|Season 1, Episode 3|
Blue's Guide to Virginity
- Mr. Dingleberry
(The adventure begins with Derek and Sylvia sitting on a cliff.)
Derek: Here. I got you a present.
Sylvia: Aww! Thanks!
(She opens up the box.)
Sylvia: *GASP*! A diamond ring! How much did this cost you?
Derek: 10,000 dollars...
Sylvia: AUGH! You cunt! You spent all of our rent money!
Derek: Sorry! You are so FUCKING hard to impress!
Sylvia: Not my fault you dated the alpha bitch.
Derek: Oh, and I'm mister sensitive. Suck on one, you fart-fucker.
Sylvia: Fine! Go be a whiny bitchcunt somewhere else!
(Derek is in his apartment, sitting on his couch eating icecream.)
Derek: (Maybe I should leave Sylvia...she is pretty mean.)
(Sylvia enters the apartment.)
Derek: Oh, look. It's Bitchy Whinehouse.
Sylvia: Derek...we need to talk.
Derek: Yeah. I know. You wanna dump me. What a cliché.
(Sylvia closes the door.)
Derek: What a bitch.
(Cut to Mr. Dingleberry talking to Sylvia.)
Dingleberry: You want to evict Derek Snikne?
Sylvia: Yes...(God, what am I doing?)
Dingleberry: Well, to evict someone, you have to evict me of my VIRGINITY.
(20 VERY AWKWARD HARD MINUTES LATER)
Sylvia: Okay, evict Derek now(Oh god oh god oh god).
DB: Okay then. *over intercom* Derek Snikne, please bring all your belongings downstairs.
Sylvia: See ya!
(She exits the building as Derek comes downstairs.)
DB: You're being evicted.
(Outside the building.)
Sylvia: The winner plays her gambit...
Sylvia: What have I done...what have I done...
(Back to Derek)
Derek: You are saying Sylvia is evicting me from the building? Where is she?!?
DB: She left.
Derek: *groans* She can't evict me!
DB: She's the owner of the building!
Derek: (That bitch...) I'll be right back.
(Derek runs to Sylvia and punches her in the face.)
Derek: YOU BITCH!
(He takes out a gun and shoots her.)
Sylvia: You're...the real...bitch...
(Sylvia flops to the ground.)
Derek: Seems like the game has changed.