|Season 3, Episode 6|
Darker and Edgier (and Sluttier)
(Derek and Suzan are finishing having sex.)
Derek: Oh man, that was the best sex I heard in years.
Suzan: You know it, babe.
Derek: So what are we naming it?
Suzan: Isn't it a little early to name our baby?
Derek: Ugh, fine. But since I nabbed the naming card before you, I get to decide his name.
Suzan: But you said our child had to be part of DICKS or VAGINAS. Wouldn't our child ruin the name?
Derek: We just name him or her 2!
Suzan: 2. Our child's name will be 2.
Derek: Yeah! 2DICKS and 2VAGINAS.
(Suzan looks at Derek in disbelief but then turns happy.)
Suzan: Heh. That's actually kinda clever.
Derek: That's cause I thought of it.
Suzan: What, I couldn't come up with a better name?
Derek: The person that makes the cum come up comes up with the name, babe.
Suzan: Whatever. But you know what this means, right?
Suzan: You're gonna become...
(Suzan sinks her head in towards Derek's ear.)
Suzan: A REGULAR FAMILYMAN.
(Derek has a horrified expression.)
(Cut to 9 years later, Suzan is giving birth to the child, and Derek is experiencing emotional turmoil.)
Derek (in head): Oh god...What am I doing...Why didn't I use the condom...This is all my fau-
Suzan: We know what we're going to name it.
Suzan: His name is 2.
(Suzan frightningly stares at the doctor.)
Doctor: Okay...well...I hope you and your child have a wonderful life together.
(They run out of the room, and crash through the door.)
Doctor: GODDAMMIT, WE JUST FIXED THAT!
(Meanwhile, Derek is still frustrated.)
Derek: *sigh* Listen...Suzan, I know you've developed feelings for the child.
Suzan: *laughs* Yeah, he's a cutey.
Suzan: Spit it out, dude.
Derek: *sigh* Suzan...I...
(He looks at the baby. He starts to tear up a little.)
Derek: I...need to tell the guys.
Suzan: Sweet! I was gonna tell the girls.
(He releases a sigh of relief.)
Derek: Cool. I'll be back.
(He runs off to DICKS HQ, while Suzan trails off to VAGINAS HQ.)
Isaac: Wassup, man?
Derek: Well...it's a bit complicated.
Samuel: Spit it out, man!
Derek: Guys...I'm a father.
(All the guys look at Derek in awe, then begin celebrating.)
Derek: Wait, WHAT?!
Samuel: Dude, YOU GOT LAID!
Kaleb: Hell yeah, man!
Cameron: You're basically god among us!
(They begin bowing to Derek.)
Derek: Hmm. I can get used to this.