Lottery Wars
Lottery Wars
Everyone hopes to win some cash.
Air date 2-28-14
Written by AndrewBrauer & Mdkid663
Directed by AndrewBrauer & Mdkid663
Other episodes by the author

Icy Encounter

Booby Trap

 Simon suggests that the group pulls in some money to buy enough tickets to win the lucky lottery numbers, and hopefully win one hundred million dollars. Inspired by the episode The One With The Lottery.


  • Simon (Semi-Antagonist until the end)
  • Thomas (Semi-Antagonist until the end)
  • Molly
  • Alice (Semi-Antagonist until the end)
  • Michael (Semi-Antagonist until the end)
  • Emma (Semi-Antagonist until the end)
  • Spark (Semi-Antagonist until the end)
  • Ryle (Semi-Antagonist)
  • Violet (Semi-Antagonist)
  • Eleven


(Opens with Simon running into Ball Busters where Thomas, Molly, Alice, Michael, and Emma are standing around)

Simon: Guys guess what!?

(Everyone just stares at Simon)

Thomas: What?

Simon: The big jackpot is on tonight, they say the reward is one hundred million!

Emma: Seriously? That sounds fucking awesome!

Michael: Sound great!

Molly: So how do we participate?

Simon: Well, we just got to get a lot of tickets, which are various numbers, the more we get the better our chances, so we need to get a shit load of tickets and have them ready by tonight.

Alice: Well, you can count me out.

Molly: (To Alice) Why?

Alice: It's the lottery, our chances of winning are worse than Simon's chances of not getting an STD.

Simon: Hey! I'm still clean, I think.

Thomas: I'm with Alice, why should I waste my money on something I'm most likely am not going to win?

Molly: Because it sounds fun, so I'll do it!

(Thomas pauses for a second)

Thomas: Screw it, I'm in!

Simon: Great, now the numbers will be revealed tonight at nine, so we need to get as many tickets as we can.

Michael: Well, all six of us can't get it on our own, remember that episode in Friends when Joey forced everyone to get tickets and they ended up getting just three dollars?

Simon: Yes, and they all still became friends. That's why I have a plan.

Alice: Shit, this can't be good!

(Cuts to Simon and Michael who approach Spark who is shown playing a guitar on the streets)

Michael: Hey Sparky!

Spark: (to Michael) Sup' Mikey! (to Simon in a bored tone) Hey Dude.

Simon: So listen, have you ever participated in the lottery, or have even heard of it?

Spark: I heard of one, but I never participated.

Simon: Okay, well the prize tonight is a hundred million, if you can get us a shit load of tickets, then we'll split the money with you.

Michael: (To Spark) Yeah man, think about all the guitars you can get.

Spark: (laughs a bit) Alright, alright. I'll do it.

Simon: Great! Now there are about three hundred lottery stores in america, if you can bring them back the quickest you can then that'll be great.

Michael: (To Spark) Also get more people to help out as well too.

Spark: Right!

(Cuts to Simon, Thomas, Molly, Alice, Michael, and Emma at Ball Busters, everyone except Alice is counting how many tickets they have)

Simon: (To Alice) Last chance to pull in some cash for tickets.

Alice: Well…

Molly: Hey Alice, even though you think the lottery is stupid, I have some tickets for you.

Alice: Wow, thanks Molly. Okay I'm in, let's win some cash!

Michael: (Sets up TV on bar counter) Where's Spark?

Simon: He'll be here, don't worry we got to win those millions.

Emma: (Pulls out a wishbone) Hey guys, I had a turkey today and I pulled out the wishbone!

Simon: Awesome! What we need is good luck, smart thinking.

Spark: (comes back with three hundred lottery stores) I'm back.

Michael: How many tickets did you get?

Spark: 876,428,375,237

Simon: (Shocked) Shit! When they say you're fast they aren't bullshiting!

Emma: Okay, who wants to pull the wishbone and hopefully make a wish?

Molly: I'll do it!

(Molly and Michael grab each end of the wishbone)

Michael: Alright lesbo, ready to see who will get lucky tonight?

Molly: Fuck you.

(Molly and Michael pull each end and Molly ends up pulling it off first)

Molly: (Excited) Yah! I guess I am lucky tonight!

Michael: Whatever, your wish better be that we win tonight.

Alice: (Sarcastic) Wow, that's so great. (Sees a lamp at the bar) Maybe if I rub this lamp a genie will… (Rubs the lamp then gets her hands hot)… ow! That thing gets hot.

Simon: So guys if we won a hundred million how would you spend it?

Emma: Retire early, and maybe move to Tokyo, I hear the raves there are fucking awesome!

Spark: I lived at Tokyo!

Emma: (To Spark) Well duh, your hair shows it.

Spark: My hair?

Alice: I might move to New York and buy my dream penthouse.

Simon: I'll probably buy the raiders and hopefully they won't lose all the time.

Michael: Yeah, but we hardly ever watch football so it wouldn't matter.

Simon: Good point.

Thomas: I might put in a bank account!

Simon & Michael: Excuse me?

Spark: Back account?

Thomas: (Sarcastic) Oh I'm sorry, I meant be stupid and blow it all on booze and bitches.

(Simon and Michael high five each other)

Emma: Well are chances are good with all these tickets.

Molly: Wait you guys, how are we going to split the money?

Simon: Seven ways. We each get… (Pauses from confusion)

Alice: You don't know?

Simon: How should I know, I did shitty in school.

Spark: Do you know Tom?

(Everyone stares at Spark)

Simon: No.

(Spark pouts)

Thomas: Hey meant me, dumbass.

Spark: Yeah.

Thomas: Anyways, I couldn't really figure it out, maybe if we get some more people involved we'll figure it out.

Simon: Who else knows about this?

(During that, A dark red figure and a female violet figure comes inside)

Michael: (To Spark) Who's that?

Spark: Oh boy.

(The dark figure was no other than Ryle, and the female blue violet figures is known as Violet)

Ryle: What the fuck are you bitches doing?

Simon: The lottery, where I hope to win a hundred million.

Alice: Wait, why do you get the most money?

Simon: It was my idea.

Thomas: (Sarcastic) Oh wow! Thanks for creating the lottery.

Molly: Guys calm down.

Michael: So Spark you told them about the Lottery?

Spark: (scratches the back of his head) Yeah….

Michael: What?

Spark: Nothing.

Alice: Okay guys the numbers are going up in about half an hour, do we have all the tickets?

Emma: Yeah, they're in the bag. (Points to the giant bag)

Simon: What about the ones under the bar table?

Emma: What are you talking about?

Simon: The twenty you put under there.

Emma: (Laughs awkwardly) What are you talking about we have the tickets.

Simon: Seriously I saw you put some there.

Emma: Simon, sense the tone.

(Alice looks under the bar table)

Alice: (Pulls out the tickets) What the…

Michael: Emma were you going to use those for yourself?

Emma: (Pauses for a few seconds) Fine, they were just for me, by the way Simon you really are a dumbass.

Violet: What a selfish crack whore.

Alice: (To Simon) Simon, please say that this is wrong.

Simon: Fine, Emma what you did was wrong.

(Emma gasps)

Simon: Let me finish, but it was my idea for the lottery so screw all of you (Points to everyone but Emma) me and Emma are going to be the lucky winners.

(Everyone is shocked)

Ryle: (cracks his knuckles, getting pissed off) Not if I can help it.

Alice: (To Simon and Emma) Okay well suppose one of your magic tickets wins, what will you do when you win all that money and lose all your friends?

Emma: Are you crazy, I'm not going to lose all of you guys.

Michael: How do you know that? What if we go somewhere and we can't afford it?

Simon: Well then you guys are shit out of luck, cause you won't be borrowing from us.

Alice: You know what screw it, I want my share of the tickets. (Puts her hands into the bag)

Michael: Me too, and I'm going to buy the Raiders, and Star Wars!

Thomas: (Puts hands in bag) Well I want my share too, and all the money I'm going to win is going to go into a very private bond.

Spark: (puts hands into bag) I'm getting a super mech!

Ryle: (puts hands into bag) I'm getting that and large arsenal of weapons bitch!

Molly: You guys stop, we gotta keep all the tickets together. (Grabs Bag)

Emma: (Grabs the bag from Molly) No, we should divide them up, and I should get extra because I started this argument!

Violet: (Grabs the bag from Emma) Sorry, but I got a lot of things to do with that money.

Michael: (Grabs the Bag from Violet) Hey! If anyone should get extra it should be me, since I got you guys most of the tickets!

Simon: That was Spark!

Michael: (Sarcastically) Thanks for pointing that out Simon!

Alice: You know what just give me the bag, I'll divide them up. (Pinches Michael's nipple)

(Molly loses it and yells while grabbing the bag and going outside)

Molly: I can't take it, no one gets the tickets! (Goes out the front door)

Alice: Okay, if she gets hit by a car I get her tickets!

(Everyone goes outside where Molly is next to the sidewalk with the bag open)

Molly: You guys can't control using the tickets so say goodbye to them. (Opens the bag, but doesn't let them loose)

Everyone but Molly: No! Don't!

Molly: Don't move any closer, otherwise they're gone!

(Molly is suddenly shot in the chest by Eleven with a sniper rifle, as a bus drives right by Molly at high speed and the tickets fly out of the bag, everyone has a shocked expression on their face)

Molly: (In Pain) At least I still have the bag.

(Alice and Emma pick up Molly)

Simon: Wait, what about the tickets?

Alice: Are you fucking serious right now!?

Eleven: (holding an DSR 50 sniper rifle) .....?

Emma: Bye the way (Pulls out ten tickets) I hid these ten tickets just in case.

Everyone but Emma and Molly: Emma!

Alice: Well, let's get Molly to a hospital!

Michael: Maybe Spark can get her there before she dies, can you?

Spark: Yeah.

Simon: Get her there! We'll stay here… (Pauses for a few seconds)...and make sure she's okay.

Thomas: Whatever, hurry before she can't breath anymore!

Spark: Right!

(Spark grabs Molly and rushes at the hospital as fast as he could, Everyone goes back inside as Simon locks the door from the outside)

Simon: Screw those two, let's hope the tickets give us the million!

Eleven: (reload his rifle) .....

Emma: (Opens the bar cabinets) Luckily I have a hundred more tickets, that'll better our chances!

(Eleven sees Emma with his scope)

Eleven: …..

Michael: (Notices Eleven) Emma! (Grabs Emma to the ground)

Emma: Get off of me, this won't get you the tickets, bitch!

Michael: Sorry, it was just that I had that same feeling Alice had when that weird guy with red eyes and claws came in and almost killed us.

Emma: You think that same guy shot Molly?

Michael: Maybe, anyways let's get up. (Michael and Emma get up and go to the bar)

Alice: The numbers are about to be announced!

Thomas: So guys, let's cross our fingers and hope we get the lucky numbers!

(The numbers pop up on the television screen, the numbers read 62, 11, 41, and 19)

Simon: Alright guys let's search!

(Everyone looks through multiple piles of tickets)

Spark: C'mon bitch!

Ryle: Where the fuck is it!?

Simon: (Notices Spark back inside) What the fuck? How did you get back inside?

Alice: Nevermind, Keep looking!

Emma: (Looks through tickets) No, No, No (Pulls two tickets out of her left boob), dammit no!

(Eleven aims at Simon with his scope)

Thomas: Hey Guys, what was the lucky power number?

Simon: Nine.

Thomas: We won.

Simon: What?

Thomas: We won the power number! (Everyone goes to look at the ticket)

Alice: Thomas you need the other three numbers.

Thomas: Yeah, but we still won, we got seventy dollars!

(Everyone stares at Thomas with confusion)

Simon: Well then I guess we split it nine ways.

Alice: That means we all get seven dollars.

Emma: That sucks!

Ryle: You know what? I'm outta here! Fuck you guys! (leaves)

Violet: Same here. (leaves)

Michael: Well that means we all get ten dollars then.

Thomas: Okay, but we have to go tell Molly, Spark is she at the Hospital?

Spark: Yeah.

(Cuts to Simon, Thomas, Alice, Michael, Emma, and Spark waiting outside of the hospital and Molly comes out in a wheelchair)

Molly: So did we win anything?

Simon: Just a lousy ten dollars for each of us.

Molly: Oh, well at least my wish was to earn some money.

Alice: I guess.

Thomas: So I wonder who won the hundred million?

(Eleven was in the deep forest, carrying the hundred million dollars with him)

Eleven: ...… (Walks off to the city)

The End

What did you think about this episode?

The poll was created at 00:53 on February 9, 2014, and so far 4 people voted.

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