|The Perfect Wednesday|
Aah my sister's FUCK-Day!
|Air date||August 11, 2013|
|Written by||YoshiRocker13, CookieEyes and Alpha-Lonewolf|
|Location||Shit Piss Fart Woods|
|Other episodes by the author|
Shocking Battle (Part 2)
Today is Wednesday. But it's also Wednesday's birthday so to make up the time he's ruined her previous birthdays, Lord Tourettes wants to give Wednesday her best birthday ever.
- Lord Tourettes
- Lady Tourettes
- Stacy (mentioned)
- Emily (mentioned)
(the fic starts off with Lord Tourettes as a kid skipping through the SPF woods and he knocks on his door. Wednesday is seen in her bedroom reading poetry with a blanket covering her head. When she hears the knocking at the front door, she goes out to get it.)
Wednesday: This is your home too, you know. You don’t have to knock.
Lord Tourettes: Aah Wednesday! (pulls out a taser) Happy FUCK-Day!
Wednesday: (takes the taser) What’s this?
Lord Tourettes: Ah! It's a taser my SHIT! I found it and decided to PRICK it to you!
Wednesday: Okay… What does it do?
Lord Tourettes: It FUCKS! I mean Shocks people!
(Wednesday turns on the taser and watches the electricity flow in between the probes. She turns it off after a while.)
Wednesday: It’s…pretty cool, I guess. Thanks. (walks back inside)
(Now it shows Lord Tourettes as a teenager preparing to give Wednesday her birthday surprise)
Lord Tourettes: (sees Wednesday) SURPRISE!
Wednesday: (sighs) What?
Lord Tourettes: Happy FUCK-Day Sis! (giggles)
Wednesday: Oh…right. (looks up to the ceiling and whispers to herself) Why do I keep forgetting that?
(it now moves to the present day with Lord Tourettes sadly walking by Putain Délicieux. Blue & Pink are sitting at a table with Indigo & Darla at another table)
Blue: (looks on) I think there's something wrong with Lord Tourettes.
(Charlotte is at the window washing a stain off of it.)
Charlotte: (sees Lord Tourettes as well) What the fuck is that green Santa’s problem?
Pink: Wait, who's Lord Tourettes?
Indigo: Wait. You don't know who he is, Pink?
Pink: Well no. I've never seen him before but Blue talks about him a lot.
Darla: (takes a mug of hot chocolate) Broseph has told me about him before. Apparently, he is some weird-ass fairy-human sort of thing with Tourettes Syndrome; not to mention he is also Wednesday’s little brother, and she has told me about him as well. So who knows; (smiles a little) I might like him. (sips her beverage)
Lord Tourettes: (posts sign) (giggles) I sure hope ASSHOLES will come help with Wednesday's FUCK-Day! (skips away)
(Darla teleports in front of the sign.)
Darla: (giggles creepily) Let us see what all this fuss is about. (reads the sign)
Blue: (looks at sign) I think L.T. is throwing a birthday party for Wednesday.
Indigo: Oh my. He is. (Darla suddenly gasps.)
Charlotte: What’s wrong, Miss Universe Traveler or whatever?
Darla: (freaking out) It’s Wednesday’s birthday…AND I DIDN’T KNOW THAT?! How could I possibly not know one of my friend’s birthdays?! I should know ALL of their birthdays!
Indigo: Relax, Darla. It’s nothing to—
Darla: YES IT IS SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT!
Broseph: It's my girl's birthday? That's awesome bro!
Darla: (points at Broseph) YOU! (pounces on him) Why didn’t you tell me? HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT WHAT DAY IS WEDNESDAY’S BIRTHDAY?!
Broseph: Uhh what?
(cuts to Lord Tourettes trying hard to set everything up but keeps failing and starts worrying)
Lord Tourettes: (cries) I'll never be able to FUCK my sister's SHIT-Day! (hears a knock on his door and answers it)
Darla: (waves while carrying a leash that Broseph is tied to) Helloooo person I hardly know about.
Charlotte: (rolls her eyes) Sup?
Indigo: Hi LT.
Lord Tourettes: (sniffs) What do you DICKS want?
Blue: We're here to help you get ready for Wednesday's birthday.
Lord Tourettes: (gasps) Really?
Indigo: Yeah. We saw your sign.
Lord Tourettes: Splendid! I need ALL the SHIT I need!
Charlotte: As in?
Lord Tourettes: We need to give her a SHITTY present, and a FUCKING cake!
Charlotte: Well then, I’ll inform Maddie and we’ll get started on the cake.
Darla: And WE will go get her a present. (to Broseph) By “we”, I mean “you and me”. Capiche?
Broseph: (laughs) Course Darla! Anything for my girl.
Darla: Good! (walks off while dragging Broseph away on the leash)
(cuts to Charlotte and Madelene working on the cake)
Madelene: You know, I’ve been thinking. We really need to update the delivery menu. You know, so we don’t have to deliver JUST cakes.
Charlotte: Less talk, more mixing.
(Scarlet sneaks up and tries to grab the spoon with cake batter on it, but Madelene sees her hand and takes the spoon away.)
Charlotte: Besides, Maddie, we’ve been selling a fuckton of cakes since the beginning. Why would you wanna update it?
Madelene: Well, it gets boring having to just sell cakes. (sees Scarlet’s hand searching for the spoon) (yells) No! Go have dinner with your, how do you say, grandma!
(cuts to Darla & Broseph looking in a shopping centre for Wednesday's present)
Darla: Alright Bro, think very hard. What kind of stuff does Wednesday like? She’s one of your girlfriends. You should know! (grabs his chest and shakes him) YOU SHOULD KNOW, RIGHT?!
Broseph: (laughs nervously) Of course I do Darla! She's told me LOTS of things she likes! (walks into a store) Hmm let's see. (walks up to store manager) Do you have anything Goth Girls like?
Manager: Uhh… (takes out a couple of things) Would this cross necklace and black flower hair clip count?
Broseph: (looks back to make sure Darla doesn't notice) Phew. (takes gift) See Darla? I got a gift for my girl! Cool!?
Darla: (sighs) Cool…
(cuts back to L.T's House and everything is almost ready. Lord Tourettes hears another knock and gets worried)
Lord Tourettes: Oh No! That's Wednesday!
Lady Tourettes: Don't worry DICK! It's me!
Indigo: Who is that?
Lord Tourettes: That's Lady Tou-SHIT! She's my BITCH!
Blue: Wow. I never knew Lord Tourettes had a girlfriend.
Lady Tourettes: I heard you were setting up your sister's Birth-GAY party! I came to help FUCK I mean set up.
Broseph: (comes in) We got the gift! Thanks to me.
Darla: (teleports inside) AND me! I deserve at least some credit, you know.
Broseph: (rolls eyes) Whatever. Yo where's the cake?
Charlotte: (walks in with the cake) I’m right here, you impatient asshole!
Blue: (looks out window) Shit! Wednesday's coming!
Lord Tourettes: (excited) OOH!!
(Wednesday is walking towards the house while talking on her phone.)
Wednesday: Well, I guess if I don’t have anything special today, I’ll meet you there I guess… Okay… No, I will NOT drink, Stacy… Whatever… Alright… See you later, (whispers) probably. (hangs up)
(Wednesday walks inside and is surprised to see everyone inside)
Wednesday: (takes out her taser in surprise, but notices it’s just her friends) Oh… (puts the taser away) It’s just you guys.
(Someone off-screen throws flower petals over her head. Wednesday looks up and the camera zooms out to show Darla floating above Wednesday with a basket full of flower petals and confetti.)
Darla: … (looks at everyone else) Was I too late?
Broseph: (pulls out gift) Hey Wednes. Here's your present.
Wednesday: (looks at him and the gift with sparkling eyes) ...You...got me a gift?
Broseph: Yup! With help from my friend. I picked it though. (hands her the gift, she opens it and is grateful)
Wednesday: Aww! (takes out her gift) A black flower hair clip and a cross necklace?! How did you know I’ve always wanted these?
Broseph: (thinks) I just knew. I knew it would be perfect for you, babe.
Wednesday: Oh… (places a hand on Broseph’s shoulder) Thank you, Grey. (kisses him on the cheek)
Darla: (whispers to the forth wall) Poor Bro-bro. Still being called “Grey” by the more mature girlfriend.
Broseph: (blushes) Thanks babe.
Lord Tourettes: But I mostly FUCKED I mean planned everything for you Wednesday.
Wednesday: (chuckles and turns to him) I know you did. (hugs LT) Thank you, Lord Tourettes. You’re the best little brother ever.
Lord Tourettes: (hugs back)
Blue: Here's the birthday cake!
Charlotte: (walks with the cake) (impatient) Yeah yeah. Happy Birthday, Wednesday. Another year older; another year wiser. Just blow out the candles so we can eat already.
(Wednesday just shrugs and blows the candles out.)
Lady Tourettes: Happy Birth-GAY!
(door bell rings)
Lord Tourettes: (answers door) Yes?
(there is a pink present signed by Emily with a card)
Lord Tourettes: (looks back and reads card)
Card Reads: Happy birthday from the cutest little girl ever. I hope you like what is inside. P.S. Tell everyone what it is.
Lord Tourettes: Oh dear. (walks behind tree and opens present)
(the box is full of cookies)
Lord Tourettes: (tries a cookie)
(it's a normal cookie)
Lord Tourettes: (sighs of relief) For a moment I thought these were poison. (walks inside) Wednesday! I got some cookies!
Fifi: (Breaks down an entire wall and attacks Lord Tourettes for the cookies) MY COOKIES!!!
Lord Tourettes: (screams) Get this BITCH off me!
Fifi: (sees party room and eyes grow bid and shiny) PARTY TIME!!! ( runs around knocking things and people over and starting a fire) Tag you it fire!
(Darla casts a protection spell on her, Wednesday, Lord Tourettes, and Broseph.)
Blue: RUN!!! (everyone runs outside)
Lord Tourettes: MY HOUSE! (cries)
Darla: (breaks the forth wall again) Birthdays. Don't ya just love 'em?
(Darla feels a tap on her shoulder)
Fifi: You're my new best friend Santa Clause! (squeezes Darla in a strong hug)
Darla: Get off of me! I don’t even know you! (teleports behind Wednesday)
Lord Tourettes: (yells) GET OUT OF HERE YOU CRAZY PURPLE BITCH!!!!!
Fifi: A bitch is an itch eating a sandwich!
Wednesday: ... (nervously laughs) Yeah... I'm just gonna go meet Stacy at the club now. (walks off with almost everyone else following her)
Lord Tourettes: DAMN YOU EMILY!!!
Wolf: (far off spot looking through binoculars laughing) Now they will think Emily did it.