|Red For a Day|
|Written by||YoshiRocker13, Alpha-Lonewolf, Mdkid663|
|Other episodes by the author|
Dick Figures Christmas (2013)
Red is one crazy guy, right? But what would happen if Blue did Red's shit for one day? When Red gets sick, he forces Blue to do the things he was suppose to do on THAT day.
- Golden Lotus Ninjas
- Shi Ba
- Wolf (mentioned)
- Pink (mentioned)
- Blink (mentioned)
(Red and Blue are at Drunken Bear)
Blue: Man it's been a while since I came here.
Fox: Hey Blue. What brings you here?
Blue: Well it's my day off work. Pink's at work, Blink's at school. Might as well spend the day with you guys.
Fox: well pick a table or the bar to sit at and I'll...
Patron: can i get a beer?
Blue: Yeah I think maybe just one bottle will do for now.
Fox: Oh here you go sir. (turns away from Blue and Red and bends over to serve the patron his drink and exposing part of her ass)
Red: My life is like heaven.
Blue: Shut up.
Red: YOU shut up, i can't pass this opportunity (Slaps Fox's ass)
(Fox growls a deep monstrous growl and turns to Red)
Red: it was worth it.
(Fox punches Red through the wall and into a passing gas truck)
Blue: (drinks his beer) Hmm, this is better than beer I've drunk.
(suddenly, Red pukes on the floor)
Blue: Augh! Gross!
Lad: Oi lad! You haven't had any beer and you're already throwing up!
Red: Augh, It's not- (coughs)
Fox: (gets over her anger) Well he doesn't look good.
(Red sneezes and then pukes again)
Blue: Augh, I think you need to see a doctor.
Lad: Aye, looks like no beer for you today wee laddie!
Red: NOOOOOO... (pukes) OOOOOOO!!!
(later, at the doctors)
Doctor: I think it's obvious that you are sick.
Blue: Red's sick? That's new.
Red: This guy is a nut! He's a quack! Don't listen to... (Pukes on Blue)
Blue: (annoyed) Gross.
Doctor: He's got a cold, sore throat and vomiting a few times.
Blue: Alright dude, let's take you home
Red: You're a cold! I'm frosty!
(later Red is in bed)
Red: (weak) Must... drink... beer.
Blue: Alright dude, you gotta drink water, have medicine and lie in bed for the whole day.
Red: No. must... party...drunk!
Blue: If you do that you'll get worse. Now Fox here will look after you. I can't because I gotta head home.
Fox: Well it's a good thing he's to sick and weak to touch me again.
Red: Where... is.. nurse... outfit?
(Fox glares at Red)
Blue: Hope you feel better dude. (begins to walk away)
Red: Wait... Blue.
Red: Take... this. (hands him a rolled up paper)
Blue: (reads it) What's this?
Red: You... must... live my... life... for today.
Blue: Sure I can- (realises) Wait what!?
Red: You must... be me... for a day.
Blue: Alright. (laughs) I can do this.
Fox: Don't worry Blue. I'll try to get him better so you won't have to do anything stupid. try doing it from least to greatest.
(Blue is now walking down the street)
Blue: Alright first thing, (reads) Have an epic drunk party...
(Blue looks at a bar with party music inside)
Blue: I guess this is it.
(Blue walks in to find dancing girls, bottles of beer, and burrito stand outside)
Blue: So this is where Red goes everyday.
(a girl pulls Blue in and three prostitutes start dancing around him)
Blue: (nervously) Oh god. I hope Pink isn't seeing this.
(a drunk man dances around Blue and throws him in a pile of beer)
Blue: OH GOD! IT HURTS!!!
Man: Relax pussy, It's party time!
Blue: (walks out) Alright what's next? (reads) Enter gun convention...
(Blue is seen in armour suit holding a bazooka)
(Blue is suddenly shot 100 times all over the body)
(Blue walks out of the battlefield. His arm falls off)
Blue: (sighs) Time to get that arm reattached. (reads the list)
(Montage begins, Blue nervously winks at the girl and she slaps him. Then Blue is holding a sword while he is surrounded by Robots. They all jump on him. Then shows Blue drinking beer and pukes after drinking 5 bottles. Finally shows Blue approaching Golden Lotus Dragon)
Blue: The final thing here is, (reads) Steal Chow Mien from GLD. (looks up) I'm gonna die.
(as soon as Blue walks through the door, 10 Ninjas leap at him)
Blue: (screams) DON'T HURT ME! (runs underneath them)
Golden Lotus Ninja #1: Seize the blue one! He belongs to our worst enemy!
Golden Lotus Ninja #2: And make sure he doesn't get our super yummy chow mien!
(Blue grabs a bowl of chow mien and Shi Ba lands in front of him)
Shi Ba: Ohh, so you try to steal our chow mien?
Blue: Ah shit.
(Later, Blue walks through the door with glass, blood, and broken bottles all over him)
Blue: This was the worst day of my life!
Fox: Oh God Blue! Let me help you! (helps Blue to a bed next to Red)
Blue: (groans) I hate you Red.
Fox: (Starts to Treat his wounds) were you able to finish all those things on the list already?
Blue: Yeah, but the last one was the worst!
Fox: (jokes a little) were you in such a rush to get them over with?
Fox: Well looks like you need bed rest.
Blue: Next time Red's sick, I'm getting Wolf to do it. (sleeps)
Red: Later sucka! I'm feeling better already and now it's time to party! (runs out)
Blue: I am so glad I'm not his roommate anymore.
Fox: (leaves the room and comes back in a nurses outfit) Hope you don't mind.
Blue: (stares) Holy shit.
Fox: This is so you can get back at Red and tell him I dressed in his dream outfit for me while taking care of you instead of him.
Blue: (grins) Okay.
(after-credits, Red is walking home)
Red: Awesome party. that loser Blue doesn't know what he missed.
(Red walks in and sees Fox taking care of Blue in a nurse outfit)
Red: WHAT THE FUCK!?! Why did you dress up for him?!
Fox: I was about to change over but you left before I could tell you.
Blue: And THAT's what you get for making me do all those horrible things.
(Fox and Blue bump fists)
Spark: (to the 4th wall) Hope you enjoyed the episode.
(Spark is seen laughing uncontrollably outside at the window)