|My Pal Roar|
Who's a good doggy?
|Air date||February 21, 2014|
|Other episodes by the author|
Red finds a giant monster at the dump and decides to keep it as a pet.
- Blue (semi-antagonist)
- Professor Stick
- Lord Tourettes
- Wolf (mentioned)
- Fox (mentioned)
(shows a large garbage area, Red is seen digging in the trash)
Red: Hmm, what's it gonna be this time? (pulls out a sock and gasps) I've always wanted one! (digs more and finds a boob album) SWEET! (puts it in his pocket)
(suddenly the earth starts to shake)
Red: Oh god! It's the end of the world! It's the internet's fault for not telling me the truth!
(the trash Red was standing on shakes more, and a giant monster rises from the trash)
Red: What are you?
(The giant monster lets out a powerful long roar at Red)
Red: Aww! Your cute! (pats it's head) Are you lost?
Monster: (roars at Red)
Red: Don't worry puppy! I'll take care of you! What should I name you?
Monster: (roars at Red)
Red: Roar? A perfect name! (cuddles him)
(shows Blue napping in his house, the monster rips the roof off)
Red: SUP BLOSER!
Blue: (shrieks) Red! What the fuck is your- (notices the monster) HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!
Red: It's a pet I found at the dump! His name is Roar! Say hi Roar!
(The giant monster roars at Blue)
Blue: (covered in slobber) GROSS!
Red: Isn't he a cutie?
Blue: Red! We can't have a giant monster in the city! It'll wreck the town!
Red: (gasps) Roar would NEVER do something like that!
(Blue face palms)
Red: Tell ya what? I'll keep an eye on him and we'll have lots of fun.
Blue: (groans) FINE! But I swear to god if he messes ANYTHING up here, he's gone!
(shows Red and Roar walking through the city)
Red: Say Roar? Do you speek English?
Red: No? Don't worry! I know someone who can help!
(cuts to Professor Stick's lab)
Professor Stick: So you want ME to teach this...Thing... how to speak English?
Red: Do it Professor Dick.
Professor Stick: Do not call me that!
Red: Whatevs. Just teach 'em.
Professor Stick: (sighs) Very well. Attention giant monster.
Red: HIS NAME IS ROAR!
Professor Stick: Err, Roar or whatever. Now listen, I'm going to tell you what word means.. (pulls out a chalkboard) The 'Word' is a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning. Words are composed of one or more morphemes and are either the smallest units susceptible of independent use or consist of two or three such units combined under certain linking conditions, as with the loss of primary accent that distinguishes black·bird· from black· bird·. Words are usually separated by spaces in writing, and are distinguished phonologically, as by accent, in many languages.
Professor Stick: (sighs) Guess we'll have to do this the easy way. (flips over the chalkboard to show some letters) Now I want you to try and repeat each letter after me. 'A'
Professor Stick: No, 'A'!
Professor Stick: 'A'...
Roar: ........ 'A'?
Professor Stick: There you go! Excellent! Now let's continue.
(2 HOURS LATER)
Professor Stick: (pants) And so... He's finally learnt all the letters of the alphabet.
Red: You ain't done yet Profaggus Dick, You gotta teach him some words.
Professor Stick: (groans) Very well, but I'm so tired!
Professor Stick: Boy, this may take a while...
(3 HOURS LATER)
Roar: Me... Talk?
Red: Dogs can talk?
Professor Stick: HE'S NOT A DOG! HE'S A-
(Red puts his hand on Professor Stick's mouth)
Red: Don't you dare make him angry Professor Dick!
Professor Stick: Stop calling me-
(they are already gone)
Professor Stick: Why do I even bother?
(Red and Roar run into Lord Tourettes)
Lord Tourettes: Aha! Why hello FUCK FACES!
Red: Hey Roar! This is Lord Tourettes! My 'weird' bud!
Roar: We pray! (jumps up and down flinging Lord Tourettes in the sky)
Lord Tourettes: (screams) SHIT!
Roar: Eeeegh, fun...
Red: Awww! You two are best buds now!
Lord Tourettes: He FUCKED me into the SHITTY air!
Red: He was playing Jumps! Not flings!
Lord Tourettes: Why are you so FUCKING RETARDED?!
Red: Cuz I'm Awesome! (jumps on Roar's head as they walk away)
(Lord Tourettes cries with waterfalls)
Red: Sup Stacy Tracy!
Stacy: Who's Tracy?
Red: I dunno... You Tracy?
Stacy: Naw, I'm a slut.
Red: Yeah rights bitch.
Stacy: (gasps) AWW WHO IS THIS CUTIE?!
Red: This is my pet Roar!
Stacy: Who's a cute wittle doggie?
Roar: DOGGIE?! (screams and jumps repeatedley) ME NO LIKE FURRY!
Red: But you are a dog aren't you?
(Roar runs away, crushing Stacy)
Red: Come back! (runs after him)
Stacy: He must really like me.
(shows Blue walking to his house, but notices half of the house is gone)
Blue: WHAT THE FUCK?!
(shows Roar eating)
Red: Sup Bloser!
Blue: What happened to my house?!
Red: Roar was hungry so I fed him some of your house.
Blue: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
Red: He doesn't like dog food.
Blue: HE'S NOT A DOG!
Red: I also tried cat food.
Blue: LOOK at him! WHAT does he look like eating?!
Red: Umm, crap?
Blue: GOD DAMN IT!
Red: You must be on your periods. (laughs)
(Roar walks away, crushing Blue's house)
Blue: WHAT THE FUCK!?!
Red: He needed to wipe his feet.
Blue: (snaps) THAT'S IT! RED! I WANT YOU TO GET RID OF HIM!
Red: But he's too cute!
Blue: NO! HE'S NOT CUTE! HE'S BEEN CRUSHING THINGS, HURTING PEOPLE AND EATING PROPERTY! HE'S NOT A DOG OR A CUTIE! HE'S JUST A BIG! UGLY! SMELLY!! MONSTER!!!
Red: (looks back) Huh?!
Roar: ME NO MONSTER! (storms the ground in anger and heads towards the city as he roars)
Red: Now look what you did!
Blue: Look what I'VE done?!
(Red drags Blue to the city)
Roar: ME NO MONSTER! ME ANGRY! (crushes buildings)
Stacy: Aww, he came back for me.
(Roar crushes Stacy)
Red: ROAR! STOOOP!
Roar: (turns around and roars at Red) ME NO ROAR! ME ANGRY! (grabs Blue)
Blue: (struggles) Let me go you giant piece of shit!
(Roar lets out an un-human roar at Blue)
Blue: (turns white) Holy shit...
Red: Dude! What are you doing?! This isn't time for games!
Blue: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A GAME TO YOU?!
Red: APLOGISE TO HIM!
Blue: WHY SHOULD I APOLOGISE TO HIM?! HE'S THE ONE WHO WRECKED EVERYTHING!
Red: DO IT BEFORE HE EATS YOU AND MAKE SURE YOU NEVER SEE LIFE AGAIN!!!
Blue: Alright alright! Roar, (breathes in) I'm sorry! I'm sorry for calling you a monster!
Roar: (laughs) ME GOT YOU!
Red: Duuude! He was never heartbroken! It was AALL a game.
Blue: WHAT!?! WHAT ABOUT THE CITY HE ALMOST FUCKING DESTROYED?!
Red: So? It's just a city.
Blue: PUT ME DOWN!
(Roar puts Blue down)
Roar: Man funny.
Red: Well done Roar!
Blue: FUCK YOU! FUCK BOTH OF YOU! I'M GOING HOME! (storms off in a grumpy mood)
Red: That is if you had one genius! (laughs)
Blue: SHUT UP!
(Red notices Roar walking away)
Red: Roar bud! Where ya going?
Roar: Me go home.
Red: But your home is with me!
Roar: No, me live in Trash dump.
Red: (sighs) We had some good times Roar, guess you should probably head home.
Roar: Me still visit!
Red: Yeah! Sometime you should meet my roomate Wolf, and his sexy friend Fox.
(Roar was already gone)
Red: Did Roar turn invisible?