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Stunt Journal

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Stunt Journal
Air date March 17, 2012
Written by CookieEyes
Other episodes by the author

BatWoman

Le Box

 

Transcript

(Red is sitting at the apartment table with a bowl full of melted colored candy, a stapler, a pencil, crayons, a coffee mug, scissors, a roll of tape, bottles of paint, glue, sharp pieces of glass, and two books. Both books are open, but only one of them is in his hands. Red reads a page of the book on the table, sticks his whole tongue into the bowl of melted candy, and then he licks a page of the other book with his, now candy covered, tongue. As Red licks the page, Blue takes a seat next to him with a sandwich on a plate.)


Blue: Dude, what are you doing? That’s fucking gross!


Red: (stops licking) Oh, this? (picks up book the table) I am following the instructions in this here journal. What it does is that it wants you to ruin every page of it. You know. Like scribble on it, stab it, color it, rip it, paint it, eat it, fuck it.


Blue: (puts a hand on his forehead) Yeah. I, I got it.


Red: It’s just that before I do it to the actual journal, I’m gonna do it to another journal. (points at the other journal) That’s why I have two journals.


Blue: (looks closely at the cover of the other journal) Wait a minute…. (looks at Red, surprised) Is that Broseph’s journal you’re using?

Red: Yep. I came to his house asking if I could borrow his, and then he’s all like, (trying to imitate Broseph’s voice) “No, dude. You can’t look at a bro’s secret journal. That’s breaking the ‘bro code’”, so I had no choice but to shoot his eyes out.


Blue: And?


(Close-up of Red's brain.)


Red: (thinking, deep voice) Hmmm, remember, you assbutthole. What happened after that? All this thinking is giving me a headache….


Red: (stands up, dropping both journals) And then a dragon came!


(Close-up of Red’s brain again)


Red: (thinking, deep voice) No! Wait! After that, I got his journal and… Gee, I don’t know. Did Earl Grey randomly barge into the house? No, that wasn’t it. Oh, my God, my head fucking hurts!


(Suddenly the doorbell rings and Red goes to get the door. As soon as he opens it, Comm. Chad Cop is there with one hand ready to draw out his gun. Standing next to him is Broseph, but he is wearing red sunglasses.)


Chad Cop: I just heard someone from this apartment building stole a journal. Is everything alright?


(Red glares at both of them, and then he picks up an unpetrified Kitty Amazing.)


Kitty Amazing: *Meows*


(Chad Cop shrieks and falls to the ground, dead. Red then shows off Kitty Amazing to Broseph.)


Red: (deep voice) Look at it. (background blazes) LOOK AT IT! (background is normal again)


Broseph: I can’t see “it”. I’m bli—


(Episode Ends)¨

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The poll was created at 16:27 on April 9, 2012, and so far 30 people voted.

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