|Role Playing Freaks|
"I love this FUCKING quest!
|Air date||May 15, 2014.|
|Other episodes by the author|
All Hail the Bitch
Chick Figures Fanon Edition
Steve invites Rapper and Lord Tourettes to do some role playing adventures, but Rapper decides to make his own rules.
(The Episode begins with Steve climbing a large cliff.)
Steve: (reaches the top) Hark! We made it! Soon we shall rescue Princess Holly from the clutches of the evil Red-eth the Third!
Rapper: (reaches the top wearing a knight hemet) Seriously, your making this even more boring pet peeve.
Lord Tourettes: (jumps to the top) Ooh! Why this place looks absolutely FUCKED!
Steve: Right, now we advance to rescue the Princess! (runs off)
Lord Tourettes: Splendid! (skips off)
Rapper: (grins) I will make my ways to make things more interesting...
Steve: Halt men! We seem to have encountered one of Red-eth's minions, THE BLUE TITAN!
(cuts to Blue in a knight outfit)
Blue: (sighs) They don't pay me enough for this crap.
Lord Tourettes: Play along BUTTFUCKER!
Blue: (sighs and wields his sword) Stand down you fools! You shall not pass for I will-
(Rapper throws a rock at Blue.)
Blue: The fuck?
Rapper: You seem to be taking extreme damage pussy. (throws another rock)
Blue: What the fuck are you doing?!
Rapper: Throwing rocks, if you get hit, you lose health.
Lord Tourettes: Ooh! Splendid! Then the heroes will FUCK over the villains! (laughs and throws rocks at Blue)
Steve: Oh my god. This is a joke right?
Blue: STOP THROWING ROCKS AT ME YOU IDIOTS!
(Rapper punches Blue)
Rapper: Aaaand he's down for the count.
Blue: Aaah fuck. (dissapears)
Steve: Hey you can't just hit them! Use strategy! That isn't fair!
Rapper: Your FACE isn't fair.
Lord Tourettes: Let's throw more DICKS! (skips off)
Steve: (bored tone) You've got to be kidding me right?
(They reach a large cavern.)
Steve: Halt! It's the Dragon's Cavern!
Lord Tourettes: (wide-eyed) Th- The what?!
(A large dragon flies out and lets out a huge roar.)
Lord Tourettes: (screams in fear) Don't FUCK me!
Rapper: (pulls a sword out) Oh yeah! Time to slay this beast!
Steve: Wait! Use strategy! That's what Role Playing is about!
Rapper: Fuck you. (jumps up at the dragon)
Lord Tourettes: And then the Dragon dissapears and never returns again!! (shivers)
(The Dragon explodes, sending blood everywhere.)
Rapper: Aww sweet! (drinks blood) Nice going L.T.
Steve: L.T.! That's cheating!
Lord Tourettes: I was scared FUCK!
Steve: (sighs) Alright I'll let you do that just one.
Rapper: Or more.
Steve: No! This has to be fair!
Rapper: Hey, who came up with this dumb idea?
Steve: I DID!
Steve: I was bored okay? (rolls his eyes) God, don't you know anything about fun?!
Rapper: Yes. (shoots an ogre off-screen) I LIVE the fun, pussy.
Lord Tourettes: OOOH! I never knew killing would be fun!
Rapper: Uhh, never try it L.T.
Lord Tourettes: (pulls out a map) And we advance to Red-eth's PENIS castle!
Steve: Aaah! Where we rescue the lovely Princess Holly!
Rapper: This guy has problems.
(They head inside)
Steve: Whoa! Look at these huge stairs! It could take hours for us to climb this thing.
Lord Tourettes: We could use the ele-FUCKER!
Steve: But it won't work that way L.T.
Rapper: So what? We can only climb the stairs?
Steve: YES! (begins going up the stairs)
Lord Tourettes: (cries) It's going to take FUCKING months!
Rapper: Then you and I will take... (pulls out a map and reads it) A teleportation to the top floor!
(They teleport to the top floor.)
Lord Tourettes: YIPEE! We made it to the COCK floor!
Rapper: (reads the sign) Hmm, floor 99? Heh, it'll take hours for Steve to get up here.
(3 HOURS LATER)
Steve: (comes up to the 99th floor puffing) Man... that... was... a lot... of- (notices Rapper and Lord Tourettes) HEY! How did you guys get up here before me?!
Rapper: We used teleportation.
Steve: But that's ch-
Rapper: (puts a hand on Steve's mouth) Ah, ah, ah. It isn't cheating when we read it from the map.
Steve: AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?!
Steve: (sighs) Let's just go and rescue the princess.
(They burst into the room Holly is in.)
Steve: (gasps) It's the Princess! And Red-eth is in her way...
Red: (laughs evily) You won't stop me! These boobs will be MINE!
Steve: Do not worry fair maiden! My team will- (notices Rapper is gone) Rapper? RAPPER?!
(Rapper is peeing on Red, who is knocked out.)
Rapper: I needed to go anyway.
Steve: RAPPER! WHAT THE HELL?!
Rapper: And now this lame game is over.
Holly: He's right! This WAS lame! And I had to see some disgusting things as well! YOU LEFT ME HERE FOR 3 WHOLE FUCKING HOURS! I'm going home!
(cuts to the real world, Holly storms outside.)
Steve: H- Holly! Wait!
(she closes the door)
Steve: Aww man.
Lord Tourettes: Never fear! There's always next FUCK!