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The Smartest Dick in the World

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The Smartest Dick in the World
The Smartest Dick in the World
Now what's my next invention?
Air date 24-6-2013
Written by YoshiRocker13
Other episodes by the author

Slumber Bitches

Last Time on Dick Figures

 Red & Blue meet Professor Stick (a.k.a Prof. Stick), a crazy inventor who shows Red & Blue all of his inventions.



(Red & Blue are seen walking to a building. Red looks excited while Blue looks tired)

Red: (chanting) One more bar! One more bar! ONE MORE BAR!

Blue: (tired) Dude, I'm so fucking tired! Can we go home?

Red: Just one more bar, bro!

Blue: That's what you said at the LAST bar!

Red: Well this will be the last one! (sees a future like home) What!? Where's my bar!?

Blue: Looks like they shut down.

Red: NOOO! (cries)

Blue: In fact, I've never seen this house before. Must be a new guy. Let's go greet him.

Red: (sees mailbox and reads) Prof. Stick? Is that his name?

(Red & Blue walk inside the house and see Professor Stick writing on a piece of paper)

Prof. Stick: Now let me see, if this works for this machinery, then perhaps....

Red: (grabs Prof. Stick by the collar) Alright buddy, why did you close MY BAR!?

Prof. Stick: (frightened) Oh goodness! Please don't hurt me!

Blue: (slaps Red) Red! Be nice!

Red: Augh! Why the face!?

Blue: Sorry about my friend, he's obsessed with beer.

Prof. Stick: Well is there perhaps anything to stop his aggressive mode?

Blue: (throws burrito near Red) That's how.

Red: BURRITO!!! (eats burrito)

Blue: We're here to welcome you here. Name's Blue

Prof. Stick: My name is Professor Stick, but you may call me my real name, Henry.

Blue: Yeah, I think I'll do that. Oh! And this is Red.

Red: Sup Bitch?

Henry: Uh, nice to meet you Red.

Red: (sees machine) Hey, what's that!?

Henry: That my friend is my very first invention, the color changer.

Blue: (amazed) Whoa! You INVENT things?!

Henry: Done this ever since University my good friend.

Red: (uses machine and turns blue) Whoa! COOL! (imitates Blue) Hi, I'm Blue! (punches himself) I'm so fucking retarded!

Blue: Shut Up!

Henry: Yes, back in high school I invented something that ended up exploding.

Blue: You must have been studying really hard.

Henry: I have my good boy. I've been working on this new rocket ship for 5 years now to save us from The End of the World.

Blue: (remembers back to The World's End) Yeah like LAST time!

Red: What does THIS do? (reads) CLONE MACHINE?!? AWESOME!!! (uses machine and 2 more Reds appear)

Red: Oh no way!

Red #2: Dude, this is amazing!

Red #3: Let's all go get drunk!

All Reds: YEAH!

Blue: I don't think so. (deactivates machine and the two Reds dissapear)

Red: NOO! You killed my friends!

Blue: It was for my own good.

Red: YOU! (strangles Blue) CURSE YOU RETARD!

Blue: (chokes) I apologise!

Henry: (uses mind control on Red) Leave him alone.

Red: What the fuck!?

Blue: Thanks man!

Henry: No problem. (points) Would you like to try out my brain swapping machine?

(Red & Blue look at each other with worried looks)

Red: No thanks.

Blue: Yeah, we're good.

Henry: Well then how about this device allowing you to be transported IN games?

Red: YES!!! (uses device, dissapears and reapears again in Flame War) Where is everyone? (avatar tries shooting Red) SHIT!!! (uses device and transports back) Oh thank god!

Henry: Oh dear! I better get to work now! I teach sience at university)

Blue: Alright then see ya later.

(Timecut to Red & Blue walking down the street)

Blue: Well I gotta say that Prof. Stick sure is a great guy and- (notices Red holding device) Red, did you steal that!?

Red: Yeah! This thing can make ANYTHING! (pushes button and beer pops out) SWEET!

Blue: (thinks) Alright we'll keep it.


What do you think about this episode?

The poll was created at 09:04 on June 23, 2013, and so far 44 people voted.

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