|The Beginning of Red|
|Other episodes by the author|
Bullies & Killers
Time to Wed
Ever wondered where Red came from in First Day of Cool? Well this solves your question! Find out how Red went to earth when he was a kid!
(the fic opens up on a planet called Planet Hyper. It shows a green man sitting outside a room in a hospital)
Green Man: I just hope she'll be okay.
Doctor: (comes out) Sir. You might wanna come in here.
(The green man comes in to find a yellow woman holding Red as a baby)
Green Man: (teary) He's so beautiful. But why does he have a cap on?
Yellow Woman: He got more comfortable in it.
(Red is seen with his cap facing the front)
Green Man: So what should we name him?
Yellow Girl: How about Red?
Green Man: (thinks) Meh okay what the hell.
Yellow Girl: Now let's float home! (they all float home)
(cuts to Green & Yellow in front of Red)
Yellow: Red? Can you say Mama?
Green: Can you say Daddy?
Red: (points to yellow woman) Bitch!
Green: Well that's something a baby wouldn't really say.
Yellow: (whines) Why would my own son call me that!?
Red: (points to green) Dick!
Yellow: (gasps) Red!
Green: Now we're even.
(shows Red as a kid watching TV)
Yellow: Red! Stop watching porn on TV!
Red: But those girls are so sexy!
Yellow: Seriously Green, did you teach him these words?
Green: I dunno. Don't look at me.
Red: It was mah Dad!
Yellow: (glares) Green!
Green: He's gonna be like this when he grows up.
Yellow: And WHAT makes you think that?
Green: Just guessed.
(it then shows Planet Hyper about to be sucked into a black hole)
Yellow: We're gonna die!
Green: What about Red!
Yellow: (looks at asteroid) I have an idea!
(they run over to the asteroid and put Red in it)
Yellow: (kisses Red's head) You'll be safe Red. But you'll never see us again.
Red: (teary) What?
Green: Goodbye son. Have fun on Earth.
(the asteroid launches away from Planet Hyper)
Red: Alright! Now I won't have to be told off anymore! (looks out window) Space. Earth. (spots Earth) There it is... (the asteroid heads for Earth. It shows Broseph as a kid watching Blue being beaten by bullies when he spots Red's asteroid)
Broseph: Huh? (Red's asteroid begins to brighten up the sky.)
Kids: Whoa. What is that? (Pink shields her eyes a little)
Lord Tourettes: Look! It's an ASS-teroid!!
Broseph: No. No! Nooo... (starts to panic as it speeds right toward him and blows him up. As the fumes of the asteroid settles, Blue recovers first and walk over to the crater. Amusingly, it shows the skull of Broseph with his hair as a part of his skull. A red foot stomps it to pieces and then show the person to be Red)
(cuts to Red as an adult)
Red: And that's the story of how I came to Earth!
Blue: Still. Don't you miss your parents?
Red: Not one fucking bit.
Blue: But they cared for you! They LOVED you!
Red: Yeah.... But I can do what I want now! (floats off)
Blue: (facepalms) Why can't I just kick him out?