FANDOM


The Everyman
Season 3, Episode 6
30. The Everyman (3)
Air date 7/2/14
Written by IONIXMUSIC
Directed by IONIXMUSIC
Episode guide
Previous
2%
Next
Darker and Edgier (and Sluttier)
Derek is faced with the biggest challenge of them all...being a dad.

Characters

Transcript

(Derek and Suzan are finishing having sex.)

Derek: Oh man, that was the best sex I heard in years.

Suzan: You know it, babe.

Derek: So what are we naming it?

Suzan: Isn't it a little early to name our baby?

Derek: Ugh, fine. But since I nabbed the naming card before you, I get to decide his name.

Suzan: But you said our child had to be part of DICKS or VAGINAS. Wouldn't our child ruin the name?

Derek: We just name him or her 2!

Suzan: 2. Our child's name will be 2.

Derek: Yeah! 2DICKS and 2VAGINAS.

(Suzan looks at Derek in disbelief but then turns happy.)

Suzan: Heh. That's actually kinda clever.

Derek: That's cause I thought of it.

Suzan: What, I couldn't come up with a better name?

Derek: The person that makes the cum come up comes up with the name, babe.

Suzan: Whatever. But you know what this means, right?

Derek: What?

Suzan: You're gonna become...

(Suzan sinks her head in towards Derek's ear.)

Suzan: A REGULAR FAMILYMAN.

(Derek has a horrified expression.)

Derek: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Cut to 9 years later, Suzan is giving birth to the child, and Derek is experiencing emotional turmoil.)

Derek (in head): Oh god...What am I doing...Why didn't I use the condom...This is all my fau-

Suzan: We know what we're going to name it.

Derek: Wha-Yeah.

Suzan: His name is 2.

Doctor: Um...2?

Suzan: Yes.

(Suzan frightningly stares at the doctor.)

Doctor: Okay...well...I hope you and your child have a wonderful life together.

Derek: Thanks.

(They run out of the room, and crash through the door.)

Doctor: GODDAMMIT, WE JUST FIXED THAT!

(Meanwhile, Derek is still frustrated.)

Derek: *sigh* Listen...Suzan, I know you've developed feelings for the child.

Suzan: *laughs* Yeah, he's a cutey.

Derek: Um...

Suzan: Spit it out, dude.

Derek: *sigh* Suzan...I...

(He looks at the baby. He starts to tear up a little.)

Derek: I...need to tell the guys.

Suzan: Sweet! I was gonna tell the girls.

(He releases a sigh of relief.)

Derek: Cool. I'll be back.

(He runs off to DICKS HQ, while Suzan trails off to VAGINAS HQ.)

Derek: Umm...guys?

Cameron: Yeah?

Isaac: Wassup, man?

Derek: Well...it's a bit complicated.

Samuel: Spit it out, man!

Derek: Guys...I'm a father.

(All the guys look at Derek in awe, then begin celebrating.)

Derek: Wait, WHAT?!

Samuel: Dude, YOU GOT LAID!

Kaleb: Hell yeah, man!

Cameron: You're basically god among us!

(They begin bowing to Derek.)

Derek: Hmm. I can get used to this.

END.

What did you think of this episode?
 
8
 
0
 
2
 
1
 
1
 

The poll was created at 23:34 on July 29, 2014, and so far 12 people voted.

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.