|We Got a Problem|
|Location||Ball Busters, Simon's Apartment, and Alice's apartment|
|Other episodes by the author|
Ex Marks The Spot
Figure This Out
Right when Simon learns the truth about Alice, they both want to avoid each other, but all of a sudden, they're brains switch out of their bodies, which can only lead to madness. Molly and Veronica take the next big step.
- Adult Content
- Adult Language
- Simon (Semi-antagonist)
- Alice (Semi-antagonist)
- Chad Cop
- Sarah Connors
- Mr. Black (Mentioned)
On a Monday
(Opens with Simon storming out of Alice's apartment looking mad and Alice is chasing after him)
Alice: Simon, look we can talk about this.
Simon: (Angry) No, we can't! There is nothing to talk about, you're in love with me, and I'm with someone else, that means we can't be friends, alright.
Alice: (Grabs Simon's arm) No, we don't have to conclude it like that, I'm telling you, there's something wrong with Sarah, she's not human.
Simon: Maybe your the one who isn't acting human right now! (Pulls Alice's hand off of his arm and storms out of the building as thunder is heard)
Alice: (Follows Simon outside) Simon, please let's just talk about it, come inside it's about to rain!
Simon: (Angry) No! I don't fucking care if I get soaked with rain, I don't want to see you!!
Alice: (Sighs) You know what, go ahead, and if you end up killed, just remember that I told you so!
Simon: I'll try! Now fuck off!!
(Suddenly, lightning strikes on both Simon and Alice and cause them to fall to the ground and become unconscious, where they groan and wake up)
"Simon": Whoa! Why is everything so dark? (Notices the glasses on)
"Alice": Why do I feel two jugs of milk on my chest? (Notices boobs)
Both: Oh fuck!
"Simon": (Shocked) Did we switch brains!?
"Alice": Oh my god! Now I can touch my own boobs! (Rubs her hands around her clothed breasts)
"Simon": (Angry) Stop rubbing your hands around my breasts!
"Alice": Technically it's your breasts, so...
"Simon": Shut up! Now we don't know what to do!
"Alice": I don't know, but I think I may enjoy this. (Continues to rub her clothed breasts) Your breasts are surprisenly big.
"Simon": Thank you, but we have to figure out something out, I can't see anything out of these glasses.
"Alice": You can tell me what it's like to be a woman, cause I hear it sucks.
"Simon": Hey, I can't say the same about men, how do I adjust your balls... (Puts his hands in his pants)
"Alice": No! Not like that! You have to... (Shakes her legs to the left and the right) Shake it to the left, shake it to the right, shake it all around until your balls feel right! "Simon": Your in my body you dumbass, but thanks for the advice.
"Alice": Well now I'm gonna go act slutty in your body, later! (Runs off)
"Simon": Damnit Simon! (Simon faceplams as he walks away, it then cuts to the next morning where Molly and Veronica wake up in Veronica's bed in her apartment)
Molly: (Smiles) Good morning my love.
Veronica: (Yawns) Good morning. (Kisses Molly on the lips for a couple seconds)
Molly: God, I love your apartment, it looks so... adult.
Veronica: If that's a way of saying either cute or like the set of a porno movie, then I'll say thank you.
Molly: I mean it, I could see myself living here, I mean, there's the view of the city, the decorations surrounding the place, the fact that you always have Strawberry yogurt and Diet Pepsi in your fridge.
Veronica: Then why don't you move in?
Molly: (Surprised) Wait... what? Really?
Veronica: Sure, I mean... (Gets up and puts on a robe) We've been going out for four months, I introduced you to my idiot brothers, and I met all your friends, even if they're weirder than the people I usually hang out with. But then again, the people I hang out with constantly talk about Kim Khardasion and Kanye West.
Molly: So... (Gets out and puts on her clothes slowly starting with her shirt) Do you think we're ready?
Veronica: Only if you are.
Molly: (While putting on her pants) Well, I would have to see how Alice would feel about this, she's been kind of crazy over the past few months ever since Simon hooked up with Sarah Connors.
Veronica: I'm sure Alice can handle herself, it's not like your moving out of the country.
Molly: (While putting on her socks) Yeah, but she's my best friend, I'm kind of always there for her.
Veronica: Look, I know how she feels, but maybe once Simon and Alice talk about all the shit that has been going on, things will work out.
Molly: (While putting on her shoes) I hope so.
(Cuts to "Alice"juzzing down beer at Ball Busters as Thomas walks in)
Thomas: (Surprised) Alice? What the fuck are you doing, it's ten in the morning.
"Alice": Uhh... (Uses girly voice) I... felt like having a martini.
Thomas: That's beer.
"Alice": (Uses girly voice) Well then, no wonder, I'm already drunk!
Thomas: Okay Alice, (Takes the beer away) I know your sad and everything about Simon, but we have to focus on Sarah Connors working for Mr. Black.
"Alice": (In her head) Wait, working for Mr. Black. (Using girly voice) What do you mean, work for?
Thomas: Has that alcohol been distracting you from our task? Mr. Black could be plotting to kill us, especially you!
"Alice": (In her head) Oh shit, is he serious? (Using girly voice) Then what should we do now?
Thomas: Maybe once we get Emma here, we can discuss a way to convince Molly that something is wrong with Sarah, since it didn't work with Michael.
"Alice": Great, now I have to go take a dump. (Runs off to the bathroom as Thomas looks confused at Alice)
Thomas: (In his head) Something is wrong with Alice, maybe it's not just this whole Sarah Connors incident.
(Cuts to Simon reading books while wearing a robe sitting on his couch, as his cellphone rings)
"Simon": (Using manly voice) What up!
"Alice": (On the other line) Really Alice? I sound nothing like that.
"Simon": (On the phone) Whatever, while your ruining my body, I'm doing you a favor and fixing yourself up.
"Alice": (On the other line) How?
"Simon": (On the phone) You know, giving your body a deep scrub, cleaning up your apartment, throwing away all your used condoms on the floor, and then organizing all your shit, your welcome.
"Alice": (On the other line) I'm still mad at you, but that crazy talk you were saying about Sarah Connors, it may be true.
"Simon": (Gets up quickly) Yes! I was right! (Moves his hips around while saying "I was right, you were wrong, everything is alright")
"Alice": (On the other line) We got a problem.
"Simon": (Sits back down) Okay, what is it? And hurry, I wanna organize your emails.
"Alice": (On the other line) She is still going to kill you, more importanly, me, since I'm in your body!
"Simon": (On the phone) Oh shit, well only Thomas and Emma believe me on this whole situation, but no one will believe that we switched brains.
"Alice": (On the other line) We have to figure out a way otherwise, my girlfriend will kill me, literally!
"Simon": (On the phone) Look, how about we meet at my place, we can discuss the plan privately.
"Alice": (On the other line) Anything to help me get out of your body, I'll see ya later.
(Back inside Ball Busters, Emma arrives through the front door and approaches Thomas)
Emma: (To Thomas) what's up big brown!
Thomas: (Annoyed) I told you, I don't like that nickname.
Emma: Whatever, so where's Alice, we got to think of a new plan to expose Sarah Connors.
Thomas: I want to, but... (Looks around and gets up close to Emma) I think Alice is losing it.
Emma: What makes you think that?
Thomas: She was drinking out of the beer nozzle when I walked in this morning, she used a fake, girly voice, and rushed to the bathroom, either she's crazy, or someone is impresonating her.
Emma: Do you think it's Sarah impersonating Alice?
Thomas: I don't know, probably.
(Alice walks out of the bathroom)
"Alice": (Using girly voice) Oh, hi!
Emma: (Quickly) It's a fake, get her!
(Thomas and Emma tackle Alice to the ground, holding her arms back)
Thomas: Reveal yourself Sarah!
Emma: Or is that even your real name?
Thomas: How do you even do that!
"Alice": No! Stop! Stop it! Big brown, sis! It's me!
Thomas: I hate that nick... (Surprised) Wait, is that really you Simon?
"Alice": Yes. (Thomas and Emma let Alice go as she stands up) It's a crazy story, but Alice's brain is in my body, and my brain is, obviously, in her body.
Thomas: Are you serious?
"Alice": Yes, I am. (To Emma) And how did you know I was a fake Alice?
Emma: Because how Alice has been acting, she wouldn't say Oh before Hi.
"Alice": Anyways, I know about what's going on, kind of.
Thomas: (To Alice) How much do you know?
"Alice": I know that Sarah is trying to kill me, Alice.
Emma: How about that she's also Chad Cop, my ex-boyfriend.
Thomas: Yup, and I found out about Sarah through the phone.
"Alice": Okay, well I'm meeting Alice, who's in my body, at her apartment, we'll all meet there, and we can discuss our further plan, because if anything involving Mr. Black comes into the picture, we have to stop it.
Emma: Alright, but wait, Molly and Michael are the only two people who don't know.
"Alice": I'll figure something out.
(Back at Alice's apartment, Simon is getting a board together with several faces and papers pinned to it, as Molly walks in looking surprised)
Molly: (Shocked) Simon, what the hell are you doing to my apartment!?
"Simon": (Turns around) What? (In his head) Shit, Molly doesn't know, what can I do to fix this? (Using manly voice) We're having a meeting here, because... Ball Busters is... infested with rats.
Molly: (Confused) I was there this morning, it was perfectly fine.
"Simon": Uhhhhhh.... (Using Manly voice) Do you want a drink?
Molly: (Faceplams) Simon, I get that Alice has become a drunk, but don't remind us that you drink even more than her.
"Simon" (Using manly voice) Right.
Molly: Now get this shit out of here, I'm waiting for Alice, she said that we had to talk, besides I have to talk to her too.
(Suddenly, Alice, Thomas, and Emma walk inside)
"Alice": Molly! We have to talk.
Molly: Yeah we... (Confused) Wait, Alice why do you have Simon's voice.
(The room is silent for a few seconds)
"Simon": Cause, we... kind of got our brains switched somehow.
Molly: (Shocked) How!?
"Alice": Whatever, we'll deal with it later, but we have to tell you something...
Molly: Can it wait, I have bigger news.
"Simon": Is it for me or Simon.
Molly: It's for... (Points at both Simon and Alice) Gah! I'm confused!
Michael: (Walks in through the front door) Guys, I have some big news!
"Simon": No Michael, we have bigger news!
Michael: (Surprised) Holy shit, what the fu...
"Alice": (Interrupts) We'll explain later, but...
"Simon": Sarah Connors is working for Mr. Black!
(Molly and Michael look confused and just stare at everyone for a couple seconds)
Molly: And people think I'm crazy, this takes the cake!
Michael: Actually, it isn't crazy after all. (Steps aside as Chad Cop walks inside)
Chad Cop: Hello people.
(Everyone except for Michael is surprised and angry at Chad Cop)
Emma: (Angry) Chad, what the fuck do you want you... actually, Sarah, what are you doing here!?
"Simon": Are you trying to kill all of us at the same time!?
Chad Cop: Let me explain. (Shape shifts into Sarah Connors)
Sarah Connors: This is all a setup. (Shape shifts back into Chad Cop)
"Alice": Wait, what!?
Chad Cop: I'm actually working for the FBI, I'm working undercover on a case involving Mr. Black to find his weaknesses and weapons, so that we can plan to attack him later in the future.
Thomas: And they picked you because you can transform into a slutty woman?
Chad Cop: That's right.
"Alice": So all this time, I was going out with a man in disguise!?
(Chad Cop looks confused)
Chad Cop: I'm sorry, but what are you even talking about?
"Simon": It's a long story, but luckly it helped us get down to the truth about this.
Emma: And this whole time, me and Simon were just, used to bring down criminals?
Chad Cop: Yes, everything I said was a lie, all part of the investigation.
"Simon": What about when Thomas heard that you were suppose to kill me!?
Chad Cop: (Chuckles) I was bluffing, I told him I took care of my job of eliminating all of you, so you can thank me for saving all of you, as Mr. Black has learned that Sarah Connors has been captured by the FBI, and he pretty much just forgot about Sarah, now all of you are safe.
"Alice": (Shocked) I can't believe this, I was starting to have an actual relationship with a woman, and now, it was all bullshit!
"Simon": But wait, I was just used as a crazy girl, it was all a game?
Emma: I was used, and I was about to know what a relationship was.
Molly: Okay, now that all the news is coming, I should just say this. (To Simon) Alice, in Simon's body, I'm moving in with Veronica.
"Simon": (Surprised) Wait, now!!
Thomas: Oh... (Pats Molly on the shoulder) good for you.
Molly: (Smiles at Thomas) Thank you, it took a lot of thinking, plus I was only going to move in with Alice temporaryly, and Veronica and I are just in love, it feels right.
(The room is silent for about five seconds)
Chad Cop: (Rubs the back of his hat) Okay folks, I'm just going to leave, hope you enjoy your day.
(Chad Cop leaves as Thomas approaches Michael)
Thomas: How did you figure this out?
Michael: I really wanted to know why Emma and Chad Cop broke up, so I visited him a few weeks ago after he and Emma broke up, and he told me everything, so I just faked knowing that I didn't know anything.
Michael: I wanted to see how everything would unravel.
Thomas: Well, it's all figured out, we were basically used for a government case.
Michael: I got a question, Molly just announced that she's moving in with Veronica, how are you feeling?
Thomas: (Sighs) I'm feeling pretty good, I realized that Molly and Veronica are in love, I don't want to be the other man who breaks up true love, besides, there are many of fish out in the sea.
Michael: Wow Thomas, it's great to see that your looking past this.
Thomas: It's just the right thing to do.
(Simon and Alice walk out of the building)
"Simon": So there you go, we learned the whole truth.
"Alice": Yeah, and that truth is that women should never be trusted, ever!
(Lighting strikes both of them, and their brains are back in their bodies)
Simon: Ugh! I hate that, just like I hate women! I don't want to see any woman, especially you Alice. (Begins to walk away)
Alice: Simon, wait. (Gets up)
Simon: No! Listen, I can't trust anyone now, because right when I get involved with a woman, I can't trust her, either she's a shape shifter, a government agent who was only using me, or someone who just lied straight to my fucking face! How will I know if I even trust you Alice!?
Alice: (Sighs) Simon... (Rain begins to pour from the sky) We have known each other for years, you know me, I know you, we've seen each other naked even, you know who I am, and right now, everyone just thinks I'm the crazy girl for these situations, just to solve everything, I really need you right now, please don't be like this!?
(Simon stares at Alice for a couple seconds then turns around)
Simon: Then find someone else, cause I don't think a crazy person will help me right now. (Walks away)
Alice: (Yells) Simon!!
(Alice begins to cry and walks back inside her home, as it shows a montage of Alice inside the blanket of her bed crying her eyes out, Molly packing her stuff into boxes, Emma looking carefully at her crack stem, Simon smashing a wall with a bat in his apartment, Thomas relaxing at home, as he looks at a picture of Molly and turns the picture around the opposite side on his coffee table, and Michael looking around Ball Busters as nobody is inside, as the camera fades out of Ball Busters and out to a sky view of the city)
Created by AndrewBrauer
Written by AndrewBrauer
-Lightshow Episode 19-
- The second time Fanons had their brains switched, the first was 4x Brains Switch.
- The end of the storyline involving Sarah Connors and Chad Cop.