|I Am The Man|
|Location||Ballbusters and Alice's apartment|
|Other episodes by the author|
Dancing On my Own
Emma learns the truth behind Chad Cop and Sarah Connors, Simon takes a big step in his relationship with Sarah, Alice gets some news about her book.
- Mild Violence
- Brief Nudity
- Adult Content
- Adult Language
- Sarah Connors
- Chad Cop (Mentioned)
- Mr. Black
- Mr. Grayson
On a Friday
(Opens with Emma walking into Alice's apartment)
Emma: Alice, you won't believe what's going on with… (Notices Alice and Thomas sitting on the couch looking at Emma)
Thomas: I think we know more than you do.
Emma: More of what?
Alice: Sit Emma. (Emma goes to sit in the middle of the couch)
Emma: So what really is going on?
Thomas: Well, Alice should explain.
(Emma turns to Alice)
Alice: Remember how everyone thought I was crazy because Simon was with Sarah Connors?
Emma: (Nods head) Yeah.
Alice: It's not so crazy now because, Sarah and Chad Cop are pretty much the same person.
Emma: Wait, what?
Alice: Chad Cop can transform into Sarah, like how she can then turn back into him.
Emma: (Shocked) Oh my god! You mean I could've been having sex with a woman?
Thomas: (Curious) Did you?
Emma: No. I was going to, but then I found out about this.
Alice: So what do we do now?
Thomas: We could just tell everyone.
Alice: Well Molly won't believe me since she's too busy with Veronica, Simon would just think he's drunk, but then there's Michael.
Emma: We should find a way to tell him.
Thomas: Why don't we tell everyone now so that it's out in the open.
Alice: They still wouldn't believe us, I mean come on. A love obsessed woman, a crack addict, and a man who's stalking his crush, they'll think we're crazy.
Emma: Maybe we can find a way to get Michael to know, but how.
(They all have a thinking expression for a couple of seconds)
Emma: I got it!
Alice: What Em?
Emma: Maybe we can convince him to spend some time with Sarah, and we'll say because his best friend Simon thinks that it should be necessary.
Thomas: I think we should just tell them.
Alice: No I agree, I mean if I had a new boyfriend I would want you guys to spend some time with him, this could work.
Emma: Of course. Now just let me take care of it, and you two just stay out of my way.
Alice: I really have to, since I'm their next target.
Emma: Wait, what?
Alice: I'll explain later, just take care of all that.
(Emma gets up and leaves, it then cuts to Simon and Sarah Connors in bed after having sex)
Simon: That was fun!
Sarah Connors: For sure.
Simon: But I kinda of want to talk to you.
Sarah Connors: Okay. (Turns to see Simon in bed)
Simon: We've been seeing each other for about a month now, and I don't know much about you, like where you came from, or where you actually work?
Sarah Connors: Well, I thought you wanted to have sex?
Simon: I do. But since I've been with you, I kinda if want to see what actually being in a relationship is like, you know, because I hear it's so horrible.
Sarah Connors: (Giggles) So what do you want to do with me? (Pulls off the blanket and reveals her breasts)
Simon: (Touches Sarah's breasts for a couple seconds) You want to move in with me?
Sarah Connors: (Surprised) Really, you think about that?
Simon: Uh, well look at it like this, if we move in, then we can do more of that god fucking we like.
(Sarah Connors thinks for a couple seconds)
Sarah Connors: (In her head) This could help break the suspicions about Emma. (To Simon) Okay, I'll move in.
Simon: Great! Well then make yourself at home. (They both get up and put on their clothes)
Sarah Connors: And by good fucking…
Simon: …sex, that's what I meant.
Sarah Connors: Just checking. (Kisses Simon as it cuts to Michael looking on his record shelf the next day at Ball Busters)
Michael: I need something good.
(Emma approaches Michael)
Emma: Hey Mike, whatcha up to?
Michael: Picking out tonight's songs, I don't know whether to play Afrojack or Zedd.
Emma: (Interrupts) So Michael, what do you think of Sarah, Simon's girlfriend?
Michael: Sarah Connors? I don't know, she seems alright.
Emma: Well if you really want to know her more, why don't you hang out with her, do something together like go bowling or something.
Michael: Oh, well do you think Simon would be okay with it.
Emma: (Thinks for a second) Most likely yes.
Michael: (Thinks for a few seconds) Okay, I'll see if she's available tonight.
Emma: (Smiles) Great. (Walks off and sees Molly and Veronica kissing at the bar)
Molly: (To Emma) Em, what's going on?
Emma: Oh nothing, but I see that you two seem very happy.
Veronica: Why wouldn't we, we're young and in love, it's just right. (Kisses Molly's cheek)
Emma: Well I got a question.
Molly & Veronica: Sure.
Emma: Since it's two girls in the relationship, who would be the tough one out of the two.
(Molly and Veronica stare at each other for a few seconds)
Veronica: (Interrupts) …that would be me.
Molly: (Slightly angry) Wait, you would be the man of the relationship
Veronica: Well yeah, I Am the man of this relationship.
Veronica: I had to learn what a man is like from my two idiot brothers, and I do work out.
Molly: Ronnie, I don't think yoga and stretching your body can be considered working out.
Veronica: Then what about you?
Molly: I've killed people before, and I can be aggressive underneath this cute face.
Veronica: (Giggles) Yeah right.
Molly: Okay then, well… (Puts her hand on the bar counter and notices it greasy and messy) Yuck! This place is a mess.
Emma: (To Molly) Don't you guys have janitors.
Molly: We have those mexican janitors that come in during the morning, but most recently they have been taking more breaks then they should have.
Emma: How many?
Molly: Like five.
Veronica: (To Molly) Oh, so that proves one thing about you, it's that you can be easily manipulated.
Molly: (Slightly shocked) What? No I'm not.
Veronica: Then prove it.
Molly: I will, I'll prove that I can be the man, and that in this relationship I Am the man!
(Cuts to Alice in her apartment doing the dishes and her cellphone rings)
Alice: (On the phone) Hello?
Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Alice, this must be you.
Alice: (On the phone) Mr. Grayson, how are you doing?
Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Just swell, it seems your book is being rumored to be the next big novel.
Alice: (On the phone) Are you serious?
Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Yes, I talked about the book with some good buddies of mine, and we may be able to get started publishing the book.
Alice: (On the phone) That is so great, thank you!
Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) I just need you to come to my office today.
Alice: (On the phone) Got it. (Alice hangs up her cell phone as it cuts to Michael at a bowling alley waiting for Sarah Connors)
Sarah Connors: (Approaches Michael) Mike, it's me Sarah.
Michael: Oh hey, what took you so long?
Sarah Connors: I….. (Thinks for a couple seconds) forgot my keys inside my place. (Pulls out her keys) See.
Michael: Okay, so you ever went bowling?
Sarah Connors: Oh… that game you play where you roll a ball down an alley into the sticks at the end.
Michael: I'm guessing you haven't played before.
Emma: (Suddenly cuts in between the two) Hey you two! I thought you might want some company so I added in my name. Let's ball.
Michael: (Sighs) This should be interesting.
(Cuts to three greenish spanish janitors smoking out of a bong in a van.
Janitor One: Me Gusta es Weed!
Janitor Two: Si!
(They all laugh as Molly pounds on the back doors)
Molly: Hey! Spanish Janitors! Can you come out!
(They open the doors and a huge cloud of weed comes out and Molly coughs from it)
Janitor Three: Buenas Dias Senorita.
Molly: You three have been taking too many breaks and I would like to see you work more, got it!?
(The three janitors laugh at Molly)
Molly: (Sighs) Let me repeat myself. (Grabs the first Janitor's neck and strangles him against a wall tightly) Get back to work now!
(He nods his head slowly)
Molly: Good. (Let's him go) You two better join him, go! (The two other janitors follow the first janitor and Veronica watches)
Veronica: (Claps) Impressive, so you do live up to the nickname Weird Girl.
Molly: You know it. (Starts to make out with Veronica as it cuts to Alice in Mr. Grayson's office)
Mr. Grayson: (Walks in) Alice.
Alice: Mr. Grayson, Hi! (Shakes his hand as he sits down in his desk chair)
Mr. Grayson: So this book is quite impressive, it pretty much speaks to anyone who has ever had feelings for someone they can't have.
Alice: Well, it pretty much is based on myself.
Mr. Grayson: Are you serious?
Alice: (Quietly) Yes.
Mr. Grayson: Fascinating, this writing is so poetic, you have a great taste for literature.
Alice: Really? Even when I said that "his long cock could wake up every bitch in the world"?
Mr. Grayson: You also know good humor.
Alice: (Smiles) Thank you. So when can we get the book published?
Mr. Grayson: Well, I just have to speak with the major publishers and see if I can get it released so… (Suddenly he gets shot in the head from the window)
Alice: (Screams) Holy Shit!
(Mr. Black is shown on a rooftop with a sniper rifle and it turns out he was the one who shot Mr. Grayson)
Mr. Black: Strike One.
(Cuts to Sarah Connors bowling and she does a strike)
Sarah Connors: Yay!
Michael: Wow, and this is your first time bowling?
Sarah Connors: I guess so.
Emma: Cool. (Thinks in her head) I have to find a way of exposing Sarah.
Sarah Connors: Your turn Mike.
(Michael gets ready to bowl as Sarah Connors sits down next to Emma)
Emma: (Purposely spills her beer on Sarah's Leg) Oh shit, Sarah I'm so sorry.
Sarah Connors: Oh that's okay. (Nothing changes about her)
Emma: (Thinks in her head) Fuck, that didn't work.
Michael: Okay Emma your turn.
Emma: Great! (Gets up and prepares to bowl, right when she's about to let go, she purposely lets go of the bowling ball and it hits Sarah Connors in the face)
Michael: Emma! What was that?
Emma: Oh man, It must of slipped out of my hand.
Sarah Connors: It's fine, it was only a… (Checks the ball size) 18. (Seems to look just fine)
Emma: Okay. (Thinks) This bitch is good.
(Cuts to Mr. Grayson's Office and EMT Officers are putting Mr. Grayson's dead body on a stretcher and Alice is shown looking shocked)
Alice: Is he dead?
EMT Officer: I'm sorry Ma'am, but Mr. Grayson is pronounced dead, the bullet was powerful enough to blow his brains completely.
Alice: (Quietly) Oh, that's too bad.
EMT Officer: Did you know him?
Alice: He was going to get my book published.
EMT Officer: Well then, today must not be your lucky day.
(Alice walks out looking sad, as it cuts to Emma sitting with Sarah Connors and Michael at a bar)
Emma: So that was a fun game.
Michael: Yeah it was, except for when you poured water on the floor and tried to make Sarah fall down.
Emma: I don't know, I just feel clumsy today.
Sarah Connors: For what is was worth, I had a good time.
Michael: Well then, I'm going to get you ladies some beer, be right back. (Michael gets up and goes to the bar)
Emma: This has been fun. (Pulls out a crack stem and starts to smoke crack)
Sarah Connors: Oh… (Starts to glitch) what are you… (glitches more) doing?
Emma: I'm just… (Notices the glitching)…. uh, just smoking.
Sarah Connors: Thats… (Glitches)… not a cigarette.
Emma: (Yells) No, it's not a cigarette, it's crack!
Michael: (Comes back with three beer bottles) Emma! What are you doing? (Takes her crack stem and throws it away)
Emma: What? You know me.
Michael: But in front of Sarah?
Sarah Connors: (Goes back to normal) It's cool, I'm okay.
Michael: Well Sarah, you probably don't know this but Emma is a crack addict.
Emma: Yeah, I am.
Sarah Connors: Thanks for pointing that out, now that I'm aware of Emma more in the future.
Emma: (Thinks in her head) Thanks a lot Michael.
(Cuts to Molly and Veronica making out in Alice's apartment on her couch)
Molly: I'm hard aren't I?
Veronica: I'm more than hard now.
(They continue to make out as Alice walks in with tears in her eyes)
Alice: My book is ruined.
Alice: I was with Mr. Grayson, my agent, and suddenly he gets shot in the head.
Veronica: Really? Sounds like something straight out of a movie.
Alice: Now that he's dead, I can't get my book published.
Molly: I'm sorry, can we do anything to make you feel better.
Alice: Find someone who will give a shit about my book?
(Molly and Veronica are silenced for a couple seconds and then continue to make out as Alice storms into her room still upset)
Veronica: She's still crazy, right?
Molly: Of course.
(Simon storms in looking happy)
Simon: Ladies, you can't have me anymore, cause Sarah and I have moved in together.
Molly: Wow Simon, that's huge, especially since your still taking training lessons on actually calling a girl back after a date.
Simon: Joke all you want, but at least I'm going home to a hot bitch every night, suck it!
(Thomas walks in with a pizza)
Thomas: Hey, did you hear that Mr. Black shot someone in a book agent's office today.
(Alice storms out and throws Thomas's pizza in his face and she storms back in her room)
Thomas: What the fu…
Created by AndrewBrauer
Written by AndrewBrauer
-Lighshow Episode 16-
- Originally suppose to air on June 1st, the episode had to be delayed for June 8th, due to schedule delays.
- We learn that drugs that enter Sarah Connor's system can make her glitch.
- We learn that Molly can be very tough.