Night of the Ban-SHIT!
The Ban-Shit
I'm Ban-SHIT!!!
Air date 12-19-13
Written by Alpha-LoneWolf and YoshiRocker13
Directed by Alpha-LoneWolf
Location City
Other episodes by the author

The Wolf Samurai

If Dick Figures Episodes Were Real



More heroes appear everyday, but this one has a lot to say.


(Lord Tourettes was skipping through the Park at night)

Lord Tourettes: Aah the stars look soo SHITTY and filled with PISS and I am having the FUCKING time of my SHIT!

(A mugger comes out and points a knife at Lord Tourettes)

Mugger: Give me all your money!

Lord Tourettes: Stay the FUCK away from me!  

Mugger: I said give me all your money now!

Lord Tourettes: (looks in his pocket and pulls a pistol out) No! (shakes) Get the FUCK away from me or I'll use this!

Mugger: (pulls out his gun) just try it!

(Suddenly the Muggler suddenly floats around in love)

Lord Tourettes: What the...?

(the Pink Avenger jumps down and cuts the Muggler in half with her laser)

Pink Avenger: Don't you dare hurt this one again.

Lord Tourettes: Who the FUCK are you?

Pin Avenger: I am the Pink Avenger.

Lord Tourettes: Oh! Thank the FUCK for saving me!

Pink Avenger: All in a days work. You should really find a better way to fight back. (About to leave)

Lord Tourettes: WAIT!

Pink Avenger: (stops and turns) What? What is it?

Lord Tourettes: Uhh, how did you become a heroine? Because I FUCK I want be one.

Pink Avenger: Um, I can't really tell you how i did...

Lord Tourettes: Well I think I want to be a hero too.

Pink Avenger: Are you sure about this? there is no turning back from what you might face.

Lord Tourettes: It sounds fun.

Pink Avenger: Okay. (calls SHH) I need an emergency teleportation for two at my location.

Professor Stick: (on radio) Sending it now.

(both are encased in a light and soon appear at SHH)

Lord Tourettes: Where are we?

Pink Avenger: Welcome to Super Hero Headquarters otherwise known as SHH. FireFox brought me here when I became a heroine.

Lord Tourettes: Interesting! (giggles)

Pink Avenger: Let's get you started

(Lord Tourettes skips into the training room)  

Pink Avenger: Now first off, like my first time, We need you to have a super hero name.

Lord Tourettes: Oh! How about the Ban-SHIT!

Pink Avenger: (felt awkward at the sound of the name) Why would you choose that name may I ask?

Lord Tourettes: I meant the Ban-SHIT! NO! (takes hat off) The ban-SHEE! (puts hat on)

Pink Avenger: Oh, well i guess that can work.

Lord Tourettes: (giggles) What now?  

FireFox: (comes in) Now we find you a super suit. Follow us.

(they head into the weapons room)

Lord Tourettes: Ooh!

FireFox: What do you think would fit Lord Tourettes Pink Avenger?

Pink Avenger: Something green maybe? Something to suit his ability.

FireFox: Well you said his name was Ban... well you know. lets get him a suit that makes it look like he can fly like one.

Lord Tourettes: Interesting!

(they give Lord Tourettes his new suit)

Lord Tourettes: How do I FUCKING look?

FireFox: (tries not to giggle) it's an improvement (whispers to Pink Avenger) and he looks adorable.

Pink Avenger: He looks so cute!  

FireFox: (regains her composure) Okay Lord Tourettes, Now it's time for the simulator.

(Lord Tourettes then walks in to a large empty room)

Lord Tourettes: This room is so FUCKING huge.

Fox: It's supposed to be,. you're going to need a lot of room to move around in.

Lord Tourettes: So what's the first SHIT I must do?

FireFox: (Closes the door and heads into the control room) Fight off the simulation.

(The room then transforms to the roof tops of the city)

Lord Tourettes: So pretty.

(simulated thugs and robber appear to attack)

Lord Tourettes: So what powers do I FUCK!?

FireFox: Remember that your suit enables you to float and fly. You must find out what powers you have and use them on your enemies.

(Lord Tourettes flies over the thugs and robbers thinking of what powers he has)

Lord Tourettes: FUCK!!! (suddenly unleashes a sound wave from his mouth blasting the thugs and robbers away)

Pink Avenger: Good job Ban-shit. now try to see what else you can do in a different situation.

(Ban-shit notices a few people being hurt by robbers)

Ban-shit: Is this my next challenge?

(FireFox places trouble and injured people on different parts of the roof surrounded by robbers and thugs)

(Ban-shit flies up to the roof and knocks the robbers and thugs off the building. He then throws a bunch of magical flowers on the hurt people healing them.

Pink Avenger: Now we know you can heal people.

Ban-shit: With pretty pieces of PISS!

Pink Avenger: (presses a button) Boss battle.

Ban-shit: How about a lullaby? (pulls his accordion out and plays it. Suddenly it lets out a sonic blast the butlers, Bangers and Mash into a wall) Ooh a powerful accordion. (uses his accordion and whips Earl Grey from a distance)

Gerald Butler: You can't defeat me!

(lord tourettes starts to sing a lullaby and starts putting Gerald Bulter to sleep)

(Lord Tourettes lets out a blast from his swear, ending the boss battle)

(FireFox and Pink Avenger end the simulation and come down to Ban-shit)

Ban-shit: How'd I FUCK?

FireFox: Very well done Ban-shit.

Pink Avenger: I think this makes you a certified member of SHH.

Ban-shit: Cool! Very FUCKING cool!

(both the girls take off their masks to reveal their identity to Ban-shit)

Ban-Shit: (gasps) It's FUCK and PISS!

Fox: We know your secret identity, now you know ours. it's a rule for super heroes to know who their friends are.

Ban-shit: Splendid! I can't wait!

Fox: Welcome to SHH. (places her mask back on) now lets go fight some crime.

Ban-shit: (flies out with the girls)

(Lady Tourettes was buying food at the store)

Lady Tourettes: Finally, I got this sweet RAPE for LT's birthday tomorrow.

Robber: (Comes in and points a gun at her) Looks like you have a lot to carry. Let me take your money to help you out.

Lady Tourettes: No! Get the SHIT away from me!

Robber: have it your way. (About to shoot her)

(suddenly the robber falls asleep)

Lady Tourettes: What the...?

(Ban-shit flies around the robber and Pink Avenger cuts the robber in half with her laser before Ban-shit blows it away with his swear)

Lady Tourettes: (notices) Huh?

Pink Avenger: no need for thanks citizen.

Ban-Shit: We're just glad your FUCKING safe.

(Lady Tourettes blushes at the sight of Ban-shit)

Ban-shit: Now you be safe citizen.

(Ban-shit was about to leave until Lady Tourette called for him)

Lady Tourettes: Wait! who the FUCK are you?

Ban-shit: My identity is not suppose to be FUCKED!!!  But other than that...(Turns slightly to look back at her) I'm Ban-SHIT!!!

(Lord takes off into the night sky)


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