|Written by||Alpha-LoneWolf, YoshiRocker13, CookieEyes, Mdkid663, Fluffydragonpuppy|
|Other episodes by the author|
Dick Figures Show 5
When Cupid takes a small break from his job, Fifi finds his bow and arrows and goes off causing a valentine catastrophe.
(Cupid flies around to make couples fall in love until he starts to get tired)
Cupid: Oh dear teddy bear. My wittle wings need a nap.
(Cupid sits against a tree and lays his bow and arrows right next to him)
Cupid: Time for a wittle nappy poo.
(closes his eyes for a while a purple are arm reaches and takes the bow and arrow away)
Fifi: Ooh! I'm going to be Robin Hood from the Batman movie. (skips off)
(Red and Stacy were in the park making out)
Red: Ready for your big, and I mean BIG valentine day gift?
Stacy: By gift I hope you mean penis.
Red: I got it wrapped in a big pakage.
(Shows Fifi poke out of a bush and shoot an arrow hitting Red's ass)
Red: (Shoots up in pain) YOW! What the fuck was that?
Stacy: Hurry up and give me my gift already.
Red: Something just bit my... (Looks at a tree and falls in love with it) Hey baby, how about i hump your stump?
(Red starts making out with the tree)
Stacy: (raging jealous) Oh hell no!
(Pink and Blue walk in the park where Charlotte happens to be walking)
Blue: Well I hope you liked my V-Day gifts for you Pink. (Sees Charlotte) Hey look. Hey Charlotte
Charlotte: (trying to smile) Heyyyyyyyy...
Pink: (also tries smiling) Uh, h-hey Charlotte...
Blue: I hope you are having a good valentines day today.
Charlotte: (scoffs) Oh sure. (sarcastically) I LOVE spending V-day alone!
(From the branches of a tree Fifi pokes out to aim at Blue)
Blue: Well don't worry I am sure Mr. right will appear soon for yoOOO!!! (an arrow hits Blues back soon followed by two more)
Blue: Ow! What the fuuu- (stares dreamily at Charlotte and waves dreamily) Hey cutie...
Charlotte: (surprised, but grins slightly) Huh?
(Blue floats to Charlotte, bows to her, and kisses her hand)
Blue: I have never met a girl more gorgeous and beautiful than you.
Charlotte: (flattered) Oh my!
Blue: Hm, that bow looks like it needs sometime more beautiful. (pulls out a blue flower and puts it in Charlotte's hair to put her hair up) There, now you look more cute and beautiful. (kisses her other hand)
Pink: What the fuck is going on!?!
Charlotte: (giggles while blushing) I dunno, but I FUCKING LOVE IT!
Fifi: (jumps out of the tree) I'm William Tell!
Blue: Now, (swings her around and puts some romantic music on) Shall we dance my lovely aqua girl of flowers?
Pink: (Looks over to see Fifi with the arrows and notices they are the same as the ones on Blue) FIFI GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!!! (Chases after Fifi)
Stacy: Wait for me so I can kill that bitch too! (follows them)
(Midnight Blaze is skating across the street with Kari holding her from behind so she wouldn't fall off.)
Kari: Careful! You might run over the ants!
Midnight Blaze: You don't even like ants.
Kari: THEY MAY BE SOULLESS BUT THEY DESERVE LIFE!
Fifi: (pops out of a trash can and shoots Kari making her fall in love with the ants) Tag you're it!
Kari: (jumps off the skateboard) Oh auties!
Midnight Blaze: What the?
(The ants see Kari running towards them. They scream and try to run away.)
Kari: WHERE YOU GOING? (accidentally steps on some of them) I JUST WANNA KISS YOU CUTIES!
(Midnight Blaze stops skating and just stares in confusion.)
Fifi: I'm Batman! (Flies off)
(Pink and Stacy soon stop near MB)
Pink: Have you seen a little idiot with cupid's arrows?
Midnight Blaze: No, but I think that might have something to do with what's going on there. (points to Kari trying to hug the ants)
Pink: She made Blue fall in love with that woman Charlotte!
Stacy: She made Red hump a tree instead of me!
Midnight Blaze: (laughs) I-I'm sorry but... (continues laughing)
Pink: (Glares) Unless you want that girl to love ants more than even notice you, We have to get Fifi and those arrows. Got it?
Midnight Blaze: You have my undivided attention. (gets on her skateboard) Let's go!
After running after Fifi, it noww shows Rapper and Rei at his house)
Rapper: (sighs) You know Rei I think you are wanting too many weapons from me! (hands her a shotgun)
Rei: Whatever! (shoots someone off-screen with the shotgun)
Rapper: (grumbles) I'll be back. (walks away and grumbles to himself) God, every V-Day, she is such a bossy bitch. (sighs and continues walking)
Fifi: (pops out of the shotgun barrel and shoots Rei in the forehead with the arrow) Pop goes the weasel! (Jumps out and runs off as Rei starts to look at her shotgun romantically)
Rei: (slowly licks her shotgun) Mmm...that feels good, baby?
Rapper: (looks behind him) What the fuck?!
Rei: (moves her hand up and down the gun) (Japanese) Yeah. You like that, don't you?
Rapper: Wha-!? (notices Fifi with Cupid's arrow) YOU LITTLE RETARDED FUCK!!!
(The other girls come by)
Stacy: Where is that little fuck!?
Rapper: (points to Fifi) Over there! (cracks his knuckles) Ho-ho she is DEAD MEAT!
Pink: Not if I get her first!
(Lord and Lady Tourettes, along with Wednesday and Broseph were sitting on the top of a hill)
Lord Tourettes: Isn't this just GOD DAMN romantic?
Lady Tourettes: Yeah, It sure is FUCK FACE! (snuggles against L.T.)
Broseph: (wide-eyed) Okay, those dudes are creepin' me out.
Wednesday: What? It's just their syndromes.
Broseph: I guess so...
Wednesday: Besides, (gets closer to him) we can always do what they're doing. (snuggles against him)
Lord Tourettes: I will always FUCKINGSHITSPANKYOURFUCKINGASSPENISSHITFART and i always will.
Broseph: Okay maybe not that.
(They soon see Fifi on another hill)
Lady Tourettes: Who the SHITSTORM is that?
Fifi: Archers! Give them Hello Kitty!
Broseph: Oh god, not that retard fuck again.
Wednesday: Uhh, who is...?
(Broseph points up to Fifi)
(A storm of arrows soon fell down on them and hit Brospeh and Lady tourettes as looked at each other and fell under the spell)
Broseph: (Cuddles up to Lady Tourettes) Well hello my lady.
Lord Tourettes: What the FUCK!?!
Wednesday: (nervous) Huh?
Lady Tourettes: Well hello there my FUCK FACE!
Fifi: They may take our lands But they cannot take our commercials! (rides off on a speeding turtle)
Lord Tuorettes: Wednesday, What the SHIT is going on with my PUSY!!!?
(Pink then came up the hill with the others)
Pink: Where is that moron!?
Lord Tourettes: She FUCKED OFF that way.
Stacy: We got to catch that bitch before Red impregnates a tree.
Rapper: And before Rei ends up killing herself with that shotgun I gave her.
Lord Tourettes: Come THE FUCK on sis, it's going to be a bumpy ride!
(Spark and Jess are sitting in a bench as Spark plays a song about Jess with his guitar. Jess kicks her feet back and forth humming happily to the tune)
Spark: Oh and Jess. (gives her beautiful flowers and delicious chocolate) Here, have these.
Jess: Thanks Spark. (eats some chocolate)
Spark: Your welcome.
(The flowers start to shake in Jess' hand)
Jess: What the fuck?!
Spark: (notices) What the-?
(An arrow shoots out of the flowers and on Jess' head as Fifi pops out)
Spark: What the hell!?
Fifi: You win! (grabs Jess' face and kisses both her cheeks before hiding back in the flowers again)
(Jess began to adore Fifi as the first person she saw when the arrow worked it's magic on her)
Jess: Aww your a cutie girl!
Fifi: I know. (Runs off)
Jess: Wait! Don't leave me! (runs after her)
(Rapper leads the group to where Spark was)
Spark: THAT LITTLE SHIT!!! (pulls out a katana)
Pink: (pants) When will it end?
Rapper: WHERE DID THAT SHIT GO!?!
Spark: OVER THERE! (points to where Fifi is heading)
(Blink and Ellen were eating ice cream)
Blink: This is really yummy Ice cream.
Ellen: Mm-hm! (licks her ice cream)
(Blink notices his Ice Cream is shaking)
Ellen: What's the matter?
Blink: I THINK MY ICE CREAM IS MOVING!
(The Jaws theme began to play)
Blink: (screams) WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?:
(they see the tip of the arrow moving back and forth in the ice cream. Blink drops the ice cream on the ground and is about to run away)
Blink: OW! (cries)
Ellen: Blink! Are you okay?
Blink: Okay? OKAY!? (swings Ellen across) Yeaaaahh I'm okay.
Ellen: Uhh...what are you doing?
Blink: I just met the most cutest girl EVER! (kisses her cheek)
Fifi: I think we're going to need a bigger boat. (Skips off)
Ellen: (nervous) Umm, th-thank you, but, uhh, are you sure you're okay?
Blink: Of course I'm okay, now that your here.
Blink: I love you! I LOVE YOU! And we shall be together FOREVER! (hugs Ellen, almost scaring her)
Ellen: Umm...I...I gotta go! (runs off)
(Pink and the others just come in as Pink sees what Blink is doing)
Blink: Wait! Don't leave me Ellen! (cries)
Pink: Blink what happened. (notices the arrow in his back) FIFIIII!!!
(Shows Emily and the Broseph Clone in a soda shop)
Broseph Clone: Hey Bacon, I got ya some chocolates for V-Day.
Emily: Yay! (Hugs him)
(they hear a voice in the box of chocolate)
Voice: Knock, Knock.
Emily: Uh... Do you hear something?
Fifi: cupid face! (Sticks Broseph face with a lot of arrows) by Stupid Cupid! (skips off)
Emily: Fifi! You piece of shit! (Chases her)
(the others arrive)
Broseph Clone: (sees Wednesday) Why hello there beauty face.
Wednesday: Umm, hello?
Broseph Clone: (jumps into her arms) I have never met a girl more gorgeous than you. Say, where are your boobies?
Wednesday: I-I, uhh, don't have "big" ones.
Pink: Okay we need a plan to catch the fucking freak.
Rapper: FIIIIIFIIIII!!! (sees her) Ho-ho your not getting away THIS time! (runs after her)
Blink: Maybe we could distract her? And the other catches her?
Spark: YOU SAID IT!
(Rapper leaves a large pile of Cookies for Fifi to see)
Fifi: Ooh! Cookie! (hits herself with an Arrow) I love Coookies! (Jumps oin the cookie and starts kissing it)
(Rapper jumps out and grabs her while everyone else jump on her)
Stacy: You're not going anywhere you little bastard!
Pink: You had better cure our friends!
Fifi: Oh i know how to do that.
Spark: Then do it already!
Fifi: Hocus Pocus vroom vroom vroom! (nothing happens)
Rapper: THAT DIDN'T WORK YOU RETARDED SLUT!
Fifi: How about Open Sesame Street! (nothing happens)
Pink: Why are we even asking her if she knows how to do it?
Cupid: Excuse me? has anyone seen my bow and arrows?
Rapper: Right here. (points to Fifi)
(Spark points to Fifi)
Stacy and Pink: That idiot has them.
Spark: And I thought Stacy was a complete idiot.
Stacy: Hey! (punches Spark's arm)
Spark: (rubs his arm) OW! Why!?
Cupid: (takes the bow and arrows) Okay thanks. (about to leave)
Spark: Hold on!
Rapper: This retard has made our friends fall in love with others!
Cupid: Come on, it must not be that bad.
(Shows Jess jump in Fifi's arms kissing her)
(Spark points to the other people who are in love)
Pink You were saying?
Emily: My Broseph doesn't like me anymore! (Cries)
Cupid: okay I'll fix it. (snaps his fingers and everyone goes back to normal and Jess realizes she is kissing Fifi)
(Spark grabs Jess away from Fifi)
Jess: AUGH!! NOO! (coughs and vomits) Disgusting!
Spark: C'mon Jess, let's take you home. (leaves)
Jess: I'm a little- (vomits) Busy right now! (vomits in the bush)
Fifi: I told you everyone loves me.
Red: (notices he's fucking a tree) NO! I hate trees!
(Then gets a machine gun and shoots down the tree)
(Blue notices he's kissing Charlotte's lips)
Blue: (stops kissing and drops Charlotte) AUGH! Why am I kissing you?!?
Charlotte: (seductively) You wanted to, didn't you?
Blue: (looks at the audience) Uhhhhhh.....
COMMENT YOUR POLL VOTE
- 1/5 Unicorn Barf!
- 2/5 It was like Meh.
- 3/5 I guess it was... pretty good.
- 4/5 This is like crazy right?
- 5/5 CUZ I'M AWESOME