Metal Gear Hardening
Season 1, Episode 12
12. Metal Gear Hardening2
Air date 7/5/13
Directed by IONIXMUSIC
Episode guide
Coffee Time
Suzan unleashes her undying anger upon the residents of her remote town, looking for the DICKS and VAGINA squads.



  1. Derek
  2. Issac
  3. Cameron
  4. Kaleb
  5. Samuel
  1. Violet
  2. Amy
  3. Georgia
  4. Ianthe
  5. Nicole
  6. Absinthe
  7. Suzan


(We begin this adven- okay this is getting old. Let's join Suzan in her apartment.)

Suzan: I...hate...those...fuckers.

(She throws a huge fireball at a wall.)

Suzan: DAMMIT! Why can't I just kill them?!

(The DICKS break through the ceiling.)

Issac: Dude, those Voodoo Doughnuts were awesome!

Samuel: True that!

Derek: Hey Suzan!

Suzan: Yeah. Hey.

(The VAGINA squad slowly falls through the ceiling.)

Ianthe: Hey Suzan, are you OK?

(Suzan angrily throws a fireball at Ianthe.)

Suzan: Fuck off!

Issac: Calm down! Want a doughnut?

(Suzan gets angry and crashes through the ceiling in a ball of fire.)

Derek: Let's get her! I'll pay back that alpha bitch with a punch to the face!

Violet: Derek! Don't focus on the past!

Derek: *sigh* You're right. We need to break out the ultimate weapon.

Issac: Drugs?

Derek: No. The other ultimate weapon.

(Both squads fly off, and land in a deserted parking garage.)

Absinthe: This looks to be the locker. Anybody got the key?

(Issac is scratching his ass.)

Issac: *clink* *clink* *clink*

Amy: Issac? Do you have the key?

Issac: *clink* What? *clink* *clink*

Georgia: Stop scratching your ass and look in your pocket, dammit!

Issac: (looks in pocket.) Oh.

(Issac hands the key to Absinthe.)

Absinthe: Here goes nothing...

(She unlocks the door and lifts it up.)

Derek: The Metal Gear!

Issac: Who's gonna drive that thing?

Derek: I will.

(Silence. Derek walks towards to the Metal Gear hops in it.)

Absinthe: How are you going to catch Suzan with that thing?

Derek: Like this.

(He whips out a rocket launcher and blows up the Metal Gear, shooting rockets at the ground to keep himself up.)

Derek: See ya bitches!

(Derek rocket jumps off.)

Issac: What a crazy bitch.

(A few minutes later, in space.)

Derek: Hey Suzan!

Suzan: The fuck do you want?

Derek: Wanna brawl to the death?

Suzan: Hehe. Sure thing.

Issac(os): DEREK!

Derek: Huh?

(Issac is in the Metal Gear with rocket feet.)

Derek: What the fuck Issac?!

Issac: We fixed up the Metal Gear! And put some rocket feet on it!

(Derek jumps into the Metal Gear and Issac ejects.)

Derek: See ya!

Issac: Bye!

Derek: Alright. Here we go!

(Suzan blasts an fireball at Derek, but he quickly evades, shooting bullets at the same time. Suzan blasts up in the air, going up in a spiral of fire as she darts down towards Derek. Derek makes a downward move as he shoots bullets above himself, effectively hitting Suzan in the leg.)

Suzan: Fuck!

(Suzan tumbles toward Earth.)

Derek: Time to finish you off!

(Derek puts his fist out while he blasts towards Earth, bursting into flames.)


(Derek punches Suzan in the face, thrusting her into the Earth's crust.)


Derek: Fuck yeah!

(Derek get sunglasses and stands in front of a background with bald eagles, apple pies and bikinis.)

Derek: 'MURICA! 


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