi-chan! (waves while gripping Midnight's hand)
Fifi: Hi Kari fan! (hops in Wolf's arms while he gives a frustrated look)
Midnight Blaze: (whispers) Boy; her date really doesn't want to be here...
Wolf: (Able to hear her) Well looks like someone else is quick to notice things
Spark: (comes in) Hey Blaze!
(Midnight Blaze hears Spark and becomes shocked.)
Midnight Blaze: (to Wolf shaking) Th-...Thanks. I...appreciate it...
Spark: (Sees her dress and blushes even more) Uuuuuugh....
Fifi: Isn't he the bestest?
Kari: He looks pretty dangerous.
Midnight Blaze: You...think?
Wolf: Well I’m glad I still give a scent of danger to people.
Fifi: Let’s go eat!
Midnight Blaze: (sighs and speaks to either Wolf or Fifi) Whatever makes you happy...
Fifi: Yay! Meal time!
(Later at a bakery, Wolf hand a sandwich of raw bloody meat while Fifi had a mountain stacked cookies)
Midnight Blaze: (eating bread) Sooo...your friend is pretty fun.
Kari: You really think so?
Midnight Blaze: (laughs) Sure. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. Unless they're Katorou or Rei of course.
Wolf: Just wait till you are alone with this idio... girl.
Midnight Blaze: I'll live. I'm used to many idiots.
Fifi: Everyone throws me gifts when I leave them.
Wolf: Like rocks and bullets?
Fifi: They were pretty rocks.
Wolf: How about one day you take this girl for a ride and off my shoulders.
Kari: Wow. (eats her éclair) I hope one day someone gives me a pretty rock when I leave them.
Midnight Blaze: I'll be cool with that, (looks at Kari) as long as I get to baby-sit her too.
Wolf: Sure. Kari will probably help keep your sanity.
Midnight Blaze: Exactly.
Fifi: (taps her cup with a fork) kissing time! (puckers up to Wolf until he pushes her face away)
Wolf: This isn't a wedding genius!
Midnight Blaze: Careful. You could give her ideas.
Wolf: We already passed that part and it won't happen again if she doesn't want me to break my end of the deal.
Midnight Blaze: Very well then. (sips her coffee)
Fifi: Hey Kari is this your Taco too? (points at Midnight Blaze)
Kari: No. That's my date.
Midnight Blaze: I think that's what she meant, Kari.
Fifi: Do you kiss her?
Kari: Not yet.
(Midnight Blaze nervously laughs)
Wolf: If you are trying to bring up that I am to kiss you Fifi, then the answer is no.
Fifi: Then I'll kiss her!
Wolf: Wait what?
(Midnight Blaze is again shocked as Fifi kisses Midnight Blaze)
Wolf: Oh God! Stop it Fifi!
(Kari stares at them, and falls to the ground crying. Wolf puts Fifi back in her seat)
Spark: (Sees them kisses and becomes shocked) WHAT THE HELL!?
Wolf: Don't worry you two she didn't mean anything by it. She's just an idiot.
(Midnight Blaze is shocked and worried as hell.)
Fifi: Yay! I'm an idiot again!
(Wolf tries to control himself and shows it)
Spark: (Got shocked and stunned)......
(Midnight Blaze picks Kari back up in her seat, then hides her face in embarrassment.)
Wolf: You see what I'm saying now about Fifi Midnight?
(Fifi tries to put a cookie in her nose)
Kari: (sobbing and speaks to Fifi) I-I-I-I th-thought we were... (tries to breathe) ...I thought we were friends.
Fifi: What? What did I do? You can kiss Wolf if you...
Fifi: That's not fair
Wolf: Life isn't fair. If you could understand you would know that too.
Fifi: Sorry Kari.
Spark: (twitches) Crap.
(Kari doesn't listen and continues crying.)
Midnight Blaze: (full of determination) Alright! That's it!
(Midnight Blaze suddenly grabs Kari by the shoulders and kisses her on the lips. Fifi tries to copy them and kiss Wolf until he pushes her away)
Midnight Blaze: (sighs in relief) ...I'm glad to get that outta my system.
Wolf: So now you two are official?
Midnight Blaze: Probably. The bitch witch did say something about us being canon near the end of (makes quotation gesture) "her second fanfic season". Whatever the fuck she meant with that.
Spark: (Sees then kiss them becomes more shocked and stunned).......
(Kari stops crying and tightly hugs Midnight.)
Midnight Blaze: Someday, I am going to be so fucked...
Spark: (heartbroken) Oh god...
Fifi: Yay! I love happy endings!
Wolf: Me too but they usually end in blood and gore.
Kari: Yey! I love them too.
(Kari and Midnight Blaze leave with Wolf and Fifi still at the table)
Wolf: Are you done eating yet?
Fifi: (Swallows the pile of cookies in one gulp) Yes!
Wolf: Why do I even bother.
Fifi: Let's go to the park!
Wolf: How about I take you home? Now.
Fifi: (Feeling sad) Aww.
Bruce: Hold it Wolf! I'll take this.
Wolf: (Pulls a gatling gun in Bruce's face) That depends what you want so I don't turn your head into swiss cheese!
Bruce: Relax blockhead! Fifi said she doesn't want to go home so I'll take her somewhere fun.
Fifi: YAY! Can Wolf come too?
Fifi: But I want Wolfy to come. We're standing on a date.
Wolf: uh, it going on a date genius. But if you want to go with Bruce then by all means.
Bruce: (face palms) Damn it.
(Rapper watches through a window)
Rapper: I would kill him but this is too good to be true.
Fifi: But Wolfy...
Wolf: I'll be right here I promise.
Wolf: Would I lie too you?
Fifi: Okay. Let's go Truce.
Bruce: It's Bruce! (they walk off)
Wolf: (begins to walk off) Sucker.
(Rapper then jumps in holding two guns)
Rapper: Yo Wolf! They've got more robots made at Cybertime Systems.
Wolf: Hey, I'm going home. I just ditched a date with a moron and the best part is she thinks I'm actually going to wait here for her.
Rapper: Best way to leave an complete buffoon behind. (jumps out)
(after a while of spending time with Bruce)
Fifi: Can I go see Wolfy now?
Bruce: (sighs) Fine. Go check at the restaurant.
Fifi: Yay! (Goes to the restaurant to see Wolf not there) Wolfy? Wolfy? (Sees no trace of Wolf and begins to panic and tear up) Wolfy!?
Bruce: (continues laughing) He's probably left her.
Fifi: (Curls up in a ball and cries) Wolfy.
Wolf: (sitting on his comfy chair watching a war movie) This is the life.
(Wolf continues watching, not noticing Red partying in the background)
Fox: (Comes home and is outraged with Red) RED!!!
Red: EPIC DRUNK PARTY MONTAGE!!!
Fox: (Able to literally beat everyone out of the cottage) If you aren't out of her in one second Red, I'll make you into a girl on her period!
Red: Fine, but you owe be a boob show!
Fox: (Shakes the ground) NOW!!!
Red: (freaks out) Alright, alright, alright! Jeez! I hate her bad side! (leaves)
(Fox then sees Wolf)
Fox: Done with your date?
Wolf: You can say that. heh heh heh.
Fox: You ditched her didn't you?
Wolf: You bet i did.
Fox: This is a new low for you Wolf.
Wolf: Good to know that i keep impressing.
Fox: (sighs) I didn't want to do this but...
(places a plate of cookies on Wolf)
Wolf: what the...
Fox: WOLFY HAS COOKIES!
(Fifi then crashes through the wall with Bruce holding onto her)
Bruce: STOP PULLING ME!
Fifi: Wolfy! I knew you just got lost!
(Rapper laughs in the background)
(Fifi forces a kiss on Wolf)
Wolf: (spits out after the kiss) GOD DAMN IT!!! I HATE YOU!!!
Fifi: I LOVE YOU!!!
COMMENT YOUR POLL VOTE
- 1/5 Unicorn Barf!
- 2/5 It was like Meh.
- 3/5 I guess it was... pretty good.
- 4/5 This is like crazy right?
- 5/5 CUZ I'M AWESOME