| Gasping for Air | |
|---|---|
| Written by | Fiske Cahill |
| Other episodes by the author | |
Death Wish |
Coming Soon1 |
Transcript[]
Note: Text in Italian is spoken by a pre-recorded message over the intercom around the location
(Typing-like animation: "Location: Museum")
Red: Dude, why the hell are we here?
Blue: Can't you just enjoy history or old and important artifacts.
Red: F*** No! (Starts Shouting) Get me out here this man (points at Blue) is trying to bore me to death!
Blue: Alright you can go around but stay in the museum you're my ride home and I have no cash.
Red: FREEDOM! (runs around wildly until he hits a fire alarm) (Alarm goes off)
Congratulations, you have just pushed the fire alarm button. Due to recent budget cuts of the city's fire department, we the museum, in order to save the artifacts must go on LOCK-DOWN (all doors in the museum closes and locks) where all oxygen will be sucked out in order to kill the fire, Have good day!
Oxygen Level: 30%
Blue: Dude, what did you do?!
Red: I might of sorta kinda pressed the button.
Blue: You what?!
Oxygen Level: 29%
Blue: You're gonna get the two of us killed you asshole!
Red: You don't need oxygen to live, whatever the hell that is.
Oxygen Level: 28%
Blue: Dude, its the air you breathe to keep us fucking alive!
We need to get out of here!
Red: Don't worry I'll find us a way outta here.
(2 Minutes Later)
Red: Yeah I can't find a way out.
Blue: We're gonna die.
Oxygen Level: 27%
Blue: Hey look there's a guard let's ask him what to do, Red get his attention!
Red: Okay, (Gets a knife) Hey guard dude!
Guard: Wha- (Red throws the knife at his chest and he dies)
Blue: I said get his attention not kill the guy.
Oxygen Level: 26%
Blue: There must be a way to get out of here!
Red: Hey I found a map! (Points at The Map from Dora)
Red: Oh wait I meant that map. (Points at a wall with a map of the museum)
Oxygen Level: 25%
Blue: There must
be a fire exit or something
(Sees a part of a map that says: Button that can be pressed to stop the fire system in case an idiot happened to hit the button)
Blue: Well that's oddly specific?
But it's our only chance, let's see we're here and...... It's at the other side, of course
Oxygen Level: 24%
(Both Running) Red: Hurry up and stop runnin' like a pussy!
Blue: I can't I haven't been working out lately
Red: But your right hand seems very muscular.
Blue: Shut Up!
Oxygen Level: 23%
Red: (sees a passed-out girl) Ooooh...
Blue: Dude, come on
Red: Wait, I just have to nail this chick......ASLEEP STYLE
(Censored Sex Montage)
Oxygen Level: 22%
Blue: Dude, let's go!
Red: Okay!
(Both Running again) Red:(sings) Runnin, runnin, runnin, runnin, runnin.....
Blue: Shut the fuck up!
Oxygen Level: 21%
Due to small amount of oxygen, oxygen is hard to suck out now so please expect slow oxygen depletion and a slow and painful death. Have a nice day!
Blue: Alright, that's good and bad. Good cause it's slower bad because I'm now having trouble breathing (coughs twice). We need to get (cough) there faster, but how (cough)?
Oxygen Level: 20%
Red: Hey look what I found! (Comes in with roller skates)
Blue: Where did you get that and (cough) why is it so bloody?
Red: Um....the souvenir shop.
(flashback to when Red kills two children near the souvenir shop)
Oxygen Level: 19%
Blue: We better hurry up or we're (cough) fucked!
Red: Let's do this! (cough) Oh Shit.....
Oxygen Level: 18%
Red: Oh my god dude (cough), for the first time of my life (cough)I'm actually scared.
Blue: Shut up (cough)and hurry up
Blue: There it (cough) is (Zooms in to see button and a choir says Alleluia, then abruptly zooms out to see that its surrounded by dead bodies)
Blue: Ah (cough)shit.
Oxygen Level: 17%
Red: I'll ninja my may (cough) through this shit
Blue: I'll (cough) parkour my way through this shit
(Both are about half way through and next to eachother)
Oxygen Level: 16%
Blue:(slows down and starts to collapse) Dude, help me!
Red: Okay.
(Red goes to carry Blue and everything goe slo-mo when Red is carrying Blue to the button but Red is also slowly collapsing)
Oxygen Level: 15%
Oxygen Level: 14%
Oxygen Level: 13%
Red: Must, hit, red, squishy, button!
Oxygen Level: 12%
(Red finally collapses mere inches from the button but Blue's head hits the button since Red was carrying him)
Oxygen Depletion Process Canceled'.
Oxygen Level: 16%...17%...18%...19%...20%...21%...22%...23%
Blue (woke up): Huh, what happened? Am I in heaven? (sees Red) Am I in hell?
Red (wakes up): WE'RE ALIVE! Thanks to my awesomeness and sexyness
Blue: Yup, I'm in hell.
THE END
Author[]
References[]
