|War of the Dicks|
|Other episodes by the author|
Science No More
Sparkles with Love
There are many great guys out there. But out of all the guys, which is the best? Each will prove even if it involves a crazy war.
(Red & Blue sit in their apartment with bored looks)
Blue: Guess this is catching up on the past, huh?
Blue: (answers) Hello?
Trollz0r: (Aw Yea Face) Duudes! There's a crazy bar that opened! It's got EVERYTHING! (cries) Everything I could want!
Blue: Like what?
Trollz0r: Beer, Dance Parties, Girls and-
Blue: (face palms) Oh no...
Trollz0r: (LOL face) I'm going there!
Red: (rushes outside in lightning speed) MINE!
Blue: Are you fucking kidding!? Pink will kill me!
Trollz0r: It'll only be 30 minutes!
Blue: (sighs) FIne.
(suddenly cuts to the new bar as party music is heard)
Girl: (bored) These men are so crazy.
Raccoon: I can go all night baby. I'm nocturnal. (growls)
Red: (drunk) Hey, hey, hey, hey Broseph!
Broseph: Whoa bro! Nice dance moves! (dances near girl)
Blue: (shocked) Someone please kill me.
(the 5 men walk out)
Blue: (groans) All that racket gave me a headache.
Broseph: Muscular guys like me can handle that shit.
Raccoon: (laughs) You boys act rike chirdren.
Trollz0r: (Rage Crying Face) The party was wicked it makes me feel so awesome!
Red: But we all know who's awesome out of all of us.
(everyone suddenly point to themselves)
Red: What!? Why aren't you guys pointing at me?
Blue: Because your a dick.
Broseph: Please, your such a boring shitty person bro.
Blue: Shut up!
Trollz0r: I'M awesome! I'm a meme!
Red: That sucks!
Raccoon: Oh prease. (pulls out sword) We arr know that I'm da best out of arr of you.
Red: (deep voice) There's only one way to solve this.
All: WAR OF THE DICKS!!!
(suddenly cuts to the olyimpics)
Pink: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the first ever- (pulls out paper and reads it) Uh.. Awesome Bros Competition... I'm your host Pink and this is my co-host Stacy.
Stacy: (loudly) Sup bitches!
Pink: Why did she have to be the co-host.
Stacy: Cuz I'm awesome! (drinks vodka)
Pink: Did Red teach you that?
Stacy: Who's Red?
Pink: (sighs) Never mind. Before we get to the events, let's introduce our competiters.
Stacy: First we have a red guy and-
Pink: Stacy! We have to fully introduce them! In row one we have the (gulps) sexy boy, Red. (shutters)
Red: (points to Pink & Stacy) Hey babies.
(Stacy happily waves at Red while Pink looks away annoyed)
Pink: In row two, we have the sort of cool but I still love guy, Blue!
Blue: (nervous) Must we really do this?
Pink: Good luck Blue!
Stacy: That's my ex down there.
Stacy: Hey who's that? In row three? Nature's Ninja!
(Raccoon pulls the Great Sword of Destiny out)
Raccoon: They carr me da Nature's Ninja.
Raccoon: You just-a said that!
Stacy: No I didn't
Pink: And there's Broseph & Trollz0r, yadda yadda yadda Okay! Time for the first game! Weight Lifting!
Stacy: Pink says you have to win by lifting the weights up the highest.
Pink: And whoever comes last is eliminated.
(Red is seen lifting the 500 pound weight)
Pink: And Red comes first!
(Broseph easily lifts it with one finger)
PInk: How is that possible!?
Broseph: All thanks to my muscles.
(Blue tries lifting it but pulls so hard his arms come off. Blue runs around screaming as blood squirts from his arms)
Pink: BLUE! (runs to him) Let's take you to a hospital!
Stacy: I think the black guy came last?
Trollz0r: (Forever Alone) Why no one cheer for me?
(Raccoon easily lifts the weight)
(after, Pink runs back)
Stacy: So Blue won and Broseph lost.
Pink: No! It's Blue LOSES and Broseph WINS!
Stacy: I thought it was to see who CAN'T lift it.
Pink: (face palms) Idiot. Anyways. Let's keep this going.
(shows Red having sex with a girl, Raccoon & Trollz0r do so as well but Broseph gets slapped in the face. It then shows Raccoon drinking several beer and then cuts to Trollz0r playing games)
Pink: Things are shaping up nicely.
Stacy: And we now have two players left!
Pink: Yes. Red & Raccoon are in the finals. They must face each other in a Death Battle!
Red: Prepare to meet your match Pikachu!
Raccoon: I can go all night baby. I'm nocturnal.
Red: Hey that's my line!
Raccoon: No it isn't
Red: Well that's what I said when I was in your body!
Raccoon: How dare you!
Stacy: 3, 2, 1, FUCK!
Pink: No- It's FIGHT!
Stacy: Whatever I can say what shit I want.
(Red & Raccoon begin sword fighting. Red & Raccoon repeatedly slash swords. Raccoon jumps over Red while Red kicks him when he has the chance)
Red: Too easy Picka-POO!
Raccoon: You need better insults.
(Raccoon uses his sword of destiny to create an earthquake and send Red into the air. Raccoon slashes Red but Red dodges again)
Red: Must- Not- Lose- Fight!
Raccoon: (falls on ground) Rose now and then I shall be more awesome.
(Raccoon tries to slash Red but Red chops his arms off)
Raccoon: (screams in pain)
Red: Hah! I win!
(Raccoon picks his sword up with his mouth and stabs Red)
Red: Shit! Does this mean we tied!
Red: Well I got you first so I win!
Raccoon: Aah Fu- (faints)
(Red faints as well)
Pink: It's a tie!
Stacy: They look so tired.
Pink: They're NOT tired they fainted! (looks down at them) Someone take them to the hospital.
(shows the two lying in hospital beds. Blue walks in)
Blue: You two really killed yourselves this time.
Red: Suck my sore dick!
Raccoon: Aah shut up-a!
Red: Whatever! I'm still awesome!
Blue: I'm so glad I moved out of the apartment.