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Rare's Cookie Monster
Fifi and Rare
I'm going to be a cookie general. I'm going to be a cookie general.
Air date 5-6-14
Written by AndrewBrauer & Alpha-Lonewolf
Directed by AndrewBrauer
Other episodes by the author

A Rare Thing to Please

Fifi's Fans

 Fifi has come to stay with Rare after she makes a music video about cookies, this can't go well for Rare.

Characters

Transcript

(Opens with Rare driving in her red sports car and she pulls into her mansion)

Rare: That was some work I had to do today, with that whole stupid Cookie music video, yuck!

(Flashbacks to Rare dancing with men in Cookie costumes)

Rare: (Singing) I love cookies, and you'll love cookies too!

(Back to the present, Rare walks into her mansion and sits on her couch and closes her eyes, Rare then hears a breathing sound after closing her eyes)

Rare: Ew! Someone is breathing on me.

(Rare opens her eyes to see Fifi staring over her face to face)

Rare: (Surprised) Who the fuck are you? And how did you get in here!?

Fifi: I thought this was a cement factory.

Rare: What do you want!? (Fifi recognizes Rare from the "Cookie's Love Me" music video)

Fifi: Are you the cookie fairy from the magic box?

Rare: What are you talking about?

Fifi: I saw a cookie fairy on a magic box that sang about cookies

Rare: You must be talking about a cartoon or something. (Thinks to herself) I hope she's not talking about me.

(Fifi pulls out a cookie and places it in front of Rare's face)

Rare: What do you want me to do with this cookie?

Fifi: (somehow realizes Rare was the one that sung the song and screams real loud to make Rare's ears bleed) AIEEEEEEEEE!!!

Rare: (Covers her ears) What the fuck is your problem!?

Fifi: (hugs Rare while cracking some of her bones) You are the Cookie Fairy! I'm going to stay with you forever!

Rare: (In some pain) Stop, your hurting me!

Fifi: (let's go) Make me a cookie general!

Rare: How about you leave, NOW!

Fifi: Okay (leaves in a hurry)

Rare: Wow, that was easy. (Rare goes out and sits in her hot tub relaxing)

(She then hears a crashing sound in the living room)

Rare: (Yells) Who's there!?

Fifi: It's your cookie general Fairy of cookies!

Rare: What are you still doing in my home!?

Fifi: I'm going to live here like you said

Rare: (Gets out of her hot tub) I didn't say that you can live here!

Fifi: you said to get out. that meant you wanted me to get my stuff to live with you cookie queen.

Rare: (Frustrated) No I didn't! Now get yourself and all your shit out of my mansion!

Fifi: I'm going to be a cookie general. I'm going to be a cookie general.

(Rare faceplams)

Rare: You should be a cookie general in your own cookie land, okay!

Fifi: I am in cookie land because you are the fairy of cookies.

Rare: Then what do you want from me then!?

FifiL To live here forever and forever and forever and forever...

Rare: No you won't, we're going to find… (Thinks for a second) My cookie prince!

(Fifi's pupils enlarge)

Rare: (Slowly) He lives in the woods, far away from where I live, and you have to get in my car and we have to get there, understand?

Fifi: Okay! (jumps into Rare's car and drives in reverse wrecking the inside of Rare's home)

Rare: Hey! I'll drive, move over! (Pushes Fifi to the passenger seat and proceeds to drive onto the main road)

Fifi: (hops around the inside of the car and climbing across Rare to look out her window) I'm a puppy! NEIGH!!!

Rare: Move out of my WAY! (Nearly hits their car by an oncoming eighteen wheeler truck)

Fifi: (waves at the truck as it passes) Hi Mr. truck man!

Rare: (Pushes Fifi back to the passenger seat and puts her seatbelt on) Stay in your seat! We're not even in the forest yet!

(Fifi Starts singing "The Song That Never Ends" out loud)

Rare: (Angry) Can't you ever shut up!?

Fifi: I can sing One Million Jars of Cookies on the Wall.

Rare: Don't! Just stare at the window or something.

Fifi: (Stares out her window and starts shouting what she sees) I see a sign! I see a car! I see a dog! I see a mailman! I see another car! I see a tree! I see a car! i see a car! I see a car! I see a...

Rare: (Thinks to herself) This crazy chick will be out of my life soon. (Starts to drive into the woods)

(Fifi continuing to shout what she sees which is mostly trees)

Rare: Look, it's all trees, nothing else, alright!

(Fifi starts shouting out all the rocks she sees)

Rare: (Sighs) I need to stop and get some gas.

Fifi: I got plenty. (farts a bit) where do you need it?

Rare: Retard, I meant that I have to pull over and get some gas.

(Pulls into a nearby gas station)

Rare: Don't try any stupid shit! (Gets out of the car and goes inside the gas station)

Fifi: Don't worry I won't do anything stupid. Tee hee.

(Rare puts the gas pump in her gas tank)

Rare: (To herself) This will be over soon, don't worry.

Fifi: Ooh! what does this do? (turns on the car while Rare still pumps gas)

Rare: Fifi, turn off the car!

Fifi: Hey, there is a button on the floor. (Presses down on the gas pedal)

Rare: Don't you… (Suddenly has gas splattered all over her)

Fifi: Tee hee. You are all wet.

Rare: (Wipes the gas off her) What did I just tell you?

(Fifi thinks back, in Fifi's memory)

Rare: Fifi, you are my best friend and I love you.

Fifi: Yay! Best friends!

Rare: Do whatever you like and I will give you a cookie.

(Back to reality)

Fifi: Mmm cookies.

Rare: You have no idea what I said, do you?

Fifi: Apples taste better with honey.

Rare: (Faceplams) Just don't do anything else for the rest of the ride, okay?

Fifi: Okay! Watch me push this button! (Pushes down on the lock button while Rare was still outside) Beep goes the weasel.

Rare: (Grins and fake laughs) Funny, now let me in.

Fifi: What's the password, you might be a stranger.

Rare: How can I be a stranger when it's my car?

Fifi: You might be in costume pretending to be the cookie fairy.

Rare: (Sighs) Okay, If I'm not the cookie fairy, wouldn't I not be carrying cookies? (Pulls out a big cookie)

Fifi: (eyes widen and sparkle) Ooooh cooookies. (kicks and breaks the door off the car) Gimme!

Rare: Alright, just sit down in the passenger seat, and let me drive to the location, then this cookie is yours, got it?

Fifi: okay.

Rare: Good. (Rare gets back in and drives with Fifi)

Fifi: (singing) Cookies are awesome, cookies are cool. cookies i eat them all and my mouth begins to drool. I out it in my hand and then eat them with my teeth. then i can taste them and say neat, neat, NEAT!!!

(Rare sighs as thunder is heard and it starts to rain)

Rare: I better get the top up. (Pushes a button as the top of the car pulls up and covers them)

Fifi: (sings)It's raining it's snoring. the old man is boring!

Rare: Stop it please, it's getting dark and it's raining like crazy!

Fifi: Crazy is what crazy does.

Rare: (Frustrated) Which is what you are!

Fifi: I'm crazy?

Rare: (Sarcastic and turns her head to Fifi) Noooo!

Fifi: Yay I'm not crazy!

(Rare parks the car outside a cabin)

Rare: Alright, we're here. (Pulls out the big cookie) You will get your cookie and your cookie prince, if you go into that cabin, got it?

Fifi: Hey what is a prince doing in Wolfy's home?

Rare: You just have to find out. (Throws the cookie at the cabin and Fifi chases after it as Rare drives away fast)

(Fifi eats the bag of cookies on the porch until Wolf opens the door to see her)

Wolf: What are you doing here?

Fifi: (Pauses eating cookies to think) Uh. I don't know.

(Fifi hands Wolf a note that says "You are now the cookie prince, enjoy" )

Wolf: (smells the note and catches Rare's scent) Oh hell no.

(later back with Rare at her home)

Rare: (On the phone) Look, you better not get me into anything else that involves the word "Cookie" got it!? (Puts her cellphone away and lays down on her deck to get a tan)

(Soon a shadow comes over her as a huge blimp hovers over her home)

Rare: (Angry) Who the fuck is blocking my sun!? (Gets up)

Wolf: (from the blimp) I'm returning a package to it's sender. (dumps a downpour of cookies that piles over her home and her)

Rare: (Yells) I WILL GET YOU!!!!!!

Fifi: (pops out of the cookies next to Rare) Yay! I'm back again!

Rare: I now hate cookies.

The End

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