You Better Duck
You better Duck
Extreme Dunk Hunt
Air date 2013
Written by Alpha-Lonewolf and HungryGrox
Other episodes by the author

Birth of SHH

Fifi and the Wolf



After the world gets invaded by ducks with machine guns. The two (worst) friends Wolf and Grox embark on a (not so) grand quest to save the world (but mostly themselves) from the duck invasion.


(Over the city, gun mounted ducks fly out of a portal to shoot everything in sight. Grox and Wolf are falling back through streets firing at Ducks as they move towards the Maulmart)

Wolf: (holds a mini gun) Get some of this bird feed!

Grox: (Loads pistol and fires at the ducks) How far off is the Maulmart?

Wolf: About two more blocks.

(A squadron of ducks fly in to their right flank)

Grox: Good, not to far away (cooks grenade and throws it) shit they're about to surround us

Wolf: Over my dead body, DIE DUCK DINNERS! (sprays down another passing group of ducks)

(Soon the Maulmart is in sight)

Grox: (Runs faster to it) Come on Wolf!

(Wolf drops the mini gun and rushes after Grox)

Wolf: Looks like we're gonna make it.

Grox: Let's just hope some huge monster duck doesn't appear infront of us

(A duck bomb squadron flies over the Maulmart to intercept Wolf and Grox)

Wolf: Well it isn't a duck monster.

Grox: True that.

(Then the duck bombs were being pick off By Red and Blue from the Maulmart Roof)

Blue: Come on!

Grox: (Sprints to the doors and break them open)

Red: Leeroy Jenkins!

(Wolf jumps in after Grox and Red and Blue jumps down a hatch and closes it)

Wolf: (out of breath) Whew! We got to make this a daily routine .

Grox: Of course, almost getting killed by ducks.

(Wolf and Grox look around to see most of the friends they know around the Maulmart)

Grox: Good, most people are here...

Wolf: Hopefully the others missing are the one we don't care about.

Grox: Yeah, so... ducks... seems legit.

Pink: Grox!

Grox: (Looks up) Hi.

(Pink hugs Grox as Wolf snickers at them)

Pink: What's going on out there?

Grox: Ducks, that's what's going on.

Blue: (comes over) But where did they come from and why?

Grox: (Looks at Wolf) You are often involved in these sort of things, do you have any idea?

Wolf: Why do you always assume it's me?

Grox: Because you have gotten me into shit quite a lot.

Red: Doesn't matter where they came from, i'm going to have a duck dinner feast when this is over!

Blue: Red shut up this is serious!

Grox: Do you guys have any communications?

Blue: Trollz0r you got anything?

Trollz0r: Why you no knock? (still trying to find a signal on a radio) Nothing yet captain.

Blue: Fuck!

Wolf: Ok, let's skip who is here and move onto who isn't.

Red: (Pulls out a list) Dingleberry, Fat Ugly Girl, Lord Tourettes, Stacy, and Fox.

Wolf: Are you sure that Fifi isn't on there?

Grox: Alright, do you know where they are?

Fifi: (tackles Wolf) WOLFY!!!


Grox: If we run out of food, she's first to be eaten.

Fifi: I taste like cookie poop in a whale.

(Everyone stares at her)

Wolf: Right.

Grox: Alright, we'll move from the bottom up, do you guys know where Fox is?

Pink: Fox is at her house alone.

Wolf: Let's see that's about three miles away.

Grox: Looks like we're going out again. (Gets a assault rifle and loads it)

Blue: Whoa, wait, on foot? You'll never make it like that.

Grox: You got anything better?

Broseph: Well the only thing we have is my sports car in the garage but the only one who can drive it is...

(Wolf punches Broseph)

Grox: We'll use it then. Give me the keys.

Blue: Wait i'm going too!

Grox: You? You can barely aim

Red: I still want to get a little sweet reward from Fox!

Blue: I helped you get here, so at least let me go too.

Grox: Atleast Blue, what do you say Wolf?

Wolf: (thinks) well we do need live bait right?

Blue: What!?

Grox: Blue is enough as live bait

Wolf: Either stay or accept.

Blue: (sighs) Fine I'll be the bait.

Red: I wanna be bait too!

Grox: Nope we're full.

Blue: Red just stay here and protect everyone.

Wolf: Yeah we'll even get Stacy for you.

Grox: Where is your car?

Blue: Broseph's car is on the first floor garage.

Grox: Good. (knocks Broseph out and takes his car keys)

(Wolf peeks through the garage door to see Ducks patrolling on the ground)

Wolf: Ground forces.

Grox: (Walks up to the car) I'll drive.

Wolf: Damn roof (uses lightsaber to cut the roof off) there room to shoot.

Blue: what about all those duck patrols?

Wolf: (tosses a flamethrower on Blue) Ever prepared roast duck?

Grox: Good plan.

(Wolf sets up a map)

Wolf: Ok Fox is on the other side of town which means we'll have to cut through the city to reach her quicker.

Blue: But that's where all the ducks are!

Grox: (Mounts a .50 cal machine gun on the car) Seems like the best plan we've got.

Wolf: (laughs) It just sounds funny to hear you so afraid of ducks.

Blue: Shut up!

(The car is suddenly a futuristic military vehicle)

Grox: I think we're good to go.

Wolf: Let's go on another Fox hunt, now hit it!

Grox: (Gets in)

(They speed out of the garage and are soon pursued by an aerial assault of ducks)

Wolf: Blue anytime now!

Blue: Alright! (starts burning ducks out of the air)

Grox: Wolf we've got aerial lock on rocket systems. You better fucking use them!

Wolf: I'm navigating. Blue will use it when he runs out of fire.

Grox: (Makes a rapid turn to the left and drives through a store)

(Up ahead a group of ducks release a bush from the air to make a road Block)

Wolf: SHIT!

Grox: (Makes a rapid turn to the left and drives through a store)

Wolf: Blue use the rockets!

Blue: What why!?

Wolf: Just do it!


(Blue shoots out five rockets that destroys the building supports as the ducks begin to fly in the store in pursuit. The car crashes through the wall to the store and Grox proceeds to drive onto a road)

Wolf: Ok they are dropping stuff on us so we have to be careful of...


Grox: (Quickly evades it) Phew... that was close

(Ducks drop a giant donut from behind as it rolls after them)


Blue: (Panics) What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?

Grox: Looks like it's going to get rough (drives right through wall on right)

Wolf: Ok let me see the map

Blue: Ugh i think i'm gonna be sick...

Grox: (Drives out on another road in a more closed area) Ducks won't drop stuff on us now.

(Quacks from above)

Blue: Oh no.

(Ducks carrying toxic waste tubs fly over them)


(Ducks spill over the waste)

Grox: SHIIIIIIT (Accelerates and drives past the waste. Then throws gun shaped thing to Blue) Scan the skies with this!

Blue: OK! Ok (scans the skies) now what?

Grox: (Looks on radar) There are hundreds, no thous- a million of them!

Wolf: Where is the location from where they are coming?

Grox: (Looks closer) They're comming from all sides!

Wolf: I mean is there a point on the radar showing them coming out of nowhere?

(Radar shows a spawning point near Cyberdime)

Grox: What the hell...

Wolf: What?

Blue: What is it?

Grox: More of them, numbers are reaching the tens of millions!

Wolf: Fuck, do you know anything about closing portals?

Grox: No, not at all.

Blue: Even if we did wouldn't it have to be from where they came from?

Wolf: Oh right.

Grox: (Opens radio program on built in software in the car)

Blue: What are you doing?

Grox: (Gives Blue tablet with live video of duck attacks around the world)

Blue: Oh fuck...

(Radar bleeping rapidly)

Wolf: What, what is it?

(Radar shows all ducks heading towards the car from all directions)

Grox: A million ducks trying to get us, why?!

Blue: We're gonna die!

Wolf: (hits Blue) Snap out of it man!

Grox: (Drives down in subway) WOLF GET ON THAT .50 CAL!

(Wolf mounts the gun)

Wolf: Duck season is open! (Shoots Ducks as they swarm after them)

(Drives on railway tracks)

Blue: Are you sure this isn't the oncoming tracks?

Grox: There are no trains dipshit!

(Train horn sound off behind them)

Wolf: You were saying!

(Car starts to run out of fuel and ducks are operating the train)

Blue: Oh come on this is getting stupid!

Grox: Jump on the train when it comes!

Blue: But i don't think...

Wolf: Just do it if you want to see pink again!!!

Grox: (Gives him assault rifle and shoots through the glass in the front)

Wolf: (Throws a stun grenade in) Go!

Grox: (Jumps on the train)

(Ducks are stunned inside the train)

Grox: (Fires at the ducks) Come on!

Wolf: (Jumps right after and turns to Blue) Jump!

Blue: Okay

(The car drops in speed and bumps into the car almost throwing Blue off)

Wolf: Ah shit!

Blue: Help!

Wolf: You have something Grox?


Wolf: Oh I got it.

(Blue tries to jump just as Wolf shoots a rocket behind Blue to boost his jump onto the train)

Blue: (Breathes heavily) Are you crazy?!

Grox: (Fires through the door) Blue you drive the train!

Blue: (gets on the controls) What are you going to do?

Grox: Me and Wolf will clear out the train.

Wolf: Wonderful (pulls out a riot shotgun)

Grox: You go first and I'll provide covering fire.

Blue: Ok I'll try to stop the train when it get's near Fox's house.

Grox: The closest we will get to her house is half a mile.

(Wolf swings the door open to the next car as he starts to blast every duck in his way)

Grox: (Shoots down ducks he does not get while he runs after him)

Wolf: Shooting duck in a barrel!

(Continues to move down each car and reloads after he clears out the next one and reaches the end)

Wolf: I think that's all of them.

Grox: Good (gives him special military suit) put this on (puts on own suit)

(Massive duck quacking is heard down the tunnel from behind them and a large swarm of ducks come into view and start firing on them)


(Wolf crawls back to the next car) Grox: (Fires at them) Can you pull out some 45 mm magazines?

Wolf: yeah here (tosses the mags) Wait! I have an idea, we'll rig the cars with explosives and detach them from the first one and take them all out in the tunnels! What kind of explosives do you have?

Grox: Ugh... (shoots ducks with pistol while looking around in backpack) C4, some of this black and blue dust and... that's it.

Wolf: Fine we'll use the C4 black dust and save the blue for later.

Grox: No I meant the dust is black and blue. We'll just use 50% of the dust

Wolf: Fine.

(Rigs the 2nd front car with explosives and connects it to the detonator and grabs the handle to detach the rest of the train cars)


Grox: (Runs up to him) Hit it

(Wolf pulls handle and the rest of the train begins to fall back towards the duck swarm)

Wolf: (Hands Grox the detonator) Will you do the honor?

Grox: Absolutely (presses it as the rest of the train explodes and kills the ducks pursuing them)

Wolf: Whew, we're in the clear for now

Grox: Now put on that suit I gave you.

Wolf: (puts on suit)

Blue: Guys! We're almost there!

Wolf: Alright slow down the train.

(Train soon comes to a stop and the three come out of the train)

Grox: Blue, you'll stay here while me and Wolf get Fox.

Blue: But what if those ducks come back?

(Wolf snickers again)

Grox: Give him a flamethrower, a M4 carbine and a MP7 submachine gun. All with ammo.

Wolf: (Drops out all Blue needs) Do you have a cloak suit at least Grox?

Grox: For who?

Wolf: For Blue.

Grox: (Gives Blue a cloaking suit) Yeah.

Blue: Ah dude thanks (puts suit on)

Grox: (Cloaks himself) Cloak yourself Wolf.

(Wolf cloaks himself takes point and searches around for any duck)

Grox: (Puts on silencer on weapon) And get something silenced

Wolf: (Pulls out tech bow and arrow) Even better .

Grox: That'll do.

(They move silently until they reach Fox's street)

Grox: Alright listen (Looks closer at her house) there's 50 ducks in there holding her hostage, wow that sounded silly

Wolf: Maybe not, she may have been able to get in her safe room before they got in. (Readies three explosive arrows)

Grox: Maybe, my infrared cameras are not that good so I only see ducks and her.

Wolf: I'll shoot these in the distance to try to lure some of them off.

Grox: Wait. (Runs up to her house without any ducks noticing) Okay now.

(Wolf shoots off arrows and blows up at a far distance. Half the ducks fly in that direction as the others stay put)

Grox: (Breaks into her basement by basement windows)

Wolf: (Via comm) Do you see the safe room?

Grox: (Comm) Yeah (Breaks open her door) I see her.

Fox: (injured and weary) G-Grox?

Grox: (Via the comm) Clear our path Wolf. I'm getting her out

Wolf: (turns off cloak)You messed with the wrong Wolf! (Lights the whole top house on fire)

Grox: (Carries her to the window, lifts her out, climbs out and picks her up) You finish the rest of them off!

(Wolf continues to torch the ducks. Grox carries Fox to the train and puts her in)

Blue: Oh God! what happened to her?

Grox: Less talk now, more talk later (contacts Wolf) GET OVER HERE!

(Wolf rushes down the stair and plants a motion detector mine on the ceiling)

Wolf: (Jumps on) I'm in!

Grox: (Jumps on) Alright let's drive back! (Sits down)

(Soon a explosion is heard from where they left)

Wolf: That should close that entrance.

Grox: Good (gets out some medical supplies and tries to help Fox)

Blue: (kneels near Fox) Hey it's me Blue, I came to help too.

(Wolf finds a med kit and brings it over)

Grox: Good Wolf, this might sting a little (injects her with pain lowering medicine with a syringe)

Fox: (Weakly smiles) Good for you (pats Blue's face)

Wolf: Hey remember Pink is your girlfriend.

Blue: (Blushes) Uh i know that! Wait what about Stacy?

(Grox sews close some of Fox's wounds)

Wolf: I just said that to keep Red back

Fox: Damn birds ruining my body.

Grox: I'll fix it up better when we get back. Can't do much with the limited supplies we have here. So now tell me Wolf. Do you have anything to do with this?

Wolf: (Awkward shrug) Maybe.

Blue: What! You said you didn't have anything to do with this!

Grox: I knew you had something to do with this. Now tell me. How did this begin?

Wolf: I just asked why do you always assume it's me, I didn't say I didn't cause it.

Blue: What did you do?

Wolf: I went forward in time to duck hunt since the past is to dangerous to do that and i managed to shoot a duck into a chemical lab and make it smart and strong beyond a normal human. I could only guess he multiplied by cloning an army and making a portal to this time to wipe us out.

Grox: (Throws Wolf into a window of the train)

Fox: GROX!

Blue: Whoa man what are you doing?!

Grox: Sorry, he caused all of this. And possibly humanity's end seeing how 30 million people are already dead.

Wolf: (Dusts self off) You say this as if it's over

Grox: Yes I do, why?

Wolf: This duck is clearly from the future right?

Blue: Yeah?

Grox: Wait I just realised. Humanity can't end. As you went into the future and mankind was still fine.

Wolf: And if he's ok then we still have a shot at this.

Fox: So what do we do?

Grox: Firstly we'll have to get you back.

Wolf: And then find the first duck who is obviously still cloning himself, and end him.

Blue: Yeah that could work.

Grox: But we still have 50 million ducks left to kill.

Wolf: Or we can throw a nuke into the portal to end it like that.

Fox: If we kill the first duck from the future the rest will cease to exist.

Grox: But that will create a paradox.

Blue: Doesn't paradoxes only affect the future?

Grox: You want me to explain it all? Alright, let me ask you a question. How far into the future did you travel?

Wolf: About three thousand or so.

Fox: You traveled over 3,000 years just to shoot a duck?

Wolf: I wanted to play it safe.

Grox: Alright, so if we kill the duck in the future. That means he would've never created the duck army. Which would mean we would never have been under attack. Meaning we never went to the future to kill him. Meaning he never made a army to attack us. Meaning we woul- yeah you get it.

Wolf: But we aren't traveling to the future where he turned smart, we're just going to kill him in his present future as he's cloning. If the cloning host dies, the others will follow. Phantom Menace style.

Blue: What would that accomplish from Grox's theroy?

Fox: If Wolf didn't learn from this, he would just cause another event like this.

Blue: I guess that makes sense.

Wolf: That portal is the door to his present. He is in there right now cloning more. We send a bomb, kill him and poof no more invasion.

Grox: That will only stop him from creating more ducks. The ducks now won't go away like that. And now there's 70 million all over the entire world.

Wolf: He's the host! He is the beating life source to them.

Grox: Um, it's not like that. The ducks are just as seperate from him like normal ducks are. But we will find out some way to kill all of them.

Wolf: He is using a quick cloning device, that's why they are multiplying so fast.

Grox: Yeah but it uses technology that is the same as giving birth. So killing him would be as pointless as killing someone's grandmother. Except that there would be no new ducks.

Fox: Grox we could at least try it.

Grox: Alright, I am sorry for being so stubborn. But I guess it wouldn't hurt. If it doesn't work. Then we'll come up with something new.

Blue: But first we got to Bring Fox to safety.

Grox: Of course.

(Soon they arrive at the Maulmart subway and help Fox back to the group inside)

Grox: (Puts her on a table and gets some medical supplies)

Wolf: I'm gonna need to take off your shirt

Blue: (Shocked) Really?!

Grox: I am gonna need you to lay down Fox (prepares syringe)

(Wolf lays Fox down as she grabs his hand)

Fox: Thanks for coming Wolf.

Wolf: (Shrugs) No prob sis.

Grox: (Puts two fingers on her throat and checks her pulse) Yep, going to need to inject you with adrenaline (injects the syringe into her arm) Also, can I get back that suit? That shit costs a lot.

Wolf: Whatever i barely use cloaking anyway. (Gives back the suit)

Grox: (Puts it in a backpack and removes the syringe) Alright now that your heart is beating at normal speeds we'll need to fix the wounds, where are you hurt?

Fox: Arms... back, thighs... (Hisses in pain) and neck.

Wolf: Okay, change of plans. I'm going in that portal and taking out that duck with my bare hands and an empty stomach.

Grox: I'll be going with you right after I fix her up (looks closer at one of her arms) severe damage, first degree burns. (Sews the wounds and applies ointment to the burns)

Wolf: Dibs on the duck's head.

Grox: Just let me have the legs then, they will make some fine KFC. Even though it's a duck it will still be good.

Wolf: You mean KF"D" (laughs)

Grox: Yeah sure.

Fox: Wolf?

Wolf: Yep?

Grox: (Turns Fox over and looks at her back) Cutting wounds, bullet wounds, 3rd degree burns and tearing of the skin.

Fox: Make sure you save me a wing.

Wolf: (Rolls his eyes) Okay I will.

Grox: (Bandages up major wounds) We don't have enough supplies for the smaller wounds. Atleast you won't bleed to death.

Wolf: How much more do you need to work on?

Grox: (Bandages up areas around her thigs) The bigger ones are done (gives her pills) take these when the pain comes back.

(Fox nods)

Wolf: Ready?

Grox: Also if the bleeding won't stop take these pills. You might feel a bit dizzy but you won't die. And now I am ready.

Wolf: Good. Blue! Keep a deadly eye over Fox 'till i get back!

Grox: If she faints, check her pulse. Give her some adrenaline with the syringe to your right.

Blue: You got it.

Red: What!? Why can't I do it?

Grox: Pink, watch over Blue. Just so he doesn't do anything.

(Wolf prepares a remote control missile outside)

Pink: Oh you bet I will (glares at Blue)

Blue: What? I won't do anything like that.

Red: I would!

Grox: (Walks out to Wolf) So what do we do if this does not work?

Wolf: I don't know I just make it up as I go. (Hops on the missile and straps in)

Grox: (Also gets on)  Hey remember those ash grenades we used in the future, could I have one?

(Wolf gives one to Grox)

Wolf: Okay there will be many ducks trying to shoot us down when we get close, so shoot them down first.

Grox: Got it (loads rifle)

(Wolf launches the missile and shoots off towards the portal gateway. Soon many ducks start to close in on them)

Wolf: Extreme Duck Hunt Bitches!!! (shoots down incoming ducks)

Grox: (Shoots many ducks) Damn they are many! If this doesn't work we'll have 150 million ducks about to kill us all!

Wolf: (Pulls out a device) Hope this works

Grox: What's that?

(Wolf acticates the device and a high frequency sound erupts causing the ducks nearby to drop instantly)

Wolf: (covers ears) I think it's working!

Grox: You don't need to cover your ears. You humans can't hear that.

Wolf: I am named Wolf for a reason.

Grox: So blue colors are green to you? Or are your eyes still as a human's?

Wolf: Still human.

Grox: Wolf, I've got it. Even though your idea won't work as planned. I know what can take out the already existing ducks.

(They both are coming close to the portal gateway)

Wolf: Great save it for later!

Grox: (Pulls out small computer and hacks random stuff with it)

(They reach the portal and enter to find themselves in a large cloning room)

Wolf: (jumps off the Missile) ALRIGHT DUCK WHERE ARE YOU!?

(A thousand ducks suddenly look at Wolf and Grox)

Grox: Good going, now what?

Wolf: Uh... Improvise

Loud Voice: WAIT!

Wolf: (turns) Oh there he is

(A giant fat duck towers over them with a cloning helmet device on his head)

Wolf: Fox is going to have one giant duck wing when we get back


Grox: Hah... yeah... about that...

Alpha Duck: SILENCE!!!

Wolf: What's ruffling his feather?

Grox: Hey Mr. asshole. Why are you going apeshit on the 21st century humans?


Grox: Cool, but wait. Won't you create a paradox? If you kill all humans that means Wolf would not be there to make you smart.


Wolf: Oh yeah I see.

Grox: Oh yeah I didn't think about that, sorry. Carry on killing him then.


Wolf: Yes that sounds all fine and dandy but there's just one thing.

Grox: And what will you do with me?


(Wolf drops his weapons)

Grox: What are you doing?!

Wolf: You have brought pain to my dear friend Fox (opens eyes to show them glowing red with slit pupils) No one touches My dear friend FOX!!!

(Wolf then goes into Primal rage Mode)

Grox: (To himself) Wow, now I know I won't try to hurt her anytime soon.

Alpha Duck: KILL THEM!!!

(Wolf unleashes an explosion of flames frying the ducks)

Grox: (Runs up to computer main frame and hacks into the cloning system)

(The Alpha Duck tries his best to flap, bite and stomp on Wolf but proves useless)

Grox: (Shuts down the cloning system) Say goodbye to your duck friends.

(Wolf then catches a swinging wing and rips it off)


(Wolf then delivers a super punch to it's back causing it to have a huge hole blow right through it and spewing out it's intestines out the other side)

Grox: Wolf break that damn cloning gizmo he wears on his head!

Alpha Duck: (coughs blood) NOOOOOO!!!

(As the Alpha Duck quacks out it's last words, Wolf rips it's head off as it continues a gurgling sound through it's throat)

Grox: (Looks out the portal) The ducks are still there!

(Wolf then throws the head onto the cloning machine)

Wolf: (comes back to normal) What... did we win?

Grox: The ducks are still there, but sure.

Wolf: Put a timer on that portal generator and let's get back.

Grox: Wait, first. Can you give me that thing you used to playback that high pitch audio?

(Wolf throw it over)

Grox: (Takes it, puts C4 on the portal generator and jumps through the portal)

(Wolf follows)

Grox: Can you survive 3 mile high falls?

Wolf: I can just hide in my hat.

Grox: Good, do that for... 4 minutes. Exactly.

(Wolf hides inside his hat as Grox lands on the ground 3 minutes and 55 seconds later)

Grox: You can come out now.

(Wolf comes out to see the ducks still flying around, but acting like normal ducks)

Grox: (Plays back same sound all over the world to kill the remaining ducks) Cover your ears.

(Wolf covers his ears as all the ducks fall down dead from the sky)

Wolf: I guess that's it then

Grox: Yeah, let's now get back to Maulmart (gets out huge duck leg)

Wolf: (pulls out Huge Duck wing from Wolf's hat) Thought I forgot about it didn't you?

Grox: Yeah I did.

Wolf: (Pulls out the Alpha Ducks head from his hat and puts his arm in it grabbing the nerve stems) Hey look (imitates duck voice) I guess I shouldn't have lost my head over this (laughs)

Grox: (Laughs) Oh my god that one was good I'll give you that.

-Episode ends-


  • 1/5 Unicorn Barf!
  • 2/5 It was like Meh.
  • 3/5 I guess it was... pretty good.
  • 4/5 This is like crazy right?

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