|Once in a Lifetime Opportunity|
"That was for the other day you fucking douche!"
|Written by||Alpha-LoneWolf, CookieEyes, YoshiRocker13, and Fluffydragonpuppy|
|Location||Around the city|
|Other episodes by the author|
Fifi and the Wolf
After Wolf realises that he blew up on everyone in his rage, he goes on a mission to do what he never has done before... apologize
Red: (dancing with girls) You ladies wanna meet a special friend of mine?
(Red suddenly sees Wolf and screams)
Red: (hides behind trash can) DON'T LET HIM BE SHITTY WITH ME!!!
Wolf: Red! come out I need to say something... (shudders) kind.
Red: After what you said to me last time?!
Wolf: Look, Fox told me to say sorry to everyone I yelled at. You should be glad you were first.
Red: (growls and folds his arms) Fucking glad!? HOW DOES THIS MAKE ANYTHING FUCKING GLAD?!
Wolf: come on we're best friends right? Remember the time I took you out to see Pink get her skirt blown up from underneath?
(Flashback to Pink getting her skirt blown up)
Red: (laughs) Nice ass!
Wolf: and that time we blew up that pet orphanage of puppies and kittens?
(Flash back where red pressed a button to blow up a pet shop)
Red: (laughs) Yeah! That was pretty awesome.
Wolf: And I even introduced you to epic drunk party montages.
Red: (snaps out of it) That doesn't change the fact that you said some very bad things to me! (crosses his arms and turns his back away from Wolf) I don't even want to talk about it.
Wolf: Oh like you're one to talk about things that shouldn't have been said or done.
Red: What I never...
(Flashback to when Red called Blue stupid for thinking they were friends)
Red: Well I...
(Another flashback when Red talked about bailing on Blue to finish the quest while he parties out)
Red: Well that was just...
(Shows many other times Red harmed and humiliated Blue for his own idea of fun)
Wolf: And after all that Blue was able to forgive and forget even though you never deserved it.
Red: Alright fine. I guess I can forgive and forget.
Wolf: That's better. (pats Red on the head) Now off to Blue.
(cuts to Blue & Pink in their house, Blue is standing by Pink's door while crying is heard from the other side)
Blue: Pink! Please come out! You've been crying in there since yesterday!
(Pink is seen in her room crying on her bed)
Pink: NO! LEAVE ME ALONE! Why did yesterday have to happen!? I'm not dumb like Stacy! I'm not a fuck nugget! I'M NOT EVEN A MEGA EMASCULATING, BITCH-ZILLA, AIR FUCKING HEADED, SLUT! (continues crying) WHY DID I HAVE TO KISS A FUCKING MONSTER!?!
Blue: Who the fuck said that!?
(Blue is shocked to hear that and becomes very pissed)
(a knock on the door)
Blue: (answers) Hell- (pissed off) WHAT. DO YOU. WANT!?! I'm not even sure if I should let you in after yelling at Pink like that! You know what you said yesterday got her REALLY upset!? OF COURSE YOU FUCKING DON'T!!! ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU TOLD HER ABOUT WHEN SHE KISSED YOU!! FUCK YOU AND HOPE TO GOD YOU NEVER COME NEAR MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN FUCKING CHEESE NUGGET! (slams the door) Fucking asshole!
Wolf: (knocks the door down on Blue and picks up by the neck) LISTEN HERE YOU BAG OF PUSSY PISS! I CAME DOWN TO FUCKING APOLOGIZE TO YOUR SORRY ASS SO YOU BETTER... (calms himself down realizing he was trying to make an acceptable apology) Sorry about that. (brushes Blue off) I just wanted to come apologize to you and Pink for how I acted yesterday.
Blue: (brushes himself and sighs) I fucking doubt that!
Pink: (hears Wolf downstairs and cries even louder)
Wolf: Yeah I would tell you the reason, but I feel that it would make things worse. Let's just say that I was totally out of line about what I said. so how about we put this whole thing behind us and be friends again huh?
Blue: (growls) FINE! But I swear to fucking god If you EVER say anything as bad as that to my family again! (cracks his knuckles) I will fucking kill you...
Wolf: ah, ah, ah, lets not make any promises you might regret.
(shows a few gang members and Bruce heading towards Blue's car)
Blue: HEY! Get away from my car!
Wolf: (nudges Blue out and blocks the door) I need to talk to Pink so stay out there for a while.
Blue: YOU BETTER GIVE HER A VERY FUCKING GOOD APOLOGY! (runs towards the gang member)
Wolf: (comes up to the door Pink was in and knocks) uh, hey in there...
Pink: (cries) GO AWAY!
Wolf: I know I said some things... a lot of things that I shouldn't have said in a rude way.
Pink: (sniffs) But wh- why did you have to do that!?
Wolf: I was in a uncontrollable rage. I couldn't control it even if i wanted to... if it makes you feel any better, you are a great kisser. (waits for a response until saying) can you come out so I can give a appropriate apology?
(Pink hesitates, but she gets off her bed, still shedding some tears and opens the door for Wolf)
Wolf: Um, well i am not good with this kind of stuff but I'll just wing it. (Breathes in) I'm sorry... really sorry for what I said. I know you never deserve to be treated like that or spoke to in such a way. I could say so much worse about myself than what I said to you except it would be true about myself. (laughs a bit at himself)
Pink: (sniffs and smiles a bit) Gee, thanks Wolf... But how on earth were you in Blue's body when I kissed you?
Wolf: Hell if I know. one moment we were in our own bodies and the next i was in Lieutenant Blue Balls body. but i can say it was worth it if you don't mind me saying so. (chuckles) and at least you got a kick of adventure too. sooo... am I forgiven? (gives a sheepish grin)
Pink: (sighs and smiles) Alright Wolf, I forgive you. But what if it happens again?
Wolf: Next time you will run for the hills if you see me like that again.
Blue: (walks upstairs) I hope you gave Pink a good apology.
Blink: (looks upstairs) I remember that green man...
Blue: (shocked) WHAT!?
Wolf: oh hey little bro.
Blue: How do you two know each other!?
Wolf: This kid was being picked on at school by some bullies. but they won't try to bother him again (Gives a mischief chuckle)
Blue: (glares) You killed those kids didn't you... Well at least Blink was safe.
Wolf: Of course i killed those kids. Now no one else will try to pick on Blink again. The kids say a wolf ghost protects him at school.
Pink: (laughs) Thanks a lot Wolf.
Blue: Well I caught those gang members, Rapper was able to finish them off.
Bruce: Can't a guy steal a car!? (notices Wolf) YOU! (tries to attack him)
Blue: (holds back) Dude chill! What did he do to piss you off!?
Bruce: WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I TELL YOU!?
Wolf: Thanks for distracting Blue Bruce. (leaves)
Bruce: Fuck you.
Wolf: Of course you would fag. (laughs as he walks away)
(Lord Tourettes was eating ice cream on a park bench)
Wolf: (comes up behind to grab his shoulders and shout) SURPRISE LORD SWEARY!!!
Lord Tourettes: (screams) FUCK NUTS!!! (shivers) Get away from me FUCK FACE!!!
Wolf: Hey come on don't be like that. I know i was way out of line yesterday and you didn't mean to say that stuff to piss me off.
Lord Tourettes: But you said worse SHIT to me!
Wolf: (scratches the back of his head) Yeah and I know you won't understand the reason why I said it so I
think I should just apologize.
Lord Tourettes: (cheers up) Splendid! An apology is a wonderful SHITTY FUCKING SHIT TO SAY DICK!!! (covers his mouth)
Wolf: (Laughs) It's okay LT. Just try to ignore me if you see me in a foul mood again. I still like to hear you swear at people like at the book store we went through once.
Lord Tourettes: (pats Wolf's back) That was a SHITTY day! (giggles) Well, ta-ta! (skips away)
(Steve at the park with Holly)
Holly: Steve, where have you been?
Steve: I got into some, (sniffs) trouble with Wolf again.
Holly: Oh great! With what!?
Steve: Holly, do you think I'm a walking pile of shit?
Holly: No- (realises) Wait, DID WOLF SAY THIS TO YOU!? What else did he say?!
Steve: Okay, here's what happened.
(4 MINUTES LATER)
Steve: And I just ran off.
Holly: WHAT!?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM!?! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SAID THAT TO YOU! Well, to answer your question, no. You are not a walking pile of shit.
Wolf: (Comes up behind them) Sup dude and dudette?
Steve: Wha-!? Get away from me!
(Holly gives Wolf a death glare)
Wolf: Okay you... (points to Steve) keep calm and you (Points at Holly) stick a cork in it. I have something to say to Steve.
Holly: STICK A CORK IN-!? hO-HO YOU'LL BE THE ONE HAVING A CORK DOWN YOUR BIG A-
Steve: (covers Holly's mouth) Easy Holly, what do you want?
Wolf: I came to say I was out of line the other day... way out of line to be exact. I wanted to come to apologize.
Steve: AND your sorry for calling me a walking pile of fucking shit?
Wolf: Well pretty much whatever i said at all. I can't really remember what it was i said.
Holly: Well I do! You-
Steve: (covers Holly's mouth) Err, all is forgiven. I think Holly wanted to know why you said that to me.
Wolf: Well i can see that whatever I say next about that will turn her into a rage which will be bad for her. So lets just say that i saw the light after Fox helped me out.
Holly: GOOD! Because if you yell at Steve again! I will-
Steve: Err, how about we go to the movies?
Holly: Fine. (they walk away)
Wolf: (Whispers to himself) man she's a bitch.
Holly: I HEARD THAT!
(Stacy was drinking at a bar depressed)
Stacy: And we fucked and hang out every time. (drinks)
Wolf: (sits on a stool next to her) I'll have a bloody Mary. Make sure it's blood from a girl named Mary
Stacy: (notices) Wolf?
Wolf: Uh, no. I am... Bob from... the bank.
Stacy: Oh, sup Bob. (drinks beer)
Wolf: So why are you drinking?
Stacy: Because. (sighs) I'm depressed. Some guy named Wolf said mean words to me. (drinks her vodka)
Wolf: Well why do you care if he said that stuff? you still have Red right?
Stacy: I KNOW I still have Red, but he still didn't have to be so rude to me!
Wolf: So stop worrying about this Wolf guy no matter how much he kills, or how much he likes to party, or only had sex with you that one time. He is just a cold heartless guy that doesn't need your attention. You don't need him when you have Red right?
Stacy: Yeah! You're right Bob! Hey speaking of Reddy, I'm gonna go find him. (drunkenly walks away) I'm 'REDDY' to find you Red.
Wolf: (talks to self) Thank God I finally got her off my back about that sex thing now.
(Wolf later comes to the cafe)
Wolf: Oh boy, how do you apologize to people you never really met yet?
(Wolf looks around for either Charlotte or Madelene)
(Scarlet is seen playing jump rope in front of the cafe.)
Wolf: (took a deep breathe) Don't try to scare her. (walks up to Scarlet) Excuse me, don't run away. I need
your help uh... little girl.
(Scarlet stops jump roping and stares at him.)
Wolf: look, I know I may look scary, but work with me here. I need to find a girl with a red streak of hair and a girl with curly hair and and a bow on her pony tail on top of her head.
(Scarlet takes out a piece of chalk and writes on the ground: "You mean my mom and her friend?")
Wolf: Uh I guess so. Can you show them to me (jokes) or would you like to draw me a map?
(Scarlet writes "My mom is inside her room upstairs. Some mean racist man made her cry. And Charlotte's inside too, but after getting yelled at by the same man, she keeps stabbing the front counter with her big knife.")
Wolf: (speaks to himself) I guess i made a hell of an impression. (thanks Scarlet and gives her a roll of hundred dollar bills) Don't worry, they are real. (wolf goes upstairs first knowing he had a better chance to stay alive to make his next apology)
(Wolf looks inside the room)
(Inside Madelene's room, Madelene is still crying on her bed.)
Madelene's Mom: Forget about that guy. People can be huge dicks, especially men. It's the way the world goes.
Madelene: B-But I just d-d-d-d-don't understand! Why are people so cruel to other races? Why are people so careless to even say their sorry for bumping into one another and spilling their drink? WHY DO PEOPLE CALL POOR PIGEONS "RATS WITH WINGS"?! (buries her face with her pillow)
(Wolf hides outside but makes a throat clearing sound for the mother to hear)
(Madelene's Mom opens a window to look around.)
Wolf: (comes out) Uh... I don't really know how to say this miss...
Madelene's Mom: Who are you? What is your business? Can't you see we are closed?
Wolf: it concerns your daughter and that man who made her cry.
Madelene's Mom: Well then talk! If you know that man, tell him that nobody yells at MY daughter while I'm still
Wolf: (hesitates) I uh.. am that man. (then quickly gives a response) But There is a reason why!
(Madelene's Mom gives him a real death glare, but let's him talk.)
Wolf: Look I know that it isn't a reason you could understand. I am a violent person and pain is one thing to piss me off sometimes. (wolf starts off with)
Madelene's Mom: So you inflict pain on others?! Boy, you are a, how do you say, dick!
Wolf: Look I didn't mean it. I just go off crazy when i get pissed. I would have never said that stuff if i could even remember what I said. Is there a way, without killing myself, to make it up to your daughter... and i don't mean anything sexual.
(Madelene's Mom thinks for a moment.)
Wolf: I am truly sorry.
Madelene's Mom: Do you bake?
Wolf: (chuckles nervously) I've baked people. does that sort of count?
Madelene's Mom: Absolutely not!
Wolf: Well i think i can learn quick after how many people I've fried before.
Madelene's Mom: Just go bake a cake without any human parts!
Wolf: what should i make?
Madelene's Mom: ANYTHING CAKE-RELATED! JUST NO BLOOD!
Wolf: Okay. got to make that a note.
(Wolf begins baking a cake. At first Wolf had a rough time with ingredient but soon go the hang of it and when he was done, he had made an Eiffel Tower cake saying Le Viva France and it's lovable pigeons)
Wolf: how is that?
Madelene's Mom: Good! Just put it on the front counter inside. I'll tell Madelene there is a surprise downstairs. (closes the window)
(Wolf places the cake carefully down on the counter inside)
Wolf: I hope this at least will make us neutral acquaintances.
Madelene's Mom: Well, that depends. (points to the stab marks) See these here?
Wolf: let me guess. target practice of me?
Madelene's Mom: You're smart.
Wolf: Nothing new to me really. It happen from time to time, but mostly with bullets.
Madelene's Mom: Do you know how to deal with homicidal people like her?
Wolf: (hesitates) Yes but it doesn't end well for them. got any tips to settle it peacefully?
Madelene's Mom: I could go with you.
Wolf: that will help (places a band around the wrist and gives a button to Madelene's mother)
Madelene's Mom: The fuck is this for?
Wolf: in case i start to say something stupid, push the button and it will zap me.
Madelene's Mom: (interested) Ohoho! This will be good.
Wolf: it's a win, win for me. I love this certain type of pain and I will be able to stop from ruining this chance.
Madelene's Mom: Very well. (calls to the kitchen) Hagistaine! Get out here!
(Charlotte comes out covered in raspberry jelly.)
(Wolf comes out from behind the cake with a nervous smile and presents the cake)
(Charlotte immediately charges for Wolf, but Madelene's mother stops.)
Wolf: Wait a mintue! I came to give a peace offering I made! It took me a god da...
(Madelene's Mom presses the button.)
Wolf: GAH!!! (holds in the pain) that stung but it felt good. Ahem, what I meant to say was I am truly sorry for what I said to you and your country... and pigeons. I baked this cake for you as a peace offering to make us neutral acquaintances. I know I was in every way wrong to treat you the way i did and if it means anything now, the fault was all mine for bumping into you and i humbly request your forgiveness.
Charlotte: YOU DIDN'T SAY A FUCKING THING ABOUT COUNTRIES OR PIGEONS TO ME YOU FUCKING DICKBRAIN!
Madelene's Mom: (presses the button) That's not my daughter.
Wolf: (Curses himself in pain) Sorry i don't really know who is who! it's not like we've been introduced yet!
(Madelene walks downstairs sniffling.)
Wolf: I hope you heard that apology uh... what's your name?
Madelene: (sniffs) M-Madelene...
Wolf: yeah Madelene. (walks up to Madelene and hold out a bat for her)
Madelene: W-What's this?
Wolf: I'm afraid that apology won't work this time so hit me in the head with the bat instead. Don't worry, I won't strike back.
(Madelene hesitates but still takes it.)
Charlotte: (takes out her big knife) Can I join?
Wolf: Madelene first then you.
Charlotte: (groans) FINE!
(Madelene raises the bat, but before she hits him, it cuts to outside where Scarlet is playing with three blue, purple, and grey pigeons with a green woman holding a bird cage watching them happily. The sounds of the bat hitting Wolf can be heard though.)
(after each hit Wolf tries to hold in the pain)
Wolf: Oh yeah! that felt good!
Wolf: Okay that hurt but I'm okay.
Wolf: No pain no gain!
(Whack) Wolf: I hope his is making you feel better Madelene cuz I'm having a ball.
(Raccoon was sitting in his house meditating)
Raccoon: Inner peace.... Inner peace...
Wolf: Oh boy. (knocks on his door)
Raccoon: Come in Worf-San.
Wolf: (comes in) well so far so good
Raccoon: Take a seat.
Wolf: (Sits in front of Raccoon) Well you seem to be taking my presence real...
(Raccoon Whacks Wolf over the head with a staff)
Raccoon: That was for the other day you fucking douche!
Wolf: (Rubs his head) Spoke too soon.
Raccoon: And dere is prenty more where that came from!
Wolf: Okay i get it. now can we act civilized instead of like animals?
Raccoon: (glares at Wolf) Alright-a, I can aready terr your going to aporogise to me, but I swear, if you-a
ever say that-a to me again. (pulls his staff out) I will..
Wolf: Yeah, yeah. you are going to hit me with the staff again oh great master. (hit in the head again) AUGH!
Raccoon: Now begone! (Raccoon pushes Wolf out and closes the door)
Wolf: What an old kook. (that staff comes through the paper door and hits Wolf in the head) OW!
Raccoon: Show more respect for you master!
Wolf: Okay! (gets hit in the head again) DAMN IT! what was that for?
Raccoon: Because I fert rike it.
Wolf: (sees Emily crying in the park) Damn she's still there?
(Emily sniffs, turns around and sees Wolf. She growls and throws a rock and Wolf in anger before getting back on the ground.)
Wolf: (catches the rock) nice throw.
Emily: (crying) Go away, Wolf!
Wolf: I guess saying sorry won't do any good then would it?
Emily: You'd never do that!
Wolf: I've done a good job... (corrects himself) barely a good job so far with the others.
Emily: (gets up and walks to Wolf) So they accepted your apology?
Wolf: yeah, somewhat they did.
Emily: (hesitates) ...So, what do you have to say about what you said to me earlier?
Wolf: Uh... sorry about that? what do you want from me?
Emily: And do I have a tiny peck of a vagina?
Wolf: Did i say that?
Emily: Yes. You also said that you think I'm a big bad little bitch that thinks she can get whatever she wants just as long as I spread my legs to get fucked in both holes!
Wolf: (tries not to laugh) Woah sorry about that. Look I'll do... (think about what he is about to say) anything that doesn't include embarrassing myself or you pissing or shitting on me or my clothes or home.
Emily: Well then you owe me a gallon of Hawaiian Punch, lessons in how to be a good killer, an ice cream, getting your hat to not attack me, and... I think that's it.
Wolf: well at least those are small favors. (Shoots at a truck driver to stop nearby with a load of gallons of Hawaiian Punch) That's one.
Emily: Yeah, everything else involved pissing or shitting... (giggles and starts to drink some Hawaiian Punch)
Wolf: Would you like me to cripple the real Broseph for dumping you?
Emily: Only if I can pee and shit on his corpse afterwards.
Wolf: Okay (shoots out a grapple gun and pulls Broseph over)
Broseph: Dude what the hell?
(Wolf breaks both his knee caps)
Emily: (laughs maniacally while pissing and shitting on Broseph) That's what you get for breaking up with me, Broseph!
Broseph: Augh! why!?
Wolf: because it's fun to have revenge.
Emily: And because I had to go.
Wolf: So I guess I'm forgiven.
(Emily smiles, laughs, and playfully punches Wolf in the arm)
(Trollz0r is at the Arcade)
Trollz0r: (Aww Yea Face) Aww yeah! Hi-Score in here!
Wolf: (Behind Trollz0r) I bet I can score higher.
Trollz0r: (growls and ignores him)
Wolf: Giving me the silent treatment I see. Well I guess I won't tell you the secret of how I win every match in Flame Wars since we're not friends anymore. (going to leave)
Trollz0r: (pops head up with Challenge Accepted) What?
Wolf: You know how I easily beat you and everyone else easily in Flame Wars. I was going to give my good friend my secret but since we are not friends anymore I'll just have too...
Trollz0r: (forever alone face) Your attitude yesterday was hurtful!
Wolf: Well i got a reason for that but that will only make things worse. so how about I give you my secret as an apology?
Wolf: Okay remember that machine we made to enter games with?
Wolf: I use that to put myself in the game.
Trollz0r: (OMG Rage Face) Whaaaaaa?
Wolf: Now I can give you your very own copy of the machine (hands over the machine)
Trollz0r: (happy crying face) This is it! A new moment in my gaming is about to begin!
(Wolf Comes back to his home where Fox was waiting)
Fox: Well? how did it go?
Wolf: Some great, (rubs his head) some not so great.
Fox: But you made up with everyone?
Wolf: Yep... mostly.
Wolf: Well we'll see what happens after Stacy sobbers up. But Hopefully she learned not to care about what I said because she has Red.
Fox: (hugs Wolf) You are a such a good person.
Wolf: (Rolls eyes) At least for today it is. This will never happen again for me to apologize.
Fox: (Chuckles) A once in a liftime opportunity.
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