|Location||Ball Busters, Highway, and the Hospital|
|Other episodes by the author|
Another Day, Another Flame War
With Thomas late for work, due to the traffic jam on the freeway, Simon and Emma join the party, while back at work, Alice sends Simon an email that could get her fired.
- Adult Content
- Adult Language
On a Thursday
(Opens with Thomas in his Sedan, with the opening to Decisions being played on the car radio, and he appears to be in a traffic jam)
Thomas: Shit, I hope Simon doesn't get pissed at me for being late.
(Thomas then sees Simon and Emma walking up the freeway, looking drunk)
Thomas: What the hell, is that Simon?
(Simon knocks on the passenger window)
Simon: Hey, Thomas, can you believe this traffic?
Thomas: Yeah, why are you stuck in traffic too?
Simon: Wait, no I was at some bar with Emma and we saw this on the freeway and decided to see what was going on.
Thomas: Do you know what's causing all this?
Simon: Well, I forgot as I was making my way up here with Emma.
(Emma then opens the right door to the backseat and enters)
Emma: Hey Thomas, guess what?
Emma: I wanna eat a dinosaur.
Simon: She just smoked her first hit of crack today.
Thomas: No shit, So where are you two going?
Simon: Well, since you're going to work, we might as well ride along with you.
(Simon gets in the other backseat door)
Thomas: (Sarcastically) Gee, this will be fun.
Simon: Just so you know, I've had a couple beers, so you might have to take me home as well.
(Thomas grows frustrated, as it then cuts to Alice at Ball Busters on her laptop at the bar)
Alice: Hey Michael!
(Michael approaches Alice)
Alice: I want to send Simon an email about the upcoming Rodeo party, and that I disagree that all the women should be topless at all times.
Michael: Well, that's tough considering how much Simon loves his topless women, how do you wanna say it?
Alice: Like this "Dear Simon, I think it's a horrible and quite frankly sexist, idea to force all the women to go topless for this weekend's Rodeo party. I find it very degrading and it makes you look like a scumbag."
Michael: Okay, let me do my magic.
(Michael takes the computer from Alice and begins typing, it then cuts back to Simon, Thomas, and Emma in Thomas's sedan and the chorus to the song Decisions is playing on the radio)
Simon: What is this shit, it sounds like a coping machine on repeat.
Thomas: It's dubstep music, we play it all the time at Ball Busters.
Simon: Well, most of the time I'm too drunk to care, so if you wouldn't mind please turn off your radio.
Emma: (Eyes are red and has a demonic voice) PLEASE!!!! I'M IN SUCH A MOOD TO EAT MEAT!!
Thomas: Alright fine!
(Thomas turns off the radio)
Simon: Hey, you know what we could do to pass up the time?
Simon: Piss off other drivers.
Thomas: No way!
(Simon moves up to the passenger seat)
Simon: Thomas, I want you to honk on your horn to the car in front of you.
Simon: Because this slow ass is part of the reason why we're both late for work.
Thomas: No, you're out of your mind.
(Simon honks the horn to the car a couple of times)
Thomas: Stop fucking around.
(Cuts to Ball Busters where Michael gives Alice her computer back)
Michael: Here you go, it's a perfect explanation on the party.
(Alice takes the computer)
Alice: (Reads the email) "Dear Simon, I think it's a horrible and quite frankly sex…" very funny, this is exactly what I put.
(Alice accidentally hits the enter key on her laptop, mistaking it for delete)
Alice: Oh shit, Michael I think I sent out the email.
Michael: What, how?
Alice: I accidentally hit enter and thought it was delete.
Michael: Why would you do something stupid like that?
Alice: (Angrily) You really think it's the best time to answer that question, we have to get rid of the email.
Michael: You can't, it's already sent out to his email.
Alice: Thank you for pointing that out! Do you know his password to his email address?
Michael: In all the years I've known Simon, he's never given me his email address and password.
Alice: Great, I'm screwed, he'll look at it, call me a bitch and fire me.
(Cuts to Simon, Thomas, and Emma in Thomas's sedan, and Simon keeps honking the horn on the sedan)
Man in the Next car: Stop fucking honking!!
Simon: Yeah, well maybe this traffic would move quicker if you payed attention to the fucking road.
(Suddenly the driver of the car in front gets out and it's none other than Wolf)
Thomas: (In a state of shock) Oh fuck, you really screwed up now.
(As Wolf is walking to the sedan in slow motion, the chorus to Animal I Have Become is heard playing in the background)
Wolf: Are you the dickhead who keeps honking with this horn?
Simon: Who wants to know?
(Wolf grabs Simon and throws him out of Thomas's sedan and onto the ground)
Simon: Alright asshole, let's fight.
Thomas: Simon, I don't think he wants to be fucked with right now.
Simon: Relax, I'll just teach him a little lesson about manners! (Runs towards wolf with a punch, then suddenly gets his arm twisted by Wolf)
Wolf: So what were you saying about manners?
Simon: That you should shit on what they say, instead of say what shit they're talking about.
(Wolf proceeds to punch Simon several times, where his glasses fall off and his eyes are extremely bruised with blood leaking out of his eyes)
Wolf: You don't wanna see me in primal rage mode.
(Wolf goes back in his car, and Simon struggles to get back in Thomas's sedan)
Thomas: (To Simon) I told you.
Simon: Shut up, this is nothing, I'll be fine. (Falls to the ground as he attempts to open the left back seat car door)
(As Simon gets up, the left back car seat door hits him in the face when Emma helps him back in the sedan)
Thomas: The good news is that because of your stupid decision to mess with Wolf, the traffic is starting to actually move so we should be out of here soon.
Emma: Should I take you to a hospital?
Simon: No way, I don't have insurance and no money on me. Let's just drive to work.
(Cuts to Molly looking through some papers in Simon's office, and Alice enters)
Alice: Molly, do you know Simon's password to his email?
Molly: Why is it an emergency?
Alice: (Closes the door) Super, I sent Simon an email on how I don't want the rodeo party to force women to go topless.
Molly: Wow, if you sent that to Simon, he'll think it's stupid.
Alice: I know.
Molly: Yeah, but it's Simon, he'll probably think it's a dumb email from an anonymous customer and just delete it.
Molly: Of course, remember when I emailed him about how we should have better bar stools, well he just laughed and deleted it.
Alice: Alright, I shouldn't worry.
(Alice begins to leave the office still worried)
Molly: You're still suspicious about the email aren't you?
Alice: Very much.
Molly: Sorry Alice, but Simon never gives out the password to his email.
Molly: He's one of those freaks who thinks the government is watching his every move.
(Cuts to Thomas and Emma helping Simon get inside Ball Busters)
Michael: (To Simon) Holy Shit, what happened to your face?
Simon: A car door hit me. (Gives Emma a dirty look at Emma)
Thomas: Come on, let's sit you down and get you some ice for your eyes.
Simon: Hold on, let me check my email, I'll just use Alice's computer.
Thomas: Simon, you can't see, how are you suppose to type in your email and password.
(Simon proceeds to type in his email and password perfectly)
Thomas: (Whispers to Emma) Wow, he can do almost anything when he's about to go blind.
(Alice approaches Simon)
Alice: Simon are you on your email?
Simon: Yep, I'm just about to check my inbox.
Alice: (Mumbles to herself) I'm so fucked.
(Simon just stops in a frozen trance)
Alice: Simon what's wrong?
Simon: I don't know, I can't see.
Alice: (Happy) Really?
Simon: Yeah, listen Alice, could you do me a favor and check my email, but also read aloud my latest emails as well?
Alice: Sure thing.
(Alice looks at the first new email)
Alice: You got an email from a website called dirtycocksuckers.com.
Simon: (Surprised) Delete, I should've put that in my private section.
Alice: (Lying) And the last email is just an ad for toner.
Simon: Alright just delete it.
(Alice deletes her email to Simon)
Alice: Well, that's all you're emails.
Simon: (Proceeds to get up) Ok, Well I'm gonna… (Falls to the ground on his face)
Simon: (Muffled on the ground) Fuck it, take me to the hospital.
(After credits scene)
(Michael approaches Alice outside of the hospital)
Michael: You do know, that the party is still gonna be that girls are forced to be topless.
Alice: Anything to not get me fired.
Michael: That also means that you're gonna have to go topless as well.
(Alice has a shocked look on her face)
Alice: Ah fuc...
Created by: AndrewBrauer
Written by: AndrewBrauer
-Lightshow Episode 4-
- This is the first time we see that Alice gets worried over something she did.
- Simon apparently goes to a fake website called dirtycockersuckers.com
- When Emma mentions that she wants to eat a Dinosaur, it could be referenced to the episode Steakosaurus, where Red says it as the opening line.