Season 3, Episode 10
34. Playmates (3)
Air date 7/11/14
Directed by IONIXMUSIC
Episode guide
Blue and Red: Uh...
Loophole Ouroboros



(Derek and Red sit down at the table, to Blue's discomfort.)

Blue: So, how's it goin', Derek?

Derek: Pretty good, just got back from an operation in South Africa, had to save a group of kids from Islamic terrorists. Those bastards, thinking in their tiny minds that they can just drop in on any situation and make it their own? Damn those ugly demons...

(Pink and Blue stare at Derek in awe.)

Blue: ' do you do anything other than kill people?

(Derek scoffs.)

Derek: Of course I do.

Pink: Like what?

(Derek pans over at Blue and Pink nervously, and finally caves.)

Derek: *sigh*...I do ballet.

Red: You do WHAT?!

Pink: That's awesome!

Blue: Oh my god...that is fucking hilarious!

Derek: It's not funny! It's- wait Pink, did you say it's awesome that I'm doing ballet?

Pink: Yeah! You should join my ballet class! There's plenty of guys there, too.

Derek: Sounds great!

Blue: Pink, you are not signing Derek up for your ballet class, what if he destroys the whole thing?!

Pink: Ugh, I'm tired of your shit, Blue! All you do is try to push me down from what I love and what other people love! Also, you're a huge discrimitory jackass! You assholes can stay here, I'm going with Derek. See you guys later.

(Pink and Derek get up and walk out of the diner.)

Red: Man, what a bitch.

(Blue punches Red in the arm.)

Blue: Shut up, dude! With any chance I just lost my girlfriend!

Red: *pfft*! Yeah, I wonder why.

Blue: Oh, now you know everything, don't you?

Red: I know that you are a huge douche to every one you know!

Blue: What?! Say five examples of me being a douche!

Red: Right then to Derek, Just a little bit ago to Pink, about an hour ago to me, a few days ago to Kaleb at that party, and basically of middle school!

Blue: Middle school?! Cop-out much?!

(Red screams.)

Red: You know what, forget it! I'm tired of all the bullshit I had to put up with this evening, and every other asshole thing you've ever done! We are never being friends again until you stop being an asshole! Until then, I'm staying as far away from you as possible!

Blue: Good! Fuck you! I'm sick of you being drunk all the time!

Red: At least I'm considerate of other people's feelings.

Blue: You were laughing at Derek with me!

Red: Yeah, so Pink could break up with you! That's another thing, you're always fucking around with Pink!

Blue: Well, why don't you love your girlfriend?!

Red: I do!

(Blue and Red go silent)

Red: I give her time to be herself. Develop, and grow as a mature adult. You treat Pink like a sex doll, always wanting and willing to give. Your a sick person, Blue. I don't ever want to see you again.

(Red walks off towards the apartment, and Blue walks off, towards a lake to ponder.)

Blue: I guess I'm a huge asshole...

O: No your not, man.

Blue: Who said that?

O: Down here.

(Blue looks down to see O sitting on his lap.)

Blue: Who are you?

O: My name is O. I'm here to give you some advice.

Blue: I don't need advice.

O: Oh, come now. Everyone needs advice now and then.

Blue: Alright, what do you have to say?

O: Listen close, young man. You are not a total asshole. Everyone around you is an asshole.

Blue: Not everyone, I have some friends that-

O: Heh, sorry buddy, you don't have friends. If I recall correctly, Pink and Red are telling how much of a douche you are to everyone they know right now. So you're out of luck in the friend department.

Blue: So...what can I do?

O: It might seems weird at first, but you can join me and my elven friends in a lovely little village!

Blue: But I'm not an elf.

O: Would you want to be?

Blue: If it means complete and total disconnection from the human-social dogma, yes.

O: Right-O!

(O shoots Blue on the forehead, and Blue shrinks down to O's size.)

Blue: Well, this is neat.

O: Okay, before we venture down to the cave, remember to act natural. The elves are easily scared by newcomers. Come along.

(O leads Blue to a tiny hole on the bottom of a large hill. O knocks on the hill.)

O: Open up!

(A guard walks up to the hole from the inside.)

Guard: Who goes the-Oh, O! Come on in!

(O lifts open the hole, and let's Blue get a nice, long view of the village. Hundreds of tiny elves living in peace together, playing and having a good time. The houses are humble, made of several types of wood, and the entire ground is grassy plain.)

Blue: Wow, this place is amazing!

O: Whaddya say, would you like to stay here?

Blue: Would I? This place is amazing!


(The elves start cheering, running over and picking up Blue.)

Blue: I can get used to this.


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