The Naked Jones
Request for AndrewBrauer 5
Well... this is awkward.
Air date 5-26-14
Written by AndrewBrauer & YoshiRocker13
Directed by AndrewBrauer
Location Jade's Home & Professor Stick's Lab
Other episodes by the author

Flatch Attack

The Last Laugh

  Bitchess refuses to admit that she likes Jones as more than friends, but things get much more awkward for her when she accidentally sees Jones' "full package" and can't stop thinking about it.



(Jade and Bitchess are kicking and punching a dummy bag in Jade's dojo)

Jade: So this is where I work on my fighting to become the best.

Bitchess: Pfft, I'm stronger than any other bitch in this town.

Jade: So what's the deal with you and Jones, you seem to hang out with him only.

Bitchess: Cuz he's as good as I am! He's like the Male version of me. Everybody else is a lame bastard.

Jade: (Giggles) That is true, no wonder he introduced me to you like this.

Bitchess: That's not funny!

Jade: (Kicks a dummy's head off) It's nothing, it's just that maybe one of you likes the other.

Bitchess: Hey! I don't like like Jones! We're just friends okay?!

Jade: Then why did he tell me that you two kissed?

Bitchess: THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP! God, you really are stupid!

Jade: And you, are such a dead giveaway. (Laughs)

(Later, Bitchess is walking down the hallway in Jade's home)

Bitchess: Stupid Jade! I told her already! I only like Jones as a friend!

(Bitchess opens the door to the bathroom, and suddenly sees Jones drop his towel and is naked)

Jones: (Surprised) HOLY FUCK!! (Tries covering his crotch with his hands)

(Bitchess stares at Jones wide-eyed and mouthed, she closes the door slowly)

Bitchess: (screams) I can't believe I just DID THAT! Now that bitch Jade will think I like Jones or something!

Jade: (Out of nowhere) Cause you do. (Laughs) That was just... priceless!

Bitchess: WILL YOU SHUT UP!?! That was an accident!

Jade: Okay, sure I'll buy that. We can do something to help you get that off your mind?

Bitchess: Uuuugh! If only I could go back in time and stop myself from doing this!

Jade: Relax, let's just go kill some gang members are something. (Hands Bitchess a hand gun)

Bitchess: No! Not until I get this out of my system!

Jade: I have one question? Was his dick big? Because I hear all the time that black guys have big dicks, so I was wondering.

Bitchess: It was fucking huge!

Jade: Got ya! (Laughs) You do like Jones, since you talk about his dick!

(Cuts to Bitchess walking home at night)

Bitchess: (sighs) Stupid Jade! I wish she was dead!

(Then a stranger bumps into her and walks away)

Bitchess: Hey! Watch where your going!

(The stranger turns around and looks like Jones naked in her head)

Stranger: I'm sorry miss, are you okay?

Bitchess: (shakes her head) Yes! I'm fine!

(A car drives by and to Bitchess, it looks like multiple naked Jones inside)

Bitchess: (punches her head) GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

(Bitchess runs through the street and end up in a crowd of people, to her, look like multiple versions of Jones naked)

Bitchess: (kneels on the ground)STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!!!!!

(Bitchess suddenly gets grabbed by Jade into an alleyway)

Jade: Relax Bitchess, it's me.

Bitchess: Go away! Your just going to make fun of me!

Jade: I know someone who can help you.

Bitchess: WHO?!

(Jade and Bitchess walk into Professor Stick's lab)

Jade: Is this where Professor Dick lives?

Professor Stick: What you say is correct! Twilight! We have people here!

Twilight: Okay sweetie. (Walks out with Professor Stick)

Jade: Twilight? Are you with...

Twilight: I'll explain later, what do you girls need?

Bitchess: Do you two bitches have a time machine?

Professor Stick: As a matter of fact we do. Why?

Jade: Bitchess saw her boyfriend Jones naked in the shower. (giggles)

Twilight: Oh my! Jones has a girlfriend?


Jade: Alright, sure.

Professor Stick: You know I think you want to do this because you don't want to admit you like Jones.

Bitchess: I DON'T LIKE HIM! We're just friends! And we do lots of fun things, like killing gang members, and crashing parties, (falls dreamy) and like the time we accidentally kissed.

(Professor Stick smiles raising an eyebrow)

Bitchess: (clears throat) Never mind! Forget what I said.

Professor Stick: The time machine is just back in the lab.

(They run inside the lab)

Jade: There is the machine.

(They all get inside the time machine)

Jade: Time to go back in time.

(Professor Stick takes them back 30 minutes ago, They appear back in Jade's home and see Past Bitchess walking down the hallway, about to go into the bathroom, Bitchess pulls her Past Self into the corner)

Jade: (To Bitchess) what are you doing?

Bitchess: What does it look like?! Stopping my past self!

Twilight: Be careful, if you do something dangerous to your past self, it will affect you back in the present.

Bitchess: Oh! Right!

Past Bitchess: What the fuck is going on?!

(They teleport back to the present)

Jade: We need a plan, or else something bad will happen to all of us.

Bitchess: Like what?!

Twilight: Me and Professor Stick know a lot about time travel, we can solve this puzzle.

Jade: Why don't we go back and find a way to prevent Bitchess's past self from ever going into the bathroom, which means we have to go back further.

Professor Stick: Excellent idea! Let's go!

Twilight: We must go back to any part of today, in which it would cause Bitchess to use the bathroom, which means we must stop her past self from eating and drinking of anything from today.

Bitchess: Sounds like a plan.

(It shows the Past Bitchess in the Cafe' about to drink her coffee)

Twilight: We must find a way to distract Bitchess from drinking that coffee, any ideas?

(Jade puts on glasses and a big hat, in which she throws Past Bitchess's coffee into the street and walks away)

Twilight: Or, that would do.

Past Bitchess: HEY!

(Later it shows Bitchess about to eat her hamburger, Jade puts on the same hat and glasses, in which she then grabs the hamburger and eats it, in one bite, in front of her, she then walks away)

Past Bitchess: HEY! Stop eating my food!

Twilight: Well now Bitchess, in the present you should feel really hungry.

Professor Stick: We should make sure she doesn't go in the bathroom.

Jade: Well, I'm sure now she won't have to pee or poop when she comes over to my place.

Bitchess: (sighs) Let's hope so.

(They travel back to the present, and Bitchess is shown eating a cheeseburger and looks pissed off about a woman in a big hat and glasses)

Jade: Uhhh... (Nervously laughs) Looks like it worked.

Bitchess: I'm fucking STARVING!

Twilight: Let's see. (To Bitchess) Hey, why are you so hungry?


(Jade and Bitchess leave and Jones approaches them)

Jones: What's up ladies!

Bitchess: Uhh, hey Jones.

Jones: Hey, I saw some strippers leaving the club. (Hands them each a baseball bat) Let's go kill them!

Bitchess: Yeah. Let's go..

Jade: You okay Bitchess?

Bitchess: Yeah! I'm great.

Jones: Well. (Pulls out a chocolate cake) I hear that bitches love cake, so here. (Gives it to her)

Bitchess: (stares at the cake, then smiles) Thanks Jones.

Jones: Alright, you can eat your cake later, I wanna kill some strippers! (Runs off with Bitchess and Jade)

(Professor Stick and Twilight were watching)

Professor Stick: (laughs) Another job well done.

Twilight: (To Professor Stick) Do you think Bitchess and Jones will ever be together?

Professor Stick: I highly doubt that.

Twilight: Well, I have hope they will be together

The End


  • The first time Bitchess actually has a romantic interest in her life.
  • Takes place after the events of Un-Smart Professor, since this shows that Professor Stick and Twilight are together.
  • Shows that Bitchess enjoys cake, also one of the rare times Bitchess actually thanks someone.
What did you think about The Naked Jones?

The poll was created at 18:18 on May 26, 2014, and so far 4 people voted.

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