|Written by||AndrewBrauer & YoshiRocker13|
|Other episodes by the author|
A Rare Thing to Please
When Blue and Pink decide to spice up their sex life by making a sex tape, it ends up lost the next morning.
- Rare (Antagonist)
- Chad Cop
- Red (Mentioned)
(Opens with a montage of Blue and Pink kissing in various places, but get interrupted by Blink, it then cuts to the present with Blue and Pink looking tired on the couch)
Blue: (sighs) Right now, our sex life is getting pretty lazy..
Pink: Totally! Everytime we try to kiss or have sex, Blink usually comes in and ruins it!
Blue: Well he IS 5 after all.
(Blink runs in and jumps on the couch in between Blue and Pink)
Blink: Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy!
Both: Hey Blink.
Blink: Watcha doin'?
Blue: We're just... tired.
(Blink just continues to jump on the couch as it cuts to Alice in her apartment watching tv)
Alice: Man, Television is like an escape from reality.
(The television shows Rare nearly naked dancing on a stripper pole)
Rare: (Seductively) Nude is the "new" new.
(Alice's phone rings.)
Alice: (On the phone) Hello?
Pink: Hey Alice, It's Pink.
Alice: What's up?
Pink: Is it alright with you to babysit Blink for the night?
Alice: Sure, I can take care of the little guy.
Pink: Thanks Alice. (hangs up)
(Cuts to Blue and Pink dropping Blink off at Alice's apartment)
Blue: So where are we going?
Pink: I don't know! Just some place where we can have sex!
(Pink picks up a video camera)
Blue: What are you doing?
Pink: (grins) I'm gonna record us making out.
Blue: (becomes very nervous) Uhh, what?
(Cuts to Pink setting up the camera in their bedroom on the dresser, where Pink takes her clothes off.)
Pink: I'm so ready.
Blue: Uhh, so am I?
(They start to make out on their bed)
Pink: Oh yeah! This feels so good!
(They get under the covers and proceed to have sex)
Blue: (thinking) Wow, I never felt so alive!
(THE NEXT MORNING)
(Shows Blue and Pink in bed sleeping)
Blue: (wakes up yawning) Man, last night was amazing...
Pink: And we got all that on tape.
(They notice the tape is missing)
Blue: Pink? Where did you put the tape?
Pink: I thought you had it!
Blue: Why would I have it?! Your the one that recorded it!
(The doorbell rings)
Alice: Blue, Pink, I have Blink with me.
Blue: Err! Coming! (puts some clothes on)
Alice: (Through the door) Is everything okay?
Blue: (finishes putting clothes on) Uhh yes!
Pink: C- Come in!
Alice: (Walks in with Blink) Me and Blinky had a great time last night, we watched movies and played games.
Blink: And tickle fights too! (tickles Alice)
Alice: Yes, but I always won! (Tickles Blink more)
Blue: Uhh yeah, cool....
Alice: (Becomes slightly suspicious) Uh Blink why don't you go to your room, me and your parents need to have an adult conversation.
Blink: Okay. (goes to his room and shuts the door.)
Alice: (To Blue and Pink) Did something weird happen last night? Cause you two look like you killed someone or did something even stranger.
Pink: Well me and Blue had sex last night, and we recorded it! But we lost the Tape!
Alice: (Somewhat shocked) Oh wow! That is big! Maybe someone broke in here last night and took it.
Blue: Well then who could it be?!
Alice: Do you know anyone who just randomly breaks into people's house's for no reason?
Blue and Pink: (sighs) Red?
Alice: What about your friend Rapper, cause I saw Red passed out on my street earlier this morning.
Blue: Uhh, I don't think Rapper's interested into Sex.
Alice: Good point, look I can take care of Blink for the rest of the day while you ask your friends if they went into your house last night and "borrowed" anything.
Blue: Got it, come on Pink! Let's go find the Sex Tape!
Pink: On it! (they both head outside)
(Blue and Pink walk around town to see if anyone took the tape)
Pink: Who do you think might've taken it?
Blue: I dunno, let's keep looking.
(Simon is shown looking on his computer at a coffee shop and he looks like he's hiding something)
Simon: (To Himself) Man I knew coming to a coffee shop was a bad idea, it's too public
Blue: SIMON. (approaches him) HEY!
Simon: (Becomes worried) Oh hey, what are you doing here?
Pink: (grabs his neck) Enough shit talk! Where is the tape?!
Simon: No don't! (Blue looks at his computer and sees many poses of Ponies from MLP: Friendship is Magic) That was a secret!
Blue: Ohh... Wrong tape...
Simon: Fine! I like to stare at ponies and jerk off to them, especially Twilight, that bitch has curves. (Walks away from Blue and Pink)
Pink: Dick! (to Blue) Maybe we should keep looking.
(Molly walks by giggling and is holding something black and rectangular)
Blue: (glares at Molly) HEY! YOU!
Molly: Oh hey Blue and Pink! Today is so funny, especially this morning. (Giggles)
Pink: Enough shit talk! (snatches the tape) WHAT IS ON THIS TAPE?!
Molly: That's not a tape, it's a sex book. (Takes the book back) I'm learning all kinds of new sexual activities to use with Veronica. There's a hand job, blow job, rim job, teabaging…
Blue: Ohh.... Right, sorry for the trouble.. (walks away with Pink)
Molly: You could learn a thing or two from reading this book! (Skips away)
Pink: God damn it! Who could have the tape?!
(Blue gets a text message that says "Loved the video, wish I was like you XD" )
Pink: Who sent that?!
(The number is shown to be Emma's)
Blue: (cracks his knuckles) We have to find her...
(Cuts to Emma's apartment and she's sleeping on her couch, Thomas and Michael are shown eating pizza)
Michael: That was some party.
Thomas: Yeah, and lucky for Emma this was at her place, so now the drunk bitch is at her home, and no one had to drive her home.
Michael: True that.
Pink: (comes in) WHERE IS IT?!
Emma: (Wakes up) What the fuck?
Thomas: What are you two looking for?
Michael: And how did you know of our party?
Thomas: (To Michael) I don't think that's what they were asking. (To Blue and Pink) But seriously what are you talking about?
Pink: Enough shit talk! EMMA! Where is the tape?!
Emma: What tape? (Looks around) Wait, where's my fucking phone!?
Michael: We had a party, someone must of took it.
Emma: Oh shit! (To Blue and Pink and smiles) Maybe if you two find my phone, you'll find the tape!
Thomas: (Deadpanned) And it took you that long?
Pink: Fuck you Emma!
Blue: We don't have time for any of this! We NEED that Tape!
Michael: Maybe there's someone who wants pure revenge against you two or something.
Pink: Who would want revenge against us?!
Emma: An enemy maybe?
Pink: NO! We know you have the tape Emma! Just give it to us and we'll be out of your way.
(The TV is suddenly turned on)
News Reporter: And the big story today is this tape that Rare has gotten of two people having sex for three hours. She hopes to expose it as part of her "sex is for life" campaign.
Emma: Oh man, I remember Rare came to the party and took my phone, that...
Pink: That stupid fucking bitch!
Blue: COME ON! Let's go and find that bitch!
(They storm out as it cuts to Rare out on the street in front of a crowd and surrounded by her bodyguards on a stage)
Rare: (While holding the tape) This tape is proof that sex should be something everyone experiences and something that brings pure joy and happiness to everyone.
(The crowd cheers for Rare)
Rare: And I know you couldn't agree more!
Blue: (storms in front of Rare) STOP ALL THIS RIGHT NOW!!! (to Rare) Listen you, you better give me back what is RIGHTFULLY OURS!
Rare: (Gives Blue and Pink the hand) Look you two, your noises were so obvious and your tape was a perfect way to help my campaign. So I stole the tape, stole some random person's phone and used it to cover it up, now I can use this to make me even more famous! (The crowd cheers and camera flash in front of Rare)
Pink: (shakes in rage) WE DON'T FUCKING CARE! GIVE. US! THE! FUCKING!! TAPE!!! (tries taking it from her)
Rare: Yuck! Guards take them away! (The four bodyguards grab Blue and Pink and drag them away from Rare)
Blue: Wha-?! This isn't fair! SHE STOLE OUR TAPE!
Chad Cop: I just heard the sound of stealing and rage around here. Is everything alright?
Pink: Yeah! That bitch stole our tape! And my friend's phone!
Chad Cop: Oh really?
Rare: Officer, this is for a campaign for the people, and even worse, these people assaulted me, that's an even worse crime!
Chad Cop: But stealing someone's property is disrupting their property of items. (approaches her) I'm afraid your going to have to come with me.
Rare: No I won't! (Slaps Chad Cop in the face) I'm getting out of here. (Has her guards surrounding her and she gets in her helicopter and flies off)
(Chad Cop tases the guards and chases after Rare along with Blue and Pink)
Pink: She's getting away!
Chad Cop: (over transceiver) This is agent CC, we got a stolen tape!
Cops: (over transceiver) Got ya, over and out.
(Rare sits in her helicopter)
Rare: Pilot, if you see anybody coming, just call in my own protection force of military agents to take them down.
Helicopter Pilot: Got it!
(The helicopter continues to fly away)
(Police Helicopters fly behind.)
Cop: Unhand the tape!
Rare: Never! The police can't do shit!
Chad Cop: (gasps) HOW DARE YOU!
(Helicopters fly closer.)
Rare: Cops are so stupid. (Suddenly the helicopter gets hit with a tank)
Chad Cop: Oh shit!
(Rare jumps out with a parachute as the helicopter drops down and explodes)
Rare: Who was the fucking freak who shot me with a tank?
(The Cops pull Rare into their helicopter)
Blue: (takes the tape away from Rare) I'll take that.
Pink: (takes Emma's phone) AND that!
Chad Cop: (arrests Rare) Your under arrest! Oh and by the way! (slaps Rare) That was for slapping a town cop!
Rare: You won't get away with this. (Yells as the helicopter flies off) ALL PEOPLE WILL BE NUDE!!
Alice: (Pulls up in a car with Blink) Hey guys, did you get your tape back?
Blue: We sure did.
Blink: What tape??
Pink: Uhh, a private tape. That your not allowed to watch!
Alice: Well, I called up a friend of yours to help, if you were wondering who the guy in the tank was?
Blue: Uhh, who was that?
(Rapper then appears out of nowhere from the tank)
Alice: This guy, Rapper right?
Rapper: Heh, I hate girls like that bitch.
Rapper: Yeah, shocked?
Alice: So, what do we do with the tape now?
Blue: (looks at Pink) Take it home?
Pink: (seductively) And watch it?
Blue: And do it again maybe?
Alice: Um, so you want me to watch Blink again?
Blue: (still looking at Pink but speaks to Alice) Yeah, maybe for a few more hours...
Alice: Alright, Rapper do you need a ride?
Rapper: Nah, I'll do it how MEN do it! (jumps up buildings)
Alice: (In her head) God, is he like superhuman or something?
(Alice then brings Blink to her car and drives away, it then cuts to Blue and Pink lying in bed.)
Blue: Round 2 was amazing.
Pink: Yeah... (pops head up) Hey Blue? Where did you put the sex tape?
Blue: I thought you had it?
(Blue and Pink stare at the audience.)
- Debut of Rare