Nut Jobs
Nut Jobs
Why do I get stuck with these nut jobs?
Air date 3-22-14
Written by AndrewBrauer, Alpha-Lonewolf, and Df red or blue? (one line)
Directed by AndrewBrauer
Other episodes by the author

Ultimate Motorboat

Booze Cruise

 Wolf and Jade are surprised to learn that they're both working the same job to earn some quick cash, what could go wrong?



(Opens with Jade going to an office)

Jade: (To Office Clerk) Is this the dog walking job I called for?

Office Clerk: You must be Jade then.

Jade: No shit, what do I have to do then.

Office Clerk: Simple, you just walk some dogs for some owners but you'll be with a partner to help you.

Jade: Who?

(Wolf walks in)

Wolf: Aw shit. As if there weren't enough bitches in this place. well at least you don't need a leash.

Store Clerk: You must be Wolf then?

Wolf: And you must be the fag who made me come in for community service?

Store Clerk: I see you must be popular with the community then, you and Jade here must walk these dogs. (Points to five dogs standing next to him)

Wolf: How long is this going to take?

Store Clerk: Whenever they dogs are done doing their business.

Jade: Fuck nuts!

Wolf: Why do I get stuck with these nut jobs?

(Cuts to Wolf and Jade walking the dogs in the park)

Jade: (To Wolf) So what did you do to get community service?

Wolf: I burnt down an animal shelter to roast marshmallows and some hot dogs.

Jade: Well I need some rent money since Jones's black market weapon selling is a little short this month.

Wolf: you know he should invest in selling weapons to war causes. War is always open.

Jade: I'll call that plan b.

(The dogs don't seem to be shitting in the grass)

Jade: This is taking so fucking long, why won't these dogs just shit and get it over with?

Wolf: Let me try. (pulls out a magnum and shoots right next to the dog scarring the shit out of it)

Jade: Wonder if that worked.

(They start to run towards a tree and piss on it)

Jade: Well that answers my question.

(Wolf takes his dogs to piss on the lawn of a privately owned home)

Jade: (Whispers) Whose home is this?

Wolf: The Judge who put me on community service. serves the bastard right.

(One of the dogs takes a shit on the judge's flower bed)

Wolf: Idea time. (scoops one of the shit in a bag and hangs it over the door to set a trap) this will be sweet. (rings the bell and runs to hide with the dogs)

Jade: (While hiding) You are so silly Wolf.

(The judge comes out and has the bag of shit dumped on him)

Judge: God Damn it! I'll get you fucking kids where ever you are!

(Wolf rolls over laughing)

Jade: (Giggles) Okay I admit, that was pretty funny.

Wolf: Vengeance is always funny.

Jade: Okay, well let's finish up with the dogs, and get this shit over with.

(Wolf sees the lawyer who prosecuted against him and unleashes his dogs)

Wolf: Bark bark woof!

(The dogs immediately attacks the lawyer and rips him to pieces)

Jade: Well you must get a lot of people angry then.

Wolf: Only if they piss me off.

Jade: Doggies! (Whistles them back) Good doggies! (Rubs their fur)

Wolf: I heard you are a killer too.

Jade: Yes, but I also teach martial arts to those who want to fight. (She then randomly punches a man and then snaps his neck)

Wolf: Oh, cause I was wondering when you were going to start killing someone. (shoots a cat off a fence making the dogs bark happily)

Jade: I will once this bullshit job is over with. (Grabs a man and slams him to the ground killing him)

Wolf: Okay, I wonder how you would kill someone. (tosses a grenade into a crowd of people crossing a street) maybe I'll show you how I kill people after this.

Jade: Alright we'll do it together then. (Pulls the leashes of the dogs and they continue to walk with Jade and Wolf through the park)

Wolf: Oh I have to warn you about someone first.

Jade: Who? (Pulls out an assault rifle and looks around her)

(Jade is tackled from behind)

Wolf: God damn it not again.

Goldie: (On top of Jade with a rusted knife) STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN BITCH OR I'LL CUT YOU!!!

Jade: (Knocks Goldie off of her) Mind explaining this Wolf!?

Wolf: Psycho fan girl.

Jade: (To Goldie) What do you want!?

Goldie: I want you to stay away from my sexy god of death and war!

Wolf: (facepalms) God help me.

Jade: (To Goldie) Don't worry, I'm not trying to fuck him, we just have to take care of these fucking dogs. (One of the dogs shits in a couple's picnic basket)

Goldie: I think those dogs just made you a home to go to. now back away from my man and fuck off!

Wolf: I'm staying out of this one.

Jade: How about this. (Punches Goldie in the face) Me and Wolf are going to bring the dogs back to the shelter, and then you and Wolf can go do whatever the fuck you want! (Grabs the dogs leashes and proceeds to leave with them)

(Knives fly by and stick into jade's arm)

Goldie: (stands with a crazed look and a knife at her wrist) wrong cunt bitch! it's ME and Wolf! You are going to be a new wall decoration in my house!

Jade: (Pulls out the knives and feels no pain) You really want to mess with me!? (Pulls out assault rifles and knives to attack Goldie)

Wolf: (shakes head) Every time I talk to a girl this happens.

Jade: What about that other crazy girl you know?

Wolf: you mean the idiot?

Jade: Is that her name or is Fifi?

Goldie: Hey Bitch face! You ready to die or what?!

Jade: Just go away, we want to get this job over with.

Goldie: Fuck you! (attacks Jade)

Jade: Suck a dick bitch! (Jumps out and stabs Goldie multiple times with a knife in her chest and blood spews out everywhere)

Goldie: Idiot You got to do better than that! (Makes torrent of blood gush out from her stab wounds and blast Jade against a wall)

Wolf: Small tip, she has unlimited amounts of blood and she likes being cut... also this is kind of turning me on.

Jade: (Gets Up) So what she can't die then!?

Wolf: (shoots her head) Not from stab wounds at least.

Jade: Well thanks for the tip. Let's bring these dogs back. (Grabs the leashes and heads back to the animal shelter with Wolf)

Wolf: Okay you beastiality pet fucker. we finished the job

Store Clerk: Okay, here's your payment. (Gives Wolf and Jade money, they count it and it's five hundred dollars) You can make more by doing this everyday.

Blue: (sees them) Oh, hey guys, what are you up to?

Wolf: Well here is my answer to that. (Puts an ax into the Store Clerk's head)

Jade: Walking dogs and watching them shit!

Wolf: Fuck that. why would I work for money when I can just take it by force? it's a lot more fun and a good way to get a boner.

Jade: Oh right, I forgot this is suppose to be community service for you.

Wolf: damn straight.

Jade: So what now?

Wolf: Fuck do I care. I'm free to go burn down another animal shelter.

Jade: Well I guess I'll join you then, only if that crazy girl doesn't follow us.

Wolf: She's dead for this episode so most likely not.

Jade: I was talking about the other one.

Wolf: well just don't mention that word that rhymes with rookie and we'll be fine.

Jade: Okay. (Pulls out a flamethrower and proceeds to burn down a building with it)

(Wolf starts to shoot incinerator grenades from a grenade launcher)

Jade: Yeah we should have a trigger happy relationship! (Shoots down the people inside with a machine gun)

The End

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