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Love with Kill
Steve & Holly have their holiday ruined when they are captured by pirates. How will they escape from the scurvy dogs?
(the boat H.M.S. Tragedy 2 is sailing along the sea. Holly is looking out from the front of the boat)
Holly: (wind blowing) Aah this is nice.
Steve: (walks in from right) Whatcha up to baby?
Holly: Thanks for this great cruise for my birthday, Steve.
Steve: (blushes) I just wish I could give you something better.
Holly: Oh you.
(they lean in to kiss when they hear an explosion)
Steve: What was that!?
Holly: Shit! The ship's sinking!
Steve: We're gonna die!
(most people fall off the boat in pain)
Holly: Huh. No wonder it's called H.M.S. Tragedy.
Holly: Oh god.
(the two jump off the boat and into the water)
Holly: (shivers) The water's so cold!
Steve: Come here!
(Holly swims into Steve's arms and gets warmer. They hear a bell)
Holly: What was that?
Steve: A ship???
(they spot a pirate ship with the words Ye Boat of Death. Steve & Holly look at each other with nervous looks)
Captain: Ahoy! You down there! Lost dogs at sea!
Captain: (lowers his hand) Yarr never fear. Here to help.
Holly: Aww why thank yo-
Steve: (covers her mouth) Actually we're trying to find our way home.
Captain: Oh really? Well we don't help. Right maties?
Steve: Oh so we'll just keep on-
Captain: Not so fast scurvy dogs! Where you goin'?
Holly: TRYING TO FIND OUR WAY HOME! DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND YOU RETARDS?!
Captain: (prepares cannon) Watch it bitch.
(the captain fires his cannon which hits Holly's back as pirates kidnap Steve)
(the screen goes black and comes back showing the two in a cell)
Holly: (gets up) What?
Steve: (groans) Where are we?
Bitchess: (in another cell) Dumbasses. Your on a ship!
Steve: Who... are you?
Bitchess: Bitchess you son of a cock.
Holly: What is wrong with you?!
Bitchess: You bitch.
Pirate: (points sword at Bitchess) Oy! No talking scurvy bitch.
Bitchess: Scurvy bitch? That's you fucktard.
Pirate: SHUT UP!!!
Bitchess: You first.
Holly: Look! A key! (notices a key on the pirate's back. She quickly grabs it when the pirate walks past her) Got it! (unlocks the door)
(Steve kicks the pirate out the window and into the water)
Bitchess: Nice move dick.
Steve: (glares) I think I'll leave you behind because of your attitude!
Bitchess: (kicks door open) That's fine.
Steve: (amazed) How... did you do that?
Bitchess: I'm a straight up bitch. What'd you expect?
(pirates run in)
Pirate: Kill the dogs!
Bitchess: (stabs pirate) For you retard.
(Steve begins fighting off the pirates while Holly stabs a couple with her sword)
Steve: (steals sword from pirate) Let's get them!
Bitchess: That's what we're doing bitch!
Holly: (pants) That's all of them!
(as they run up, they run into the Captain)
Captain: Leaving the pirate party?
Bitchess: More like a fucking prison dickhead.
Steve: Let us through!
Captain: (pulls out sword) Only if you can defeat me!
Steve: (pulls out sword) You and me. Bring it!
(they begin sword fighting. They keep slashing each other's sword until Steve cuts the rope causing the sail to fall on the captain. He gets up and throws his anchors at Steve)
Steve: (dizzy) Aah shit! (faints)
Holly: STEVE NO! (aids him)
Bitchess: Some jackass you are.
Captain: Hah! I win!
Bitchess: (slaps him) LET US THROUGH NOW OR.... You don't wanna know.
Bitchess: (fires cannon at Captain and he falls in the water where sharks eat him) That
Steve: (groans) Is he dead?.
Bitchess: Yeah, no thanks to you.
Steve: (groans) Holly I'm so sorry your birthday was ruined.
Holly: It's alright. As long as your safe. (to Bitchess) Thanks for helping us.
Bitchess: Thank me later bitch. (jumps off boat)
Steve: Wow. What a bi-