How Dick Figures The Movie Should Have Ended
How DFTM Should Have Ended
The inexperienced moments
Air date 16-01-2014
Written by Alpha-Lonewolf, YoshiRocker13
Directed by Alpha-Lonewolf
Other episodes by the author

Wee Lass and Blink

Dick Figures Show 3



Dick Figures The Movie was a pretty awesome movie, but what if it was a kind of movie we expected in a different way?


(shows the title DFTM)

Narrator: How Dick Figures The Movie...

(shows the rest of the title)

Narrator: ...Should have ended

Blue: I promise I will always be your friend.

(At the last minute Blue pulls away from the high five)

Blue: Wait I change my mind.

Red: What? Why?

Blue: Judging by your personality you seem the kind of person who would take my friendship to your advantage so you can act like a total ass and neglect it any chance you get.

Red: Wha... uh why would i do something like that?

Blue: Maybe because you think you are better than me.

Red: but we can be good friends.

Blue: Some friend you'd be. I bet if i got a girlfriend that you would give me poor advice to get a great gift for her then force me into a quest that would put me in danger. not only that, you would then tell me something to make me hate you and end the friendship and somehow get us stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere.The you would abandon me to do the rest myself and show up at the last minute before a monster comes to kill us and then you have different thought about how i should die.

Red: Pfft, Like that is ever going to happen.

Blue: Well just to be safe, I'm going to be best friends with Lord Tourettes. (walks off)

(then shows Red eating all the expired food from the fridge)

Blue: Uhh dude, your eating food that's expired...

Red: Why Not? I'll be fine.

(later shows red in critical condition at the hospital)

Blue: Nice going you idiot.

(Next scene)

Blue: Well, who even knows where it still is?

Raccoon: You must-a find the man who considers me his greatest enemy. (zooms on Raccoon) My son, Son-san!

(Blue picks up the map & looks at the Ninja Sushi restaurant in Japan. He places the map down)

Blue: Nope, you're weird. I'm just gonna go buy her some flowers. (walks off-screen)

Red: Hey! You know you are just going to prove yourself a pussy if you leave.

Blue: And why should I go on this dumb quest that would possibly get myself killed when I can rather go buy Pink a birthday present?

Raccoon: it wirr be-a the greatest gift a woman courd ask for.

Blue: Pfft, I don't even know what the gift is.

Red: Fine, I'll go on this quest alone then.

Blue: Okay see ya Red. (Leaves)

(shows Red with a "Forever Alone Face")

(Next Scene)

(shows Red and Blue flowing out to sea on the boat)

Blue: (Suddenly realizes) Wait, why didn't we try paddling with our hands away from the main current?

Red: Your seriously going to make me do something tiring like paddling with my hands?

Blue: Fuck you. (jumps out of the boat and swims away from the current and back to shore)

(shows Red doing the "Forever Alone Face" again)

(Next Scene)

(In the plane after the rescue)

Crooky: I think my sight is returning as we speak.

Blue: What do we do man?

Red: I got just the thing.

(Shows them throw Crooky out of the plane)

Blue: (Flies the plane) Huh, actually this isn't so hard to fly. Good thinking for once Red.

(Next Scene)

(Red, Blue and Lord Tourettes hiding behind a table)

Blue: Great! Now the French Police are trying to kill us too!

Red: wait I got an idea.

(Red goes up to the cops)

Cop: Freeze! Who are you!

Red: S'alright bro! (puts police hat on) We're Cops!

Cop: (puts down his gun) It's alright, they are cops

Chad-Gendarmerie: Men, put your guns down. They are Cops.

Red: Yeah! We're cops!

(They start to have a party)

Blue: What the hell!?

Red: Would you rather be chased by them?

Blue: Ah, good point.

(Next Scene)

(Lord Tourettes, Red, and Blue jump out of the helicopter before it falls and crashes)

Blue: Uh why didn't we just use the copter to hover above the tower to get the second piece and leave?

Red: Oh yeah good point...

(Next Scene)

(Blue is climbing the mountain by himself)

Lord Takagami: I have you now blue one!

Blue: (annoyed) Really? (pulls a pistol out and shoots Lord Takagami 10 times)

(Lord Takagami falls back in the cavern and into the lava)

Blue: Wow, that was too fucking easy. (continues climbing the mountain)

(Next Scene)

(Shows Raccoon and Lord Takagami about to fight)

Raccoon: Fuck this. (Shoots Lord Takagami)

Lord Takagami: Oh, not again.

(Lord Takagami falls into the lava pit)

Raccoon: Why did I waste arr those years training with a sword?

(Next Scene)

(Raccoon stands over Ocho Muerte)

Ocho Muerte: You can not destroy the Takagami!

(Shows, Raccoon, Red, Blue, Pink, and Stacy stand at the edge with missile launchers)

Ocho Muerte: Oh shit why does this keep happening?

(they all shoot their missiles at Ocho Muerte, blowing him up)

Blue: Wait won't he just grow back together?

Raccoon: No way, we are right next to the sushi bar.

(Shows Asians come out eating the pieces of Ocho Muerte)

(Next Scene)

(After Pink gets her gift and kisses Blue)

Pink: You know Blue all I really wanted was for you to be here. You didn't need to go through all this trouble.

Blue: (slightly annoyed) Are you serious?

(Then show Blue, Rapper, and Wolf at a cafe)

Wolf: Whoa really? She said that?

Rapper: That must hurt bro.

Blue: I know! After going through so much trouble!

Wolf: You know what I would have done? I would have just robbed a museum to get Pink a real treasure while replacing the real one with a fake at the museum.

Blue: I'm sure you would. I can't believe I never thought of that!

Rapper: Well it's over now dude.

(A miniture version of Ocho Muerte jumps onto their table)

Ocho Muerte: (Chipmunk voice) I have returned for my revenge!

(Rapper immediately cuts Ocho Muerte with a large knife)

Blue: Wow, It's like this octopus is too lazy to try.

Wolf: Well it's a good thing we won't go through a movie like that again right?

(the DFFU title appears in front of them)

Blue: Oh great!

Wolf: Fuck!

Rapper: (not paying attention) Wait what?

Wolf: Well at least it's just... (Shows the title of World War D) SON OF A BI...


(After credits)

Red: (wearing his batman suit) We should do this stuff more often, but add more parts of me to make it more awesome.

Wolf: And why would that make it more aweso... Oh wait don't say it!

Red: Because I'm Batman!

(HISHE Batman is right next to Red)

Batman: Hey, hey, hey. That's my line.


  • 1/5 Unicorn Barf!
  • 2/5 It was like Meh.
  • 3/5 I guess it was... pretty good.
  • 4/5 This is like crazy right?

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