My name is BLARG!!!
|Other episodes by the author|
Epic Dating Fail
A new face comes to town, but this face has a hidden one that will not only give you a whoop, but Shoop Da Whoop.
(A man walks through the city looking down avoiding contact from everyone)
Man: (Thinking) Well, here goes another day going alone in town to buy food… alone. Hope I don’t kill people as much this time.
Mr. Dingleberry: Hey there youngster, can you tell me the time?
Man: Oh, ok... it’s a quarter to… BLARG!!! (Obliterates Mr. Dingleberry with a devastating laser from his mouth and leaving his feet still standing) damn it. (walks off)
(In the food store)
Man: Ugh, I don’t know which milk to buy. (sees Pink) Excuse me miss which would you choose for milk?
Pink: (looks at each milk carton and chooses while holding it out) I think this one.
Man: BLARG!!! (Disintegrates the milk) Uh thanks. (awkwardly walks away leaving Pink frozen in shock)
(later is at a store of mirrors)
Store Clerk: (brings up a mirror for the man) Is this what you wanted sir?
Man: Yes and can I have it with a… BLARG!!!
(the clerk is incinerated)
Man: Well, I left another job opening again.
(Heads into a subway)
Man: This time nothing can ruin this. (goes down into the subway) BLARG (the laser shoots out the entrance and shows the man come out again) Great, they need to install another train.
(The man walks down a trail through the forest to his cave home)
Man: Well another day ruined.
(Soon he was on the ground with a chainsaw close to his face)
Wolf: There is a fee to those who trespass in my forest punk!
Man: (Panics) Sorry! I didn’t know!
Wolf: Who are you!?
Man: Whoop! My name is Whoop!
Wolf: Why is your name Whoop?
(Whoop tried to keep his mouth closed)
Wolf: tell me or I will turn your face into spaghetti.
Whoop: (He couldn’t hold it much longer) oh shit (shot out a big laser through the woods) BLARG!!!
(the laser killed an entire family of rabbits)
Whoop: Sorry about that. (wolf stared at the damaged woods in shock) I didn’t mean to! I can’t control it! It just comes out ran… BLARG!!! (shoots a plane out of the sky) Uh, random. (Wolf looks back at Whoop) I’m sorry for my curse.
Wolf: Curse? Sorry!? (Whoop closed his eyes in fear) That is a god damn blessing you have and it is awesome!
Whoop: (Surprised at what he heard) What?
Wolf: Dude, you can cause havoc with that breath of yours can’t you?
Whoop: Hey! I brush my teeth.
Wolf: No I meant your laser breath.
Whoop: Oh. Well yeah I could.
Wolf: (throws the chainsaw away and into a deer as it screams in pain before dying) I’m Wolf and I am going to be your new best friend.
Whoop: Really? Aren’t you afraid of being blasted?
Wolf: I’ve faced worse.
Whoop: Like what?
(Ninjas Randomly appear out of nowhere and surrounds them)
Wolf: like that.
Ninja: Insolent fool! We have you surrounded. Now prepare to die.
Whoop: (Afraid) What are we going to do?
Wolf: I’m going to do this.
(Whacks Whoop on the head and has him start shooting his laser continuously as wolf tries to hold him like a huge laser gun. The laser blasts down everything in it‘s path. People in the city sees a giant laser shooting in different direction from the forest into the sky. After the ninjas are dead Wolf whacks Whoop on the head again to shut off the laser)
Whoop: (A bit dizzy) how-how did you do that?
Wolf: I used the old busted bust-it trick.
Wolf: When something is busted, you bust it over the top to get it to work.
Whoop: You did this before?
Wolf: Many times. So want to be friends from now on?
(Whoop sees a ninja coming behind Wolf. Wolf see the look in his eyes and tries to duck and pull a gun out, but Whoops random laser gets the ninja first)
Wolf: You know I would get pissed when someone takes my kill but that was awesome, so you’re ok.
Whoop: Sorry, It just came out.
Wolf: That’s what she said.
Whoop: (mad and sarcastic) I can see you are going to be a real good friend.
Wolf: I always am.
(back at the food store, the store manager walks out of his office to see the store with blast marks)
Store manager: What the fuck happened to my store!
COMMENT YOUR POLL VOTE
- 1/5 Unicorn Barf!
- 2/5 It was like Meh.
- 3/5 I guess it was... pretty good.
- 4/5 This is like crazy right?
- 5/5 CUZ I'M AWESOME