Here is my first comic of Dick Figures for the Dick Figures Fanon. Wolf breaks into Red and Blue's apartment, literally, and convinces them to go on a treasure hunt.
(Blue is playing on the Xcube 5000 while Red is asleep on the couch until a large crash comes through their back wall)
Blue: AHH! WHAT THE FUCK!?!
Red: (screams) AAUUUUGGHH!!! I DIDN’T DO IT!!!
Wolf: (comes through the open wall) Wake up assholes!
(Wolf shoots a rocket behind the couch that Red and Blue were on and sends them flying through the room)
Wolf: (does a hand stand) Hey guys what’s up… or down?
Blue: Wolf! What the fuck?! Why did you shoot us with a fucking rocket?!
Red: Yeah ya big douche, I was dreaming that I was having sex with twenty hot super models.
Blue: You’re paying for this apartment now get out of here!
Wolf: Ok if that's what you want I was just going to invite you guys to a real treasure hunt (shrugs and making a move to leave) but if you want me to leave you to your sleeping and gaming I guess I’ll just…
Red: (interrupts while running past Wolf) Fuck that let’s go!
Blue: God damn it.
To be continued…
Part 2(Wolf, Red, and Blue are moving through the streets as Wolf throws a grenade into a window with a woman screaming just before the explosion)
Blue: (panting) How much… further… is it gonna be?
Red: Don’t tell me you’re getting tired, I’m not even breaking a sweat.
Wolf: We get there when we get.
Blue: (panting) Where… is… there?
Wolf: I don’t know.
Blue: (stops) Wait a fucking minute! Are you telling me you know there’s a treasure but you don’t know where the treasure is?
Wolf: (pulls out a map) That’s why I have a map see?
Red: Whoa, I’ve seen this before it’s a draw it yourself map.
Blue: You drew this map?! How does this make it any better?!
Red: hmm needs more awesome to it. (pulls out a pencil to draw with)
Wolf: It makes it better because only I can read it… sort of. (swings his hand in the air while whacking Blue in the face while Red ducks) Now lets get a move on to that treasure!
Blue: (in pain) Oh my face!
Wolf: (looks up) Ah what do you know we’re already here!
(Red and Blue look up and gasp)
Blue: We’re dead.
(a tall mansion above them displays the mansions name: Resident Left 4 House of the Dead Evil of Silent Hill)
To be continued…
(Wolf, Red, and Blue enter the front room of the mansion)
Red: Wolf, are you sure this is the place?
Wolf: It looks a bit creepier than last time.
Blue: Well this might not be the place, I guess we’ll have to… (a shadow creeps up on Blue as he turn around to see a zombie and screams) AAAAUUUUUGGHH!!! ZOMBIE!!!
(Wolf, Red, and Blue begin to cut and shoot down the zombie, afterwards they get up as Red holds his sword over his shoulder with the zombie’s head)
Red: Wow that was fun, let’s go kill more zombies.
Blue: Are you crazy?! I almost died!
Red: Don’t be such a puss about it.
Blue: Wolf what do you plan to do about the zombies here?
Wolf: Hmmm, I think I got just the thing.
(Wolf, Red, and Blue are then running up the stairs for their lives from a horde of zombies)
Blue: DUDE I MEANT AVOIDING THEM NOT ATTRACTING THEM!!!
Wolf: Well at least we know where they are.
Red: And that we’re running towards the treasure right?
Wolf: Yep, that’s about forty nine more floors up.
Blue: Well that’s not that bad.
Wolf: Of zombie fun.
Red: And a Memesis.
Blue: NOOOOOooooooooooooo… wait what’s a Memesis?
To Be Continued…
(Red and Wolf run inside another room on the second floor closing it behind them)
Wolf: Oh shit they almost got us.
Red: Well it's a good thing something got their attention.
Wolf: Wait. Wheres Blue?
Blue: (trying to open the door) OH MY GOD!!! YOU ASSHOLES LEFT ME BEHIND!!! LET ME IN!!!
Wolf: (opens the door for Blue as he runs in) Oops, sorry man forgot you were out there.
(Wolf slams the door cutting a zombie in half as Blue shivers with fright on the ground)
Red: Dude Wolf, What the fuck? Where is the treasure?
Wolf: Don't worry I have a map. (pulls out a map) Let's see we are down on the second floor and the treasure is in this Boss room here on top of the building so we only have sixty five more floors to go.
Blue: What!?! Sixty Five More!?!
Wolf: Well at least it was't an extra floor more.
Red: Hmm point well made.
Blue: This is just great! We are stuck in a tower with a hoard of zombies, there is no way back down to the exit, zombies are surrounding the whole building, we still have sixty five more floors to go to a treasure that probably isn't worth it, and we have to fight some boss zombie in order to get to it! (another shadow creeps up behind Blue) Fuck there might as well be a mini boss in every other floor!
To be continued...
Part 5(A licker wrapped its tongue around Blue's neck)
Blue: OH GOD HELP ME!!!
Red: Don't worry I got you! (pulls out a bat)
Blue: AHH! No! Not like that!
(Red tries to beat the tongue off Blue but is hitting him instead while Wolf panics when he can't think of a way to save Blue)
Wolf: Ah crap! what do I do?!
(Brospeh then comes out of nowhere)
Broseph: Yo dudes! This place is like crazy right?
(Red, Blue, and Wolf stare at Broseph's sudden appearences and then throws him into the licker in order for it to let go of Blue)
Boesph: OH SHIT! AUUUGH!!!
(The licker begins to rip Broseph apart as the rest of them rushes to the stairs up)
Blue: Better him then me.
Red: He will be missed and remembered for his sacrifice.
Blue: You don't mean that do you?
Red: Not a god damn word.
Wolf: Well his loss is our gain, as in we gain the treaure while he loses his life. Lets go!
to be continued...
Part 6Blue: (Panting) Wait... need to... rest... a bit.
Red: Ha! I could go all night, I'm nocturnal.
Wolf: Well I hope you are cuz we're going to be guessing our way on this floor looking for the next set of stairs.
Blue:WHAT!? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MAP YOU RETARD!
Wolf: Note to self, never blow a wet nose on a map written in ink.
Blue: Come on guys we have to find a way out of here.
Red: I got one! (Shows fat ugly girl) BOOMER!!! (Shoots the fat ugly girl and makes her explode leaving a hole in the wall showing an elevator on the other side)
Blue: Wow. that could work.
Red Now go home.
to be continued...
Red: Augh! It's boring in here! Can't we go out and damn kill Zombies!?
Blue: Let's just get out of here Wolf. This douche bag has been complaining for the last ten floors.
Red: (Snores and talks in sleep) Fucking bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.
Wolf: Rrgh! Fine you bitches.
(Wolf stops the elevator and the doors open to show a large zombie creature coming at them!)
(All three are frozen in fear) Wolf: Wrong floor!
(Wolf presses the door button to slam shut and continues going up)
Wolf: Anyone else want to make a stop?
Red: I love taking the elevator.
Blue: What's a few hundred more floors? I can wait.
(After a moment of silence)
Red: That was one ugly ass vagina.
To Be Continued...