|The Smartest Dick in the World|
Now what's my next invention?
|Other episodes by the author|
Last Time on Dick Figures
Red & Blue meet Professor Stick (a.k.a Prof. Stick), a crazy inventor who shows Red & Blue all of his inventions.
(Red & Blue are seen walking to a building. Red looks excited while Blue looks tired)
Red: (chanting) One more bar! One more bar! ONE MORE BAR!
Blue: (tired) Dude, I'm so fucking tired! Can we go home?
Red: Just one more bar, bro!
Blue: That's what you said at the LAST bar!
Red: Well this will be the last one! (sees a future like home) What!? Where's my bar!?
Blue: Looks like they shut down.
Red: NOOO! (cries)
Blue: In fact, I've never seen this house before. Must be a new guy. Let's go greet him.
Red: (sees mailbox and reads) Prof. Stick? Is that his name?
(Red & Blue walk inside the house and see Professor Stick writing on a piece of paper)
Prof. Stick: Now let me see, if this works for this machinery, then perhaps....
Red: (grabs Prof. Stick by the collar) Alright buddy, why did you close MY BAR!?
Prof. Stick: (frightened) Oh goodness! Please don't hurt me!
Blue: (slaps Red) Red! Be nice!
Red: Augh! Why the face!?
Blue: Sorry about my friend, he's obsessed with beer.
Prof. Stick: Well is there perhaps anything to stop his aggressive mode?
Blue: (throws burrito near Red) That's how.
Red: BURRITO!!! (eats burrito)
Blue: We're here to welcome you here. Name's Blue
Prof. Stick: My name is Professor Stick, but you may call me my real name, Henry.
Blue: Yeah, I think I'll do that. Oh! And this is Red.
Red: Sup Bitch?
Henry: Uh, nice to meet you Red.
Red: (sees machine) Hey, what's that!?
Henry: That my friend is my very first invention, the color changer.
Blue: (amazed) Whoa! You INVENT things?!
Henry: Done this ever since University my good friend.
Red: (uses machine and turns blue) Whoa! COOL! (imitates Blue) Hi, I'm Blue! (punches himself) I'm so fucking retarded!
Blue: Shut Up!
Henry: Yes, back in high school I invented something that ended up exploding.
Blue: You must have been studying really hard.
Henry: I have my good boy. I've been working on this new rocket ship for 5 years now to save us from The End of the World.
Blue: (remembers back to The World's End) Yeah like LAST time!
Red: What does THIS do? (reads) CLONE MACHINE?!? AWESOME!!! (uses machine and 2 more Reds appear)
Red: Oh no way!
Red #2: Dude, this is amazing!
Red #3: Let's all go get drunk!
All Reds: YEAH!
Blue: I don't think so. (deactivates machine and the two Reds dissapear)
Red: NOO! You killed my friends!
Blue: It was for my own good.
Red: YOU! (strangles Blue) CURSE YOU RETARD!
Blue: (chokes) I apologise!
Henry: (uses mind control on Red) Leave him alone.
Red: What the fuck!?
Blue: Thanks man!
Henry: No problem. (points) Would you like to try out my brain swapping machine?
(Red & Blue look at each other with worried looks)
Red: No thanks.
Blue: Yeah, we're good.
Henry: Well then how about this device allowing you to be transported IN games?
Red: YES!!! (uses device, dissapears and reapears again in Flame War) Where is everyone? (avatar tries shooting Red) SHIT!!! (uses device and transports back) Oh thank god!
Henry: Oh dear! I better get to work now! I teach sience at university)
Blue: Alright then see ya later.
(Timecut to Red & Blue walking down the street)
Blue: Well I gotta say that Prof. Stick sure is a great guy and- (notices Red holding device) Red, did you steal that!?
Red: Yeah! This thing can make ANYTHING! (pushes button and beer pops out) SWEET!
Blue: (thinks) Alright we'll keep it.