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Metal Gear Hardening
Season 1, Episode 12
12. Metal Gear Hardening2
Air date 7/5/13
Written by IONIXMUSIC
Directed by IONIXMUSIC
Episode guide
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Sausagefest
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Coffee Time
Suzan unleashes her undying anger upon the residents of her remote town, looking for the DICKS and VAGINA squads.

PART TWO OF THE EPIC TWO PARTER.

Characters

  • DICKS
  1. Derek
  2. Issac
  3. Cameron
  4. Kaleb
  5. Samuel
  • VAGINAS
  1. Violet
  2. Amy
  3. Georgia
  4. Ianthe
  5. Nicole
  6. Absinthe
  7. Suzan
  • METAL GEAR

Transcript

(We begin this adven- okay this is getting old. Let's join Suzan in her apartment.)

Suzan: I...hate...those...fuckers.

(She throws a huge fireball at a wall.)

Suzan: DAMMIT! Why can't I just kill them?!

(The DICKS break through the ceiling.)

Issac: Dude, those Voodoo Doughnuts were awesome!

Samuel: True that!

Derek: Hey Suzan!

Suzan: Yeah. Hey.

(The VAGINA squad slowly falls through the ceiling.)

Ianthe: Hey Suzan, are you OK?

(Suzan angrily throws a fireball at Ianthe.)

Suzan: Fuck off!

Issac: Calm down! Want a doughnut?

(Suzan gets angry and crashes through the ceiling in a ball of fire.)

Derek: Let's get her! I'll pay back that alpha bitch with a punch to the face!

Violet: Derek! Don't focus on the past!

Derek: *sigh* You're right. We need to break out the ultimate weapon.

Issac: Drugs?

Derek: No. The other ultimate weapon.

(Both squads fly off, and land in a deserted parking garage.)

Absinthe: This looks to be the locker. Anybody got the key?

(Issac is scratching his ass.)

Issac: *clink* *clink* *clink*

Amy: Issac? Do you have the key?

Issac: *clink* What? *clink* *clink*

Georgia: Stop scratching your ass and look in your pocket, dammit!

Issac: (looks in pocket.) Oh.

(Issac hands the key to Absinthe.)

Absinthe: Here goes nothing...

(She unlocks the door and lifts it up.)

Derek: The Metal Gear!

Issac: Who's gonna drive that thing?

Derek: I will.

(Silence. Derek walks towards to the Metal Gear hops in it.)

Absinthe: How are you going to catch Suzan with that thing?

Derek: Like this.

(He whips out a rocket launcher and blows up the Metal Gear, shooting rockets at the ground to keep himself up.)

Derek: See ya bitches!

(Derek rocket jumps off.)

Issac: What a crazy bitch.

(A few minutes later, in space.)

Derek: Hey Suzan!

Suzan: The fuck do you want?

Derek: Wanna brawl to the death?

Suzan: Hehe. Sure thing.

Issac(os): DEREK!

Derek: Huh?

(Issac is in the Metal Gear with rocket feet.)

Derek: What the fuck Issac?!

Issac: We fixed up the Metal Gear! And put some rocket feet on it!

(Derek jumps into the Metal Gear and Issac ejects.)

Derek: See ya!

Issac: Bye!

Derek: Alright. Here we go!

(Suzan blasts an fireball at Derek, but he quickly evades, shooting bullets at the same time. Suzan blasts up in the air, going up in a spiral of fire as she darts down towards Derek. Derek makes a downward move as he shoots bullets above himself, effectively hitting Suzan in the leg.)

Suzan: Fuck!

(Suzan tumbles toward Earth.)

Derek: Time to finish you off!

(Derek puts his fist out while he blasts towards Earth, bursting into flames.)

Derek: HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(Derek punches Suzan in the face, thrusting her into the Earth's crust.)

Suzan: You...win.

Derek: Fuck yeah!

(Derek get sunglasses and stands in front of a background with bald eagles, apple pies and bikinis.)

Derek: 'MURICA! 

-END-

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