|The Wee Lass|
I am Lass the wee cutie
|Location||Drunken Bear tavern|
|Other episodes by the author|
Wee Lass and Blink
Lad's niece is coming to stay with him to see his friend Wolf, But what she doesn't know is that he is a person and not a pet wolf.
(Wolf walks into the tavern to see it empty and closed down,but sees many decorations of celtic designs on stones and banners)
Wolf: Uh what's with the scribbles grave stones?
Lad: They are celtic decorations for me wee Lass!
Wolf: You have a girlfriend coming over? She has weird taste for things that would impress a child.
Lad: Tha's because she is a child ye oaf!
Wolf: You're into children now? You are one sick man.
Lad: She's my niece!
Wolf: And you're into incest.
Wolf: I'm just kidding dude. Calm down, I promise not to be around when she gets here.
Lad: Well that's one of the wee problems!
Wolf: What? she is already here?
Lad: She thinks you are my pet wolf and wants to see you!
Wolf: What in the hell made her think I was a pet wolf?
Lad: In mi letters, I told stories about you as a friend i met and how you defeated many people and demons in adventures!
Wolf: And I am guessing you didn't specify that i was a real person instead of an animal.
Lad: Well you act more animal than a civilized human!
Wolf: True. So all I have to do is show her that i was what you were talking about and then i can go right?
Lad: Why not stay to get to know her more?
Wolf: You know I am as good with kids as much as being good in giving someone sympathy right?
Lad: (thinks for a bit) Aye, I guess. but don't count on her not growing on you like a thistle!
Wolf: If I am able to scare off a girl wanting to get in a relationship with me then this kid is going to be hiding under her blanket for weeks. Not that i intend to do that to you niece though.
(a cab drives up in front of the tavern)
Wolf: How old is this niece of yours?
Lad: She just turned four!
Wolf: She's four and she is taking a cab alone?
Lad: My family tree can take care of themselves!
Little Girl: Uncle Laddy! (runs up to Lad)
Lad: (scoops her up in one hand) How's mi wee sweet Lass? You are just as adorable as i last saw you as a wee babe!
Lass: Your hands are like big ice cream scoopers. does that mean you got me a big ice cream?
Lad: (laughs) Well no but i can get you some right now! (leaves to get ice cream)
Lass: (Looks up at Wolf, who is picking his teeth with a sharp knife, and smiles) I like your hat
Wolf: And it would be wise that you don't try to take it kid.
Lass: (steps abck a bit nervously) Does mi unlce have a pet wolf?
Wolf: (Rolls eyes in frustration) What your unlce clearly forgot to mention in his letters is that the wolf wasn't an animal, it was me.
Lass: (feels a bit awkward) Why is your name Wolf?
Wolf: How should I know? But I guess a good enough answer for you would be that I was raised by wolves.
Lass: Really!? (excited) That is amazing.
Wolf: Oh great she's enthusiastic.
Lass: you don't have fleas do you?
Wolf: Well I stabbed the last one and made a tiny crusifiction for it to warn all other fleas.
Wolf: I see you find death funny.
Lass: I don't like fleas, they tickle me even when I tell them to stop.
Wolf: Okay and i find this conversation going no where. Now if you'll excuse me. (Continues to pick his teeth with a knife)
Lass: (climbs up on the counter and crawls up behind wolf to sit down staring at him) Why do you like to look mean?
Wolf: Because I like it, it's as simple as that.
Lass: Did you really kill a lot of bad men?
Wolf: Men, demons, animals, machines, and even kids.
Lass: No wee lasses like me right?
Wolf: (tosses the knife up and has it land right in front of Lass almost hitting her) You're special. Just like a boy named Blink, you both belong to friends of mine.
Lass: Does that mean I am a wee angel?
Wolf: (Rolls eyes) You don't want me to answer that.
Lass: (pulls the knife out of the counter to hold it) Can I have it Sir Wolf?
Wolf: Don't call me that and aren't you a bit young for that?
Lass: (Swings the knife around) I learned about mi ancestry. Wee lasses used to learn how to fight just like men with swords and bows.
Wolf: That explains why you haven't run off yet.
Lass: Do you really have super powers?
Wolf: Trust me when i say you don't ever want to see my last mode.
Lass: Actually I like to see fearsome things. Uncle Laddy told me in his letter about what you did with your super powers and I think it's absolutly amazing.
Wolf: Did he tell you I am a psychotic murdering sociopath that likes to bathe in blood?
Lass: (Shocked) Um, no. Uncle Laddy forgot to mention that. But you wouldn't do that in front of a wee lass right?
Wolf: I do the most horrid things in front of nuns. If you can't handle it, then you can hide onder a kilt.
Lass: (giggles) You're funny.
Lad: (comes back with the ice cream) Here's the Ice cream for the mi wee lass.
Lass: (hugs Wolf) I like Wol...
Wolf: If you call me Wolfy I will unleash hell on the city!
Lass: (Jumps back frightened and teary eyed) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad.
(Lad gives Wolf a glare)
Wolf: Sorry, I got some idiot running around calling me that and it sets off a nerve.
Lass: Does that mean you like me still? I want people to like me like a wee doll.
Wolf: Please don't say that. It makes me want to kill something really cute.
Lass: Not me, you said I was special.
Wolf: Yes you are but don't let that get to your head.
Lass: (hugs Wolf again) I love you Sir Wolf.
(Wolf frowns as he rolls his eyes back in frustration)
Lad: Aww, isn't that the sweetest wee thing i have ever seen!
Wolf: do you want to know how I can use someone's penis to saw off their head with.
Lad: (For once this scared Lad knowing that Wolf was one to carry out such a threat) Uh, No laddie that won't be necessary.
Fox: (Comes in)
Lad, I got your call about closing work for today and wanted to see if everything was...
(Fox then sees Lass hugging Wolf in the most loving way as Wolf dreaded the look he saw in her expression
Wolf: Oh great, here comes the goo goo train.
Fox: (high pitched voice) Oh my God! This is so adorable! Wolf you look like such a sweety letting her hug you like that! She is just so adorable! I never saw you so loved by a child, this is so precious to see!
Wolf: (turns pale) Can I shoot myself after this?
Lass: You sure are a jest Sir Wolf.
Wolf: Except this wasn't a joke.
Fox: Don't spoil the moment. I love seeing you with her like this.
Wolf: Talking like that makes it harder to resist a bullet to my head.
Lass: No! Your mi friend! I don't like mi friends getting hurt! I will fight off that bullet so it doesn't try to come near you again. (Shakes a fist)
Fox: (adoring Lass) She is just so precious! I love how she looks in her little dress! I love her so much! (Picks up Lass to smother her with hugs and kisses)
(Fox tickled Lass lightly making her giggle)
Wolf: Ugh, I think I'm going to be sick.
Fox: I just want to adopt you for my very own.
Wolf: No! Not only is that a bad idea to have me around as an influence, but she will be around all my weapons.
Lad: Good point!
Fox: Then I would have to work longer in the tavern to be around this little cute angel.
Wolf: Wait till Red hears this.
Lass: Will the great Sir Wolf come too?
Wolf: Maybe not in a way you'll like, but yes I will.
Lad: Welcome to the family Lass!
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