The Wolf Samurai
Samurai Wolf
I am a SAMURAI! I didn't mean Sam are I!
Air date 12-18-13
Written by Alpha-LoneWolf
Directed by Alpha-LoneWolf
Location Japan
Other episodes by the author

Long Lost Idiot

Night of the Ban-SHIT!



Wolf gets lost on his way to a convention. Is this an accident or destiny?


(Through the mountains of Japan, Wolf is seen wandering the slopes)

Wolf: God damn it. (looks at his map) I don't think this is the way to the Power Mode Convention.

(continues to walk through the mountain and reaches a forest)

Wolf: Maybe I should have asked someone to come along... but then it would be boring.

(A shadow watches Wolf in the shadows of the forest)

Wolf: (Senses someone) Hmm, my epic senses are tingling... and I don't mean my penis.

(A tall figure walks towards Wolf in a straw hat and a long robe)

Wolf: Ah fuck, I don't want to do a japanese monologue, we'll be here all day.

Tall person: I have watched you for a long time.

Wolf: Ugh, even when I take a shower in blood? You gay bastard! (Pulls out a sword)

(the tall person starts to pull out a sword as well)

Wolf: Let's just skip the typical japanese monologing and fight the fuck out!

(tall person swings his blade to cut off a bamboo stick and sheaths his blade to catch the stick)

Wolf: The fuck?

Tall Person: Let me see how well you fight.

Wolf: Well at least I can take another bath after I spill your blood.

(Wolf attacks but the person easy dodges and trips Wolf)

Wolf: You cheated!

Tall Person: You lack proper training.

Wolf: Guess it's time to go ninja on you.

(every attempt from Wolf was blocked and evade)

Tall Person: You have the potential of becoming better than you have been taught only if you are set on the right path.

Wolf: (pissed off) Rrgh! Just let me hit you!

(Wolf was fighting more fiercely now and was making close call strikes on the tallperson and having him pushed back)

Tall person: Yes, Your skills are powered by your rage and anger. You are unable to be read and fight with wild instinct. You have the true potential of unlocking a new way of fighting.

Wolf: (finally kick the man into some trees and fall to the ground) Now let me see who my foe is before I bathe in his blood. (pulls the hat and robe off to see three raccoons that were standing on each others shoulders) What the fuck?

Raccoon 1: Werr done, Worf-san, you have passed our test.

Wolf: What the fuck is this and how were you able to talk normally?

Raccon 2: This guy has retarded ass voice (points to the 3rd raccoon)

Raccoon 3: It is a curse for me pronounce "L" correctly... Augh! I did it again!

Wolf: Right... So you have been watching me my whole life like gay perverts?

Raccoon 1: Herr no!

Raccoon 2: Come with us and we wirr exprain.

(the four traveled across the land to a hidden village of farmers and trainning samurai)

Wolf: Bored! When can we see some action?

Raccoon 1: That is for the master to decide.

Wolf: and who might that be, Yoda? (laughs until all kinds of katana's are poitned at him) okay I get the point.

Raccoon 3: Do not disrespect our master it will be the last thing you ever do.

Raccoon 2: God you suck ass when you tark.

Raccoon 1: Yes, seriousry. You sound rearry retarded.

Raccoon 3: Fuck you guys.

Wolf: Look, I love tearing down a person for a laugh as much as the next guy, but can we just get this overwith?

Raccoon 3: Fine, follow me.

Other Raccoons: Retard.

(they enter a house of the master Samurai Raccon. Wolf is placed inside with him as the others leave and close the door behind him)

Master Raccoon: Greetings Worf-San, I am Samurai...

Wolf: Glad to meet you Sam.

Master Raccoon: I am a SAMURAI, I didn't mean Sam are I!

Wolf: Well be more specific next time.

Master Raccoon: Ugh, risten. It has been prophisized that a outsider wourd come to us one day to become the onry samurai of his kind.

Wolf: I'm guessing you just settled for the first person who wandered by.

Master Raccoon: Exactry. It gets very tiresome after waiting arr these years.

Wolf: Hmm, I would probably do the same thing too.

Master Raccoon: Now can we return to the matter at hand?

Wolf: Alright so do I have to do any impossible task or something?

Master Raccoon: yes, and that wirr take a rong ass time.

Wolf: Not if we do a MONTAGE!

Master Raccoon: Now you are speaking my ranguage!

(Shows Wolf going though movements of holding a katana and practicing the ways of the samurai. Wolf starts goofing off with a sword until he accidentally stabs a passing raccoon. He looks to the others with a sheepish grin and shrug until the other raccoon's laugh. A raccoon starts teaching Wolf in a class about the history of the samurai until he sees Wolf sleeping and cuts through Wolf's desk to wake him up.Wolf goes through more advance moves of fighting and and killing more raccoons that got in the way making other raccoons laugh. Again a raccoon teaches the history of fighting and sees Wolf playing video games on a portable devise. The raccoon then slices through the game and gives Wolf a short scolding until Wolf throws the sliced game at the raccoon's face. Then Wolf takes on expert raccoon samurai and has him surpass each opponent. the master raccoon watches and then nods. In class, the raccoon teacher teaches about ways to kill until he starts to sleep from his own lesson. Wolf then wakes him up by using his sword to shave off the back of the raccoon's fur. The raccoon wakes up in shock and looks at Wolf who shakes his head and points back to the lesson for the raccoon to continue. Wolf is then seen running a race with other raccoon for a final test. Wolf and a raccoon are neck and neck as they make a dash for the finish line. Before they reach it the camera goes in slow motion as Wolf tosses an explosive into the paws of the raccoon. The raccoon then fumbles with the bomb before he blows up and Wolf crosses the finish and raises his hands in the air to cheer as the fire from the explosion makes a dramatic ending for the montage)

(after months of training, Wolf is in the house of the Master Raccoon for his graduation ceremony with the Master raccoon holding out a cloth covered pair of swords as Wolf kneels before him in a Kimono)

Master Raccoon: It is as we hoped. You have come to us at rast to furfirrthe prophesy of the first and rast of your kind of samurai. You have proven to be the most unpredictabre and unstoppabre person of arr. You trury deserve the name Worf. (uncovers the swords) these are regendary brades made for the most brood thirtsy and vicious person on earth. Your craving for brood and violence wirr serve these brades werr. I give you Chi No Kiba, meaning Brood Fang. They hord great power to creans any wounds and give you strength for any type of brood you shed with them. (master raccoon then passes them off to Wolf as he takes them and bows) May they bring you many victories.
Blood Fang

(Wolf nods and risesand begins to walk out)

Master Raccoon: Hair the Samurai Worf!

Raccoons: HAIR!

Raccoon 3: Good luck legendary Wolf.

Wolf: (cuts off the raccoon's head) He did sound retared.

(The other raccoons started to cheer and laugh)

Master Raccoon: Oh man, that Worf is something erse.

(Wolf then returns home and is ambushed by Earl Grey, Gerald Butler, and many butlers)

Earl Grey: Well chaps look who decided to come home in a night gown.

Gerald Butler: He looks like my nanny. (laughs)

(In the blink of an eye, Wolf pulls out Blood Fang and cuts Gerald butler into a hundred pieces before placing his sword back in it's sheath)

Earl Grey: (Actually shits his pants) Oh Bloody hell!

Wolf: Mess with the Wolf... (Pulls out his sword) You get Blood Fang.

(Scene cuts out just as Wolf slashes at Earl Grey)



  • 1/5 Unicorn Barf!
  • 2/5 It was like Meh.
  • 3/5 I guess it was... pretty good.
  • 4/5 This is like crazy right?

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