I Am The Man
I Am The Man
Got it!?
Air date 6-1-14
Written by AndrewBrauer
Directed by AndrewBrauer
Set in Present
Location Ballbusters and Alice's apartment
Other episodes by the author

Meet Hannah

Dancing On my Own

 Emma learns the truth behind Chad Cop and Sarah Connors, Simon takes a big step in his relationship with Sarah, Alice gets some news about her book.

Rating: TV-MA

  • Mild Violence
  • Brief Nudity
  • Adult Content
  • Adult Language



11:00 PM

On a Friday

(Opens with Emma walking into Alice's apartment)

Emma: Alice, you won't believe what's going on with… (Notices Alice and Thomas sitting on the couch looking at Emma)

Thomas: I think we know more than you do.

Emma: More of what?

Alice: Sit Emma. (Emma goes to sit in the middle of the couch)

Emma: So what really is going on?

Thomas: Well, Alice should explain.

(Emma turns to Alice)

Alice: Remember how everyone thought I was crazy because Simon was with Sarah Connors?

Emma: (Nods head) Yeah.

Alice: It's not so crazy now because, Sarah and Chad Cop are pretty much the same person.

Emma: Wait, what?

Alice: Chad Cop can transform into Sarah, like how she can then turn back into him.

Emma: (Shocked) Oh my god! You mean I could've been having sex with a woman?

Thomas: (Curious) Did you?

Emma: No. I was going to, but then I found out about this.

Alice: So what do we do now?

Thomas: We could just tell everyone.

Alice: Well Molly won't believe me since she's too busy with Veronica, Simon would just think he's drunk, but then there's Michael.

Emma: We should find a way to tell him.

Thomas: Why don't we tell everyone now so that it's out in the open.

Alice: They still wouldn't believe us, I mean come on. A love obsessed woman, a crack addict, and a man who's stalking his crush, they'll think we're crazy.

Emma: Maybe we can find a way to get Michael to know, but how.

(They all have a thinking expression for a couple of seconds)

Emma: I got it!

Alice: What Em?

Emma: Maybe we can convince him to spend some time with Sarah, and we'll say because his best friend Simon thinks that it should be necessary.

Thomas: I think we should just tell them.

Alice: No I agree, I mean if I had a new boyfriend I would want you guys to spend some time with him, this could work.

Emma: Of course. Now just let me take care of it, and you two just stay out of my way.

Alice: I really have to, since I'm their next target.

Emma: Wait, what?

Alice: I'll explain later, just take care of all that.

(Emma gets up and leaves, it then cuts to Simon and Sarah Connors in bed after having sex)

Simon: That was fun!

Sarah Connors: For sure.

Simon: But I kinda of want to talk to you.

Sarah Connors: Okay. (Turns to see Simon in bed)

Simon: We've been seeing each other for about a month now, and I don't know much about you, like where you came from, or where you actually work?

Sarah Connors: Well, I thought you wanted to have sex?

Simon: I do. But since I've been with you, I kinda if want to see what actually being in a relationship is like, you know, because I hear it's so horrible.

Sarah Connors: (Giggles) So what do you want to do with me? (Pulls off the blanket and reveals her breasts)

Simon: (Touches Sarah's breasts for a couple seconds) You want to move in with me?

Sarah Connors: (Surprised) Really, you think about that?

Simon: Uh, well look at it like this, if we move in, then we can do more of that god fucking we like.

(Sarah Connors thinks for a couple seconds)

Sarah Connors: (In her head) This could help break the suspicions about Emma. (To Simon) Okay, I'll move in.

Simon: Great! Well then make yourself at home. (They both get up and put on their clothes)

Sarah Connors: And by good fucking…

Simon: …sex, that's what I meant.

Sarah Connors: Just checking. (Kisses Simon as it cuts to Michael looking on his record shelf the next day at Ball Busters)

Michael: I need something good.

(Emma approaches Michael)

Emma: Hey Mike, whatcha up to?

Michael: Picking out tonight's songs, I don't know whether to play Afrojack or Zedd.

Emma: (Interrupts) So Michael, what do you think of Sarah, Simon's girlfriend?

Michael: Sarah Connors? I don't know, she seems alright.

Emma: Well if you really want to know her more, why don't you hang out with her, do something together like go bowling or something.

Michael: Oh, well do you think Simon would be okay with it.

Emma: (Thinks for a second) Most likely yes.

Michael: (Thinks for a few seconds) Okay, I'll see if she's available tonight.

Emma: (Smiles) Great. (Walks off and sees Molly and Veronica kissing at the bar)

Molly: (To Emma) Em, what's going on?

Emma: Oh nothing, but I see that you two seem very happy.

Veronica: Why wouldn't we, we're young and in love, it's just right. (Kisses Molly's cheek)

Emma: Well I got a question.

Molly & Veronica: Sure.

Emma: Since it's two girls in the relationship, who would be the tough one out of the two.

(Molly and Veronica stare at each other for a few seconds)

Molly: Well…

Veronica: (Interrupts) …that would be me.

Molly: (Slightly angry) Wait, you would be the man of the relationship

Veronica: Well yeah, I Am the man of this relationship.

Molly: How?

Veronica: I had to learn what a man is like from my two idiot brothers, and I do work out.

Molly: Ronnie, I don't think yoga and stretching your body can be considered working out.

Veronica: Then what about you?

Molly: I've killed people before, and I can be aggressive underneath this cute face.

Veronica: (Giggles) Yeah right.

Molly: Okay then, well… (Puts her hand on the bar counter and notices it greasy and messy) Yuck! This place is a mess.

Emma: (To Molly) Don't you guys have janitors.

Molly: We have those mexican janitors that come in during the morning, but most recently they have been taking more breaks then they should have.

Emma: How many?

Molly: Like five.

Veronica: (To Molly) Oh, so that proves one thing about you, it's that you can be easily manipulated.

Molly: (Slightly shocked) What? No I'm not.

Veronica: Then prove it.

Molly: I will, I'll prove that I can be the man, and that in this relationship I Am the man!

(Cuts to Alice in her apartment doing the dishes and her cellphone rings)

Alice: (On the phone) Hello?

Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Alice, this must be you.

Alice: (On the phone) Mr. Grayson, how are you doing?

Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Just swell, it seems your book is being rumored to be the next big novel.

Alice: (On the phone) Are you serious?

Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Yes, I talked about the book with some good buddies of mine, and we may be able to get started publishing the book.

Alice: (On the phone) That is so great, thank you!

Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) I just need you to come to my office today.

Alice: (On the phone) Got it. (Alice hangs up her cell phone as it cuts to Michael at a bowling alley waiting for Sarah Connors)

Sarah Connors: (Approaches Michael) Mike, it's me Sarah.

Michael: Oh hey, what took you so long?

Sarah Connors: I….. (Thinks for a couple seconds) forgot my keys inside my place. (Pulls out her keys) See.

Michael: Okay, so you ever went bowling?

Sarah Connors: Oh… that game you play where you roll a ball down an alley into the sticks at the end.

Michael: I'm guessing you haven't played before.

Emma: (Suddenly cuts in between the two) Hey you two! I thought you might want some company so I added in my name. Let's ball.

Michael: (Sighs) This should be interesting.

(Cuts to three greenish spanish janitors smoking out of a bong in a van.

Janitor One: Me Gusta es Weed!

Janitor Two: Si!

(They all laugh as Molly pounds on the back doors)

Molly: Hey! Spanish Janitors! Can you come out!

(They open the doors and a huge cloud of weed comes out and Molly coughs from it)

Janitor Three: Buenas Dias Senorita.

Molly: You three have been taking too many breaks and I would like to see you work more, got it!?

(The three janitors laugh at Molly)

Molly: (Sighs) Let me repeat myself. (Grabs the first Janitor's neck and strangles him against a wall tightly) Get back to work now!

(He nods his head slowly)

Molly: Good. (Let's him go) You two better join him, go! (The two other janitors follow the first janitor and Veronica watches)

Veronica: (Claps) Impressive, so you do live up to the nickname Weird Girl.

Molly: You know it. (Starts to make out with Veronica as it cuts to Alice in Mr. Grayson's office)

Mr. Grayson: (Walks in) Alice.

Alice: Mr. Grayson, Hi! (Shakes his hand as he sits down in his desk chair)

Mr. Grayson: So this book is quite impressive, it pretty much speaks to anyone who has ever had feelings for someone they can't have.

Alice: Well, it pretty much is based on myself.

Mr. Grayson: Are you serious?

Alice: (Quietly) Yes.

Mr. Grayson: Fascinating, this writing is so poetic, you have a great taste for literature.

Alice: Really? Even when I said that "his long cock could wake up every bitch in the world"?

Mr. Grayson: You also know good humor.

Alice: (Smiles) Thank you. So when can we get the book published?

Mr. Grayson: Well, I just have to speak with the major publishers and see if I can get it released so… (Suddenly he gets shot in the head from the window)

Alice: (Screams) Holy Shit!

(Mr. Black is shown on a rooftop with a sniper rifle and it turns out he was the one who shot Mr. Grayson)

Mr. Black: Strike One.

(Cuts to Sarah Connors bowling and she does a strike)

Sarah Connors: Yay!

Michael: Wow, and this is your first time bowling?

Sarah Connors: I guess so.

Emma: Cool. (Thinks in her head) I have to find a way of exposing Sarah.

Sarah Connors: Your turn Mike.

(Michael gets ready to bowl as Sarah Connors sits down next to Emma)

Emma: (Purposely spills her beer on Sarah's Leg) Oh shit, Sarah I'm so sorry.

Sarah Connors: Oh that's okay. (Nothing changes about her)

Emma: (Thinks in her head) Fuck, that didn't work.

Michael: Okay Emma your turn.

Emma: Great! (Gets up and prepares to bowl, right when she's about to let go, she purposely lets go of the bowling ball and it hits Sarah Connors in the face)

Michael: Emma! What was that?

Emma: Oh man, It must of slipped out of my hand.

Sarah Connors: It's fine, it was only a… (Checks the ball size) 18. (Seems to look just fine)

Emma: Okay. (Thinks) This bitch is good.

(Cuts to Mr. Grayson's Office and EMT Officers are putting Mr. Grayson's dead body on a stretcher and Alice is shown looking shocked)

Alice: Is he dead?

EMT Officer: I'm sorry Ma'am, but Mr. Grayson is pronounced dead, the bullet was powerful enough to blow his brains completely.

Alice: (Quietly) Oh, that's too bad.

EMT Officer: Did you know him?

Alice: He was going to get my book published.

EMT Officer: Well then, today must not be your lucky day.

(Alice walks out looking sad, as it cuts to Emma sitting with Sarah Connors and Michael at a bar)

Emma: So that was a fun game.

Michael: Yeah it was, except for when you poured water on the floor and tried to make Sarah fall down.

Emma: I don't know, I just feel clumsy today.

Sarah Connors: For what is was worth, I had a good time.

Michael: Well then, I'm going to get you ladies some beer, be right back. (Michael gets up and goes to the bar)

Emma: This has been fun. (Pulls out a crack stem and starts to smoke crack)

Sarah Connors: Oh… (Starts to glitch) what are you… (glitches more) doing?

Emma: I'm just… (Notices the glitching)…. uh, just smoking.

Sarah Connors: Thats… (Glitches)… not a cigarette.

Emma: (Yells) No, it's not a cigarette, it's crack!

Michael: (Comes back with three beer bottles) Emma! What are you doing? (Takes her crack stem and throws it away)

Emma: What? You know me.

Michael: But in front of Sarah?

Sarah Connors: (Goes back to normal) It's cool, I'm okay.

Michael: Well Sarah, you probably don't know this but Emma is a crack addict.

Emma: Yeah, I am.

Sarah Connors: Thanks for pointing that out, now that I'm aware of Emma more in the future.

Emma: (Thinks in her head) Thanks a lot Michael.

(Cuts to Molly and Veronica making out in Alice's apartment on her couch)

Molly: I'm hard aren't I?

Veronica: I'm more than hard now.

(They continue to make out as Alice walks in with tears in her eyes)

Alice: My book is ruined.

Molly: What?

Alice: I was with Mr. Grayson, my agent, and suddenly he gets shot in the head.

Veronica: Really? Sounds like something straight out of a movie.

Alice: Now that he's dead, I can't get my book published.

Molly: I'm sorry, can we do anything to make you feel better.

Alice: Find someone who will give a shit about my book?

(Molly and Veronica are silenced for a couple seconds and then continue to make out as Alice storms into her room still upset)

Veronica: She's still crazy, right?

Molly: Of course.

(Simon storms in looking happy)

Simon: Ladies, you can't have me anymore, cause Sarah and I have moved in together.

Molly: Wow Simon, that's huge, especially since your still taking training lessons on actually calling a girl back after a date.

Simon: Joke all you want, but at least I'm going home to a hot bitch every night, suck it!

(Thomas walks in with a pizza)

Thomas: Hey, did you hear that Mr. Black shot someone in a book agent's office today.

(Alice storms out and throws Thomas's pizza in his face and she storms back in her room)

Thomas: What the fu…

Created by AndrewBrauer

Written by AndrewBrauer

-Lighshow Episode 16-

What did you think about I Am The Man?

The poll was created at 01:57 on June 9, 2014, and so far 1 people voted.


  • Originally suppose to air on June 1st, the episode had to be delayed for June 8th, due to schedule delays.
  • We learn that drugs that enter Sarah Connor's system can make her glitch.
  • We learn that Molly can be very tough.


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