|Location||Kitty Room and Alice's Apartment|
|Other episodes by the author|
The guys visit a strip club and end up pissing off the wrong guy. Molly moves in with Alice.
- Graphic Violence
- Adult Content
- Adult Language
- Earl Grey (Semi-Antagonist)
- Mr. Black (Semi-Antagonist)
- Gerald Butler (Mentioned)
On a Thursday
(Opens with Simon, Thomas, and Michael in Simon's truck, with Simon driving)
Thomas: (To Simon) So how did you hear of this place?
Simon: When I came back to the city, I came here whenever I was lonely.
Michael: (To Thomas) We would always come back here whenever we had a whole load of unnecessary singles.
Thomas: (To Simon and Michael) Is that why we stopped at the ATM?
Simon & Michael: Yes!
Simon: Consider this a birthday present.
Thomas: But my birthday isn't until the twenty-fourth.
Michael: Thomas, you're about to go into a strip club that has women with breasts the size of watermelons, I think you should just accept it as a birthday present.
Simon: Alright, let's see some tities!
(Cuts to Simon, Thomas, and Michael entering The Kitty Room, which has topless servers and some topless pole dancers, with the song 212 being played in the background)
Simon: Gentlemen, welcome to the happiest place in the world. And I'm not talking about Disney World.
(Cuts to Alice outside her apartment meeting up with Molly)
Molly: Hey thanks for letting me move in with you.
Alice: No problem.
(Molly and Alice open up the moving truck and proceed to bring up a mattress up the stairs to Alice's apartment)
Molly: (Grunts) So I heard things with you and Simon didn't work out so well.
Alice: Yeah well, we just weren't right for each other.
Molly: So what are you gonna do?
Alice: I'll just keep doing what I usually do, keep searching for my soulmate.
Molly: You always say that.
Alice: But I won't have the thought of Simon running down my back.
(Suddenly the mattress gets stuck between the stairs and a wall)
Alice: (Grunts) Ugh! My side is stuck.
Molly: Well my side is still loose.
Alice: Let's try picking it up.
Molly: Are you sure we can do that?
Alice: We have to at least try.
(Molly picks up her side, but Alice struggles to pick up her side)
Alice: Wow, it's really stuck in here.
Molly: (Struggling) Hurry up, I'm losing my grip.
Alice: I'm trying.
(After a few seconds Molly lets go and the mattress falls down the stairs and onto the previous floor)
Alice: Well, let's try again, but let's do it this time by picking it up over our heads.
(Cuts to Thomas and Michael staring at a topless woman on a pole)
Thomas: Those are probably the biggest breasts I have ever seen.
Michael: This is just a newcomer, the pros have boobs so big, they could crush you're head.
Thomas: (Gulps) Wow.
(Simon approaches Thomas and Michael)
Simon: (To Thomas) Thomas, if think this is hot, then I'll introduce you to a popular feature here called the private dance.
Thomas: What's that?
Simon: It's where you can stare at one or two women dancing in front of you for about five minutes.
Thomas: Really, that sounds awesome.
Simon: It is, but you gotta be careful, you're not allowed to touch the girls.
Thomas: Why not?
Simon: Because the bouncer by the exit door will break you're neck.
Thomas: (Nervous) Oh shit.
Simon: Don't worry, you just gotta follow the rules.
Michael: (To Thomas) Well, I can't go back in there, last time I touched one of the women, I nearly got my arm broken.
Thomas: Gee, this is sounds more risky than I thought.
Simon: Relax, just keep you're hands to yourself.
(Simon and Thomas approach a dancer with a wad a cash)
Simon: We'll have your finest bottle of champagne.
(Simon and Thomas follow the dancer into a doorway with a curtain on it, and they both sit down on a couch)
Dancer: Here's what you'll get for what you payed for.
(As the dancer begins to dance, the song Dirty Talk begins to play in the background, and the dancer does a sexy dance for about thirty seconds)
Simon: Yeah this is the shit.
(The dancer removes her top and motions towards Simon)
Dancer: Opps! I lost my top.
Simon: Oh man! I'm so hard right now.
(The dancer gets closer to Simon and he grabs the dancer's breasts and places them in his face)
Dancer: What the fuck?
Dancer: (Yells) NO TOUCHING!!!!
(The bouncer storms into the room)
Bouncer: (Angry) Do you not know the rules? The most important is no touching!
Simon: (Stands up) I'm sorry man, she enticed me.
Bouncer: The rules are the rules!
(The Bouncer punches Simon in the face as Michael soon comes into the room and shoots the bouncer in the head with a handgun)
(Blood and Brain matter are shown splattered everywhere as the bouncer's dead body is shown lying on the floor, the dancer runs away)
Thomas: What the fuck did you do?
Michael: I brought my handgun just in case, this reminds me so much of that movie Go, funny how this can happen in real life.
Simon: It doesn't matter, because we gotta get out of here right now!
Simon: I forgot to mention but this club is run by a certain henchman of a certain someone.
Simon: Gerald Butler.
Thomas: Of Earl Grey!
Simon: Yeah! So we better get going.
(Simon, Thomas, and Michael leave The Kitty Room, as it then cuts to Molly and Alice finally getting the mattress upstairs and they drop the mattress on the floor)
Alice: (Panting) Finally.
Molly: (Breathing heavily) I know, how many floors are we?
Alice: The fourth floor.
Molly: Holy fuck.
(Molly and Alice sit down on the couch in the living room and sit there doing nothing for a few seconds)
Molly: You wanna know the real reason why I moved in with you?
Molly: Mr. Black is looking for me.
(Alice has a confused expression on her face)
Alice: Are you kidding me?
Molly: Well, he may have discovered me when my roommate told me that she was working for him.
Alice: This is crazy. Do you think he's gonna find us here?
Molly: No way.
Molly: Because I killed her.
Molly: By accident.
(Cuts to earlier that day, where Molly is holding her roommate by her right foot over the balcony of her old apartment)
Roommate: Please, I didn't tell him where you were moving to!
Molly: You sure.
Molly: Good, cause my arm is hurting really ba…
(Suddenly Molly let's go of her roommate and she hits a truck in the parking lot and appears to be dead)
Molly; Oh shit.
(Cuts back to Molly and Alice sitting on the couch)
Alice: So that's why it took us a while to get you're mattress, because your arms hurt from killing you're roommate.
Molly: I promise it won't happen to you.
Alice: (Get up) Then what the hell are we gonna do?
Molly: Don't worry. Mr. Black doesn't know where I am, so for right now, we're safe.
(Then a loud cough can be heard across the wall behind the couch)
Molly: New neighbor?
Alice: Yeah, I don't know anything about the new guy next door.
(The door knocks)
Alice: Maybe that's the guy.
(Molly and Alice get up and approach the door, Alice opens the door and finds Emma with a crack bottle in her hand)
Emma: What's up bitches?
Alice: Emma, do you?
Emma: Yes, I live next door.
Emma: Yeah. I moved in two days ago. I convinced my parents to give me enough money to buy my own place, I fooled them into thinking I'm clean and sober.
Molly: Wow! Well, I just moved in with Alice.
Emma: No fucking way.
Alice: Yeah. Because Molly killed her old roommate.
(Molly softly punches Alice in the arm)
Molly: (To Alice) Bitch, I don't want Emma to know.
Emma: Know what?
Alice: (To Emma) Remember when you were trapped in that crack den?
Emma: Hey the one thing I only remember from Crack Dens are what happens in Crack Dens, stays in Crack Dens.
Alice: Well, there's a man after Molly.
Emma: Ohh this is exciting! (Claps her hands and jumps up and down for a couple of seconds)
Molly: (To Emma) Not now, but I don't know when.
Emma: Oh shit, I almost done smoking, I got to go to the closest meat market and bite on a piece of steak before i eat you two.
Molly: Okay bye, neighbor (Snickers)
(Cuts to Simon, Thomas, and Michael driving away in Simon's truck)
Simon: Alright, I'm sure we can just drive away into a hideout.
Thomas: (Angry) Why didn't you tell me Earl Grey had a string of strip clubs?
Simon: Not him, he gave it to Gerald when he decided that when he was tired of disrespecting just women.
Michael: And I'm guessing he decided to just rule the world instead?
Simon: Funny how some things are connected.
(Suddenly the truck stops and is picked up in the air by Earl Grey)
Thomas: Holy Shit, the truck stopped.
Simon: No, I think we're in the air.
Earl Grey: (Laughs in an Evil Tone) That's right, it's me Earl Grey!
Michael: We're sorry that Simon couldn't keep his dirty hands off one of the strippers, but please don't kill us!
Earl Grey: I don't care about the stripper, but the bouncer was one of my top butlers, and now you're gonna pay!
(As the truck is about to be thrown, a dark force overshadows Earl Grey)
Earl Grey: What the douse?
(The truck falls down safely and the dark force consumes Earl Grey offscreen with screams of pain being heard from Earl Grey)
Thomas; What happened?
Simon: Whatever is was, it certainly saved our skins.
Michael: But why would it kill Earl Grey, but leave us with our life to spare?
Simon: I don't know.
(Cuts to Mr. Black holding Earl Grey's hat on top of a building with the chorus to Unf**kwittable being heard in the background, and Mr. Black stares at the sun for several seconds)
Mr. Black: They will never see it coming.
(The camera pans out on Mr. Black's face)
Created By AndrewBrauer
Written By AndrewBrauer
-Lightshow Episode 8-
- Marks it offical that Molly and Alice are roommates.
- Molly is willing to commit murder, as the reason she moved in with Alice is for killing her old roommate.
- Simon knows of various strip clubs.
- The first name drop of a movie.
- Inspired by the movie Go.
- Emma is now offically Molly and Alice's next door neighbor.
- Continues on a subplot from the episode WTF.
- Thomas's birthday is the twenty-fourth of February.