|LEZ II: The Overbearing|
|Season 3, Episode 4|
(Derek and Red are drinking at a bar.)
Derek: God...I can't believe we've been at this for a year.
Red: Yeah, I'm pretty tired of it.
Derek: What do you mean?
Red: Well, making constant episodes one after the other in a crazy schedule just to get...maybe one comment? Is it worth it?
(Derek looks at Red in silence.)
Derek: Yeah...I guess. But hey, at least we're having fun!
Derek: Here, I know somethin' that will cheer you up.
Red: And what is that?
(Cut to Derek and Red in a Lamborghini, driving towards the LEZ sorority house.)
Red: AW YEAH! This place is sick as hell, the bitches are awesome!
Derek: I know right!
(They crash the Lamborghini into the house.)
Derek and Red: 'Sup, ladies.
Lesbian 1: Oh my god! I remember you, Red boy!
Red: Of course of do.
Lesbian 2: We should give these guys a lap dance!
All lesbians: YEAH!
(Suddenly, all the lights go out, and a ghostly figure rises from the shadows.)
Ghost Broseph: Did you miss me?
Lesbian 3: Wait a minute, aren't you that Broseph douche that sabotaged our party a year ago?
Ghost Broseph: Uhh...
Lesbian 5: Yeah, he was!
Lesbian 2: Let's get 'em!
(They all pounce onto Ghost Broseph, but being a ghost, they have no affect.)
Ghost Broseph: You guys know that I'm a spirit, right?
Red: I know how to take care of you, Broseph!
Ghost Broseph: Hey Red! I thought we were buds! You know, homies!
Red: Bitch, you ain't nothin!
(He grabs a bottle of sage from his pocket, and chucks it at Broseph.)
Ghost Broseph: AGGGH! IT BURNS! HELP ME!
Red: Have Satan help you when you arrive, bitch.
(Broseph begins to descend into the Earth's core, and lands in Filler Hell.)
Broseph: Wait, filler hell?
Satan: Yep. Only the most useless characters in all of the Dick Sticks canon come here.
Broseph: But I'm a main character in the show this show is paroding!
(Satan looks towards ionixmusic, who is sitting at a broken down computer, writing fics.)
Satan: Is that true, O Great One?
ionixmusic: Sorry, man. Can't mess with the canon.
(ionixmusic pulls a lever, and sends Broseph to a fiery demise.)
Broseph: FUCK YOU, MUSIC!
(ionix pulls out a walkie talkie from his desk.)
ionixmusic: Derek, meet me in my office, please.
(Derek falls down into hell, then walks over to ionix.)
Derek: Yes, sir?
ionixmusic: Which Season 3 episodes do you plan to appear in?
Derek: Well sir, I'm thinking The Everyman, Darker and Edgier (and Sluttier), and Stultus Cadet.
(ionix enters the episodes into his schedule planner.)
ionixmusic: Alright. I'll send 'ya back up.
(He pulls a lever which brings down a tube. Derek is sucked into the tube and is sent back to the sorority house.)
Derek: Sorry, had to do something.
Red: It's all cool.
Lesbian 2: You can do me anyday.
Derek: Sure, sweetcheeks.
(Derek, Red and all the Lesbians start having a party, as the scene pans back to reveal a picture book with the party, and ionix sitting a leather chair with a pipe in his mouth.)
ionixmusic: Haha! What a wonderful story, don't you think? You know, it's weird to think that I've been reading stories to you for a year now. Although with some schedule screw-ups. It's all apart of being human, I guess. Well, I hope you enjoyed this first year of Dick Sticks storytime fun! Make sure to leave room in your calendar for the next year!
(He takes a smoke of his pipe.)
ionixmusic: Well, what are you waiting for? Run along, now, and have fun!
(He takes another smoke of the pipe but gags.)
ionixmusic: God, this shit is fucking disgusting!
(He smashes the camera, toppling it over onto the ground, as the scene ends with static.)